#037 Nicholas Spohn: Subconscious, Sabotage, Resonance and Rapport

You'll learn so much from this episode!  Nick shares how he got into his work and passion of energy, neuro-linguistic patterns or NLP and hypnosis and ways to understand the different parts of ourselves. You'll hear about connection being the most important thing for the human nervous system and how you can apply it and create connections with others.  And how your connections, rapport, and energetic frequencies match others with the same ones and repel others.  You'll learn about attraction modalities and how rapport and polarity combine to create matches with others that either work or don't.  Nick has the resonance program to learn more as well:  http://www.spohntrained.com/resonancehtl.  You'll learn about the #killer of attraction as well.  Try out some mental rehearsals to improve performance in the bedroom and out in the dating scene.  It's another really good informative episode with practical applications! 

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:00

Welcome to the Straight from the Source's Mouth Podcast. Frank talk about sex and dating. Hello, and welcome to episode number 37 of season two. My name is Tamra, and you're listening to the Straight from the Source's Mouth podcast. Today's guest is Nick Spone. Today we're going to talk about the subconscious sabotage and see where else the conversation takes us. If you like this episode, be sure to tell your friends about it and rate it as well. Thanks for joining me today, Nick.

SPEAKER_00 0:27

Hey, thanks for having me. Glad to be here.

SPEAKER_01 0:29

Yes. And I have done a series of people I met at Podfest, and you are one of those people. And uh we all I know we all had a great time down there. And um, yeah, so you let's just get right into the topic. You um talk about the subconscious and hypnosis and things like that. So, how how did you get started in this field?

SPEAKER_00 0:50

Uh yeah, so I just I realized that my business growth and my and my life was limited by my mindset. And I started to to watch successful people and learn what they did, and they read books and they thought differently and they asked different questions. And so I started doing the same. I started uh reading books and going to seminars and and learning from all kinds of people, and you know, went really deep down the rabbit hole into hypnosis and NLP and a lot of different energy work and and mindset stuff. And um, so now that's kind of become a passion for me.

SPEAKER_01 1:21

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 1:21

And then NLP is just for those NLP is neurolinguistic programming. And so we'll get into uh into that a little bit here, but it's it's how we use language to uh code and change the mind, the subconscious mind.

SPEAKER_01 1:35

Okay, yeah. And we talked a little bit before about this, like with dating and sex as well, I'm sure. But let's start with dating. Um people may say one thing and then do another, or they seem to sabotage or say they want relationships and then don't really make effort, like any thoughts behind that, like the what they're what people are doing are different ways people can sabotage themselves subconsciously or or not even know they're doing stuff, but whatever you want to say.

SPEAKER_00 2:00

Yeah, so this could, I mean, we could go on for hours on this topic. It's a little broad, but in general, every everything that we do serves a purpose for us. And con the problem is consciously, we may think we want one thing, but subconsciously, the subconscious may have a different goal or outcome in mind for us than our conscious mind. And we've all experienced this where we're like, you know, I want to quit smoking and then like the urge to smoke, right? Or I want to quit eating chocolate cake and then the urge to eat chocolate cake. And so we have that in dating and relationships as well. And often it is just a protection mechanism. So we learn that if we get into a relationship and we, you know, let our open up our heart and we and we really have feelings for someone that we are like, you know, it's likely that we're gonna get hurt. And that hurt can last months, years. And we've all been through some, I'm sure, some some pretty bad heartbreak. And the subconscious mind may make a meaning of that and say, well, relationships equal pain. We don't, we don't want that. Right. And so we develop what happens is we develop different parts of us. I was talking with a guy the other day, um, and he was kind of going through some stuff, and and he was literally like, like, you know, when I'm like this, you know, things are good, but then I'm like this, this totally other person. And he points next to him. He's like, and I can't trust that guy, right? And he doesn't know anything about we that we have these different parts, but he's intuitively saying like this part of him is outside of him, and and they're at that, they're at odds. And so a lot of times we have parts that have different goals in relationships, and that's why we get into one and then we're like, whoa, I gotta get out of this. And and it's just a conflict of our internal parts. Does that make sense?

SPEAKER_01 3:39

Yeah, yeah, definitely. Yeah, because I was saying before this, I had a friend that's you know, says she wants to be set up with people, and I went to lunch with two of them, and they're both like, yeah, I definitely want to, but then they do absolutely nothing to make it happen. And then, you know, so you know, like you said, it's kind of protection measure, I'm sure.

SPEAKER_00 3:55

Yeah, that could be. I mean, every case is different. There's also um, we could also consider attachment styles. So how I don't know if you're from familiar.

SPEAKER_01 4:04

Yes, I've had a couple episodes on those.

SPEAKER_00 4:06

Yeah, so so how we attach to people. Um, people that don't attach, they just they never follow up, right? And so they're never in relationships. Um, so yeah, so there's there's multiple layers for each person. So I'm gonna speak in kind of generalities here, but uh a lot of times it's I think the the main issue in relationships is just insecurity. We have, you know, like we're gonna exp the an intimate relationship is the biggest way to expose your insecurities, and that's what what creates that wedge between us and connecting with other people. Yeah, I could see. And same and same in the bedroom, right? Like for us, we don't enjoy ourselves because we're thinking about how do I look, or we're we're insecure about how we're performing or or you know what part of our body looks like. And if we can get past that insecurity, we have a totally different experience connecting with other people.

SPEAKER_01 4:55

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I mean, yes, I totally agree. I was gonna give an example, but I I'm not gonna do that. But no, uh yeah, um, and then back to attachment styles real quick. For those that haven't listened to previous episodes, there's avoidant and then there's anxious, and then there's secure attachment. So obviously those that are secure pretty much hook up or you know, meet up and stay together and they're out of the dating pool. So the rest of the people left are the avoidance and the anxious, which of course it's a push and pull thing between the two of them, unless you have more to say about that.

SPEAKER_00 5:27

Yeah, well, it's just funny because generally, if you think about it, most of the people in the dating pool are the avoidant people because the the anxious, when they get into a relationship, they're like, I I never want to leave this. This is like I I need somebody secure. And the secure people are like, I'm just good with who I am, I'm connected to my partner. No, there's no reason, like I'm secure. But the avoidant people, they're the ones that go out, they date, and then they they're like, eh, I don't really want that, or they don't, or two avoidant people, they they date, they may have a good time, a good connection, and then they never follow up, right? And so most of the people in the dating pool are the avoidant people, which is which is interesting to think about.

SPEAKER_01 6:00

Yeah, yeah, good point. Yeah, I've I've I've thought it was both anxious, but you're right. I have a friend who's pretty anxious, and she is, yeah, it making it work no matter what happens.

SPEAKER_00 6:09

Yeah, it's exactly they get into it and they're like, and they never want to leave. And if they leave, then they get right into something else.

SPEAKER_01 6:16

Yeah, yeah, good point. I just had a a friend reach out who but someone broke up with him and immediately I I've mad was a matchmaker for him before. So he always comes to me when he's like newly broken up with, okay, I need another one. But now I'm like, all right, I'm not sitting up with any of my friends anymore. You're not ready, obviously. But yeah. So what other things um do you like a mindset in general, just whatever you think would be helpful to for the listeners?

SPEAKER_00 6:41

Yeah, I teach a lot on connection. So there's nothing more important to the human nervous system than connection because at when we're born, if we're not loved, we die. And so everything that we do in life is based on our strategies to get love. And so if we're uh we're a baby and we realize that we can be funny and get loved, well, that's a lifelong program. And now you have a class clown. If we learn that we can perform and get loved, then we're like, we gotta be a performer, right? Um, if we learn that no matter what we do, we're not gonna get loved, that sticks with people for their entire lives. And then they never feel secure, they never feel good enough. And it's just meaning that we've made at a young age. And so that's the strategies for how we get how we get love and how we connect with people. Um and when we learn, so, so for me, connection, I call it rapport. Uh, it's energetic, it's matching frequencies. If you've ever met someone and you just click with them instantly and you're like, I don't know what it is about that person, but like I just feel good, I feel connected. Well, it's the frequencies in your body are connecting to the frequencies in theirs. Our brain and our body is an antenna. And as we shift our focus, we shift our vibration. And so every hormone that gets released in our body hits a cell and it changes the vibration of those cells, just like tuning an antenna. And so when we meet someone who's similar similar values to us, in a similar mood to us, uh, that looks similar, that sounds similar, that uses the same language, we connect with them because we're in rapport. And so we can use this in dating to get really deep connections with someone. And especially in sex, I mean, if you know, two people orgasm at the same time, that they're just in deep rapport, right? That's just a frequency match where the energy comes to a crescendo at the same time. There's nothing more to it than like than just that, right? Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 8:33

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 8:34

And so some of the strategies are the breath. The breath is one of the best ways to synchronize your energy. So if you're on a date or if you're making love, match the person's breathing, right? And if you can match their breathing, you'll get into the same, you'll tune into that same vibration. Uh, we can use the same language. People's values show up in their language and the stories they tell, they'll they'll show you their priorities, they'll show you their values, what's important to them. And so if you can echo their values back to them, you will get into instant rapport. And and you can just ask questions to draw those out. Oh, you know, Tamara, why is that important to you? Oh, you went and spent time with your dad this weekend. That's great. Why is why was that important to you? And and their answers will be, oh, because this. Oh, because family is important. Oh, because I value honesty. Oh, because I'm a hard worker. Boom. There you know exactly what to bond with them with because they're communicating their values. And if you do that, if you match their breathing, there's some other strategies as well. Um, you'll start to connect with people and they'll be like, I don't know what it is about about that guy. I'm just like, I just connect with him instantly.

SPEAKER_01 9:38

Yeah.

unknown 9:39

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 9:39

I mean, I thought of two examples immediately when you talked about both those scenarios where the connection was just there and dating and or meeting, like you said, the rapport, and then sexually as well. It just, it just, yeah. So I fullheartedly agree.

SPEAKER_00 9:54

Yeah. So, and then uh one thing that I talk about in my seminars is um we'll get into a little bit of NLP here, is with uh attraction being uh being turned on and orgasm, there's specific what we call modalities for each of those. And everyone's got a different strategy, but modalities are really just our five senses. So if I asked your audience to think of the best orgasm they ever had, there would be things either consciously or subconsciously that they're that they're doing, right? They're making pictures, they're hearing, they're hearing sounds, they're speaking to themselves in a way, right? They're feeling feelings in certain locations. And so if you can learn somebody's strategy, you can talk them into an orgasm. I know this sounds crazy, but especially with hypnosis and entrance, well, you know, how would you breathe if you were having an orgasm? Breathe like that. What would you be picturing? Remember the best orgasm you're having to picture that, right? What would you be saying to yourself? Oh God, oh God, right? Say that to yourself. And if you do that, the nervous system doesn't know the difference and it will literally have an orgasm. Sometimes it takes a little bit of time to work up to that. Um, but these are some of the strategies we can use basically just words for, right? We can guide somebody's focus with our words to tune their nervous system into a different frequency and to have a different experience.

SPEAKER_01 11:17

Yeah. It's funny. Every time you say something, I'm like, I can immediately think of a scenario where that exact thing happened. So yeah, there's just someone from my past who, whenever he reaches out, if we talk, if I'm having issues orgasming, orgasming. That sounds funny. He can like talk me into one, like you said. So I yeah, I definitely have seen that before.

SPEAKER_00 11:39

Yeah, I uh the first time I ever realized that I had this power, I was at an event, and this girl was like, Oh, you're a hypnotist? Like, and she started telling me she had had an orgasm in 15 years and all these things. And and we did a session, and it was a little, it was kind of a mix of like Reiki and hypnosis. And for a few hours afterwards, she was like, like, you could see and like you could see by her expressions, energy was moving through her, and she's like, Oh my gosh, there's like waves. I can't even, I don't even know what to do. She went home and was like, Okay, now I have the other problem, my orgasm way too easily. Um, just by because because we have traumas and and and meanings, again, from when we're young or experiences in our life, and those store in our body as energy. And so we can use language uh or different modalities to get in touch with those and to release them. And once you release them, the pathways for energy to move for you know, for orgasm, for connection, for a lot of these things, once once that energy moves out, your your nervous system is freed up.

SPEAKER_01 12:40

Yeah, you're not blocking yourself or your body's not blocking itself.

SPEAKER_00 12:44

Exactly. Like even that's even the self-sabotage we talked about, that's a meaning that stores energy in your body. Uh, and that energy creates conflict in your nervous system. And when you can clear that out, uh you you're free from that, and you're free to be more of who you are in relationships.

SPEAKER_01 13:02

Yeah. Yeah, I just um, well, you saw him as well. The Chris Shelton, the Qigong. He he mentioned um releasing the past trauma and stuff too. And I just uh he was the last person I interviewed. So nice. Um yeah, you can check out that interview as well. But it's yeah, I mean, obviously there's enough people saying this, and you've seen enough things where it actually happens and comes true. So, you know, for those um people that don't believe the woo-woo stuff out there, it's you know, obviously it's pretty accurate, you know.

SPEAKER_00 13:30

Yeah, I and and what I do is I try to explain it simply enough and scientifically enough um that it that it just makes sense. And so a lot of these energy healers, I I really like it. I've had some really cool experiences. I just use people's minds because for me, it's so much easier to have them do the work instead of me trying to move all their energy, whatever. I just have them imagine it, tell me where that energy is, what's it feel like, what color, what's the what event is it tied to, uh, and then you can transmute it into something else and release it.

SPEAKER_01 13:59

I guess so. What if you like I'm someone that, like I say, doesn't I'm not in my body as much as I could be. And I know other people that are that way as well. Like if you're someone that's you're like, where do you feel it? Like, I don't know. Like, how do you get people to feel it? Or is it just is that just a sign that there is a block somewhere?

SPEAKER_00 14:16

So we all relate, um again, we all use those different modalities, those different strategies differently. We all have different strategies. So some people, I'm like, all right, picture this. And they're like, I don't picture anything, but I feel it. I'm like, all right, well, feel this. Like, I don't feel anything, but I can picture it. Right. So I would switch to, okay, well, what do you see? Like, if I, you know, let's go back, what do you see, or what do you hear? And then if we can get in touch with that, well, then I then I might sneak in, well, how does that make you feel? And then you say something, and I'd be like, wait a second, I thought you said you couldn't feel anything. And you go, Oh, I guess I do feel it. Um, so there's ways to develop that. And and sometimes we have incidents in our lives that separate us from really connecting into our body. Uh, and there's, you know, the feminine, there's there's ways to reconnect into that, dancing and and taking a bubble bath and and being really present with your food and just taking time to feel into your body more um can kind of reestablish that connection.

SPEAKER_01 15:16

Yeah. Yeah. Two episodes ago we had that similar talk about getting into your body because I mentioned the same thing. Yeah. And she said a couple of the same things, but not um, yeah, dancing and the bubble bath thing.

SPEAKER_00 15:28

And well, and and breath work as well, although sometimes that can make you feel separate from your body, but um, there's different breathing patterns. But a lot of times it's hey, there was there's something in my nervous system that that I need to trace back to its root, right? From from an earlier time in my life where I made a meaning of something, uh, right? Like I made a meaning that this is causing me pain and I want to separate from the pain, and so I'm not gonna connect into my body fully. And so if you can go take that meaning out, take that energy out of your nervous system, your life will change going forward.

SPEAKER_01 16:04

Yeah. And I'm I'm in a Facebook group for people that are child-free dating or prefer that. And um there are a lot of because there's so few people in their mind, you know, you know, their attitude is like, there's no one out there. And then of course that happens because that's what they think. But is there anything about is there any more to say about that? Or is that kind of what you said? That you just it's just we're making meaning about it.

SPEAKER_00 16:25

Yeah, we're always confirming our beliefs, right? And if we believe there's no one out there, we will literally filter out the people who would be a good match. Like that's how the mind works. There's no one out there, your brain hears that, your subconscious mind hears that and goes, okay, I can give you that experience. And then it does, right? And and you know that you kind of alluded to that. Um, attraction, and a lot of people may not get that deep in this, but attraction is it's two things. It's rapport, which is what we talked about earlier, that frequency matching, and it's polarity. So it's having similarities, and then polarity is differences in masculine and feminine energy. And so I don't know how deep you go into masculine and feminine energy on the show, but um, there's different qualities about those, uh, about being masculine and being feminine. And I'm not saying male or female because females can be masculine and males can be feminine, but that the energy difference and rapport is what creates attraction. Attraction is just energy. And so if you're out there and you're strong masculine or strong feminine, you've worked through most of your insecurities, people will just be drawn to you. Like it'll be, I've I know when I'm in a powerful state, and when I'm not in a powerful state, when I'm in a powerful state, like women will come from across the room to say hi to me. And when I'm when I'm not, or I'm just in a normal state, it's like it's crickets, right? And so the energy that we put out, we attract back. I had a guest on my podcast who said, be careful what you bring to the picnic because you're you might have to eat it. Right. So the energy that we bring to the the dating picnic is what exactly what we're gonna get reflected back to us.

SPEAKER_01 17:56

Yeah. And I made that comment in that same Facebook group. I'm like, yeah, when I was younger, I had that attitude and I didn't find anyone. Now I'm like, yeah, when it rains, it pours. Like, like you said, when you're in that state, you just draw people in. And and knowing you can do that or will do that, it just makes it happen as well.

SPEAKER_00 18:12

Yeah. And and at my uh event, we take a whole afternoon and really unpack what it means to be masculine and feminine, what the traits are, the body language associated with it, um, the meanings that we give things to that create masculine and feminine energy. Uh, and it's it's a really powerful experience for most people because they have they have no idea. They're like, they have no idea why they've been attracted to some people and not others. They have no idea why their relationship starts off spicy and then after a few months it totally erodes and falls apart and there's no attraction. Well, it's because they're losing the polarity. Most people just don't know how to create that.

SPEAKER_01 18:47

Yeah. Well, since you brought it up, do you want to talk about your the program you offer that is around this, or what do you want to do? Yeah, I thought you say more about it first.

SPEAKER_00 18:55

Yeah. So I have an event, it's a four-day event called Resonance. And, you know, like I talked about energy. It's all, it's all how we resonate with other people. And so I teach people how to move through different frequencies. And so frequencies are like emotional states. And so there's there's different breathing, there's different meanings, there's different things we picture, there's different ways we use our body that can tune us into powerful states and and not so powerful states, right? Like victim states. We can, and I take people, hey, here, feel this negative emotion. Okay, let's go into a positive emotion. And they realize they can control their emotions on a dime. Uh, we unpack, you know, a lot of this masculine feminine stuff and how to build relationships, how to build attraction, uh, how to can just connect with people. I mean, there's nothing, again, there's nothing more important than connection. Uh, and so we take four days and really tune people's nervous systems up for that. We go back and release a lot of the the traumas and the and the negative associations they've made in the past. And uh, yeah, it's it's super fun. People come out of it like just mind-blowing. Totally different. Um, it's really fun for me.

SPEAKER_01 20:03

And is it is it online, in person, both?

SPEAKER_00 20:06

Yeah, it's in person. I have one coming up in Las Vegas, um, August 1st through 4th. And that's the only one I have on the books right now. But I usually do two or three of them a year.

SPEAKER_01 20:14

Okay. Yeah. And do you want to say, since you know, they say to have our episodes be evergreen, meaning that you know, anytime you listen, it'll be relevant. So yes, like next year, you already know the next year.

SPEAKER_00 20:26

I don't have the dates yet, but if you go to uh www.spone trained.com slash resonance, you'll see uh whatever the upcoming event is.

SPEAKER_01 20:35

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 20:36

And spone spelled S P O A G N. S P O H N, yes, and then the word trained. Like yep.

SPEAKER_01 20:42

Okay. And I'll I'll put in the description as well, but just in case, just in case. Perfect. Perfect. So yeah. So what other ways or how other ways can they connect with you or find you? I know other people.

SPEAKER_00 20:53

I'm just spone trained on all social media. So you can find me on Facebook, Instagram, YouTube, uh, just under spone trained, and then the spone trained podcast as well. Uh that's on YouTube and and you know, anywhere you can find your podcast.

SPEAKER_01 21:05

So awesome. Yeah, I I feel like we should tell the story of how how we met, if you remember.

SPEAKER_00 21:11

Um Yeah, we were standing in line and at the that little convenience store in the inside the hotel, and we started talking, but I'm trying to remember.

SPEAKER_01 21:22

Yeah, you were you were buying a Lara bar, not um, I really like those bars. Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 21:26

You're like, get this, get the coconut.

SPEAKER_01 21:28

Yeah, I'm like, this is the best flavor. Get that one, not the other one. So it was like peanut butter chocolate chip because you had picked other ones. But yeah, and then this and then we started talking about what we do. So of course it's a natural fit to be on the podcast, I thought.

SPEAKER_00 21:40

Yeah, so so one last thing I'll leave your audience with is the idea of mental rehearsal. And so I believe that imagination is one of the most powerful divine tools that we have as humans, because as we imagine things, we start to shape our nervous system, our neurology, and our neurons will form different pathways. And so, if we can imagine ourselves being successful at dating, at sex, at relationships, at connecting with people, if we can imagine that, our brain starts to say, hey, I'm just that type of person, right? I'm just the type of person that has great sex. I'm just the type of person that has mind-blowing orgasms. Because you can practice that experience in your mind. Just practice meeting someone and just connecting with them. And then guess what? The energy in your system changes and you attract people from that state. That's what the law of attraction is, right? And so if you can practice that in your mind enough that it just becomes who you are, then pretty soon you'll you'll be in these relationships, these great relationships, and you'll just, it'll be the most natural thing in the world. You won't have that feeling of attachment, you won't have that doubt and insecurity. You can literally shape your nervous system and the energy you put out by just mentally rehearsing how you want to be.

SPEAKER_01 22:51

Yeah. I've someone else had mentioned, like, like you, and you had said too, like attracting certain frequencies. So when you're in that state, like I feel like that happened at the at Podfest. And just since since I've been feeling that way as too, like I've I've gotten closer and closer to what I'm looking for and feel, and then attract more of my like as my energy grows or turns into what I'm looking for, it starts to be matched by other people.

SPEAKER_00 23:15

Yeah, and you could probably look back in your life and feel like, all right, I was pretty insecure at this time and look at the relationship I attracted. Or you know, I was going through a really great phase here. I was really happy, and and I had this type of relationship. Uh, and it's funny the people you attract into your life at at different stages. It's it's pretty clear when you look at it.

SPEAKER_01 23:32

Yeah, no, definitely. Yeah, and and we have a few more minutes. So if there's anything we haven't, or maybe say more about sabotage or different ways, like why do people the subconscious, you know, I know you said protection. Is there any other reasons people do it? I know people operate out of fear or love. Anything more to say?

SPEAKER_00 23:49

Yeah, everyone, everyone has everyone has different reasons. And so the only way to know is to ask the subconscious. And so, in a in a conscious, normal waking state, people may tell you a reason why a relationship didn't work out. You have to get past that into the in you know, trance hypnosis to really get the answer from the subconscious, because the conscious mind, the the left brain will rationalize why it does something, even if it's not true, right? It'll make up a reason. We've all done this. We do something, and then we're like, oh, you know, her nose was too big. Well, it had nothing to do with that, right? We we literally our our mind creates reasons to to get out of relationships, but the subconscious may have a different reason. And so for everybody, it's gonna be different. And so the only way to know, and this is what I do for a lot of people, is I just do it in hypnosis and we just go and ask the subconscious. And the answers they get, they're like, Oh my god, it's so that's so obvious. Why didn't I just realize that? Uh, and so that's pretty cool. The other thing I'd love to share with your audience is that what kills attraction, do you know what it is?

SPEAKER_01 24:50

Uh I'm I I could guess, but I'll let you know.

SPEAKER_00 24:53

Yeah, it's neediness. Yeah. So neediness or attachment uh is what just it what absolutely kills attraction because it it's it's an energy of not having. And so I know, and I'm sure many of your audience have been through this as well, when you start dating someone and it, you know, you feel really confident in the beginning, and then you get to a point where you're like you really start to like them and you start to worry, and then you start to like hang on a little bit too tight, and the energy in your system is like it doesn't feel good. And even if you don't talk to that person, they will still feel it. They'll feel it from a thousand miles away, and they will just like subtly kind of be repulsed by you until you can clear that energy. And so that neediness is just giving too much meaning. Uh, and I've worked with a lot of guys who get to that point, they find someone, they don't really care. Like they're like, whatever, I'm just dating this girl, the sex is good. And then they really start to fall in love, and then boom, they can't perform anymore in the bedroom. And they're like, What do I do? I'm like, easiest thing in the world. Uh, and so we go through some of that mental rehearsal stuff. Uh, we kind of reframe the meaning that they're given the relationship, and and it's pretty easy to work through.

SPEAKER_01 26:00

Yeah, no, I I totally see that in the friend I mentioned earlier and in myself. And I I always I used to say, like at six months, it gets it starts to get a little off, four months, and then it seems like it was doing it earlier, and it was basically when my neediness was kicking in. So, so yeah, and I'm sure and a lot of women get that as well, since you've talked about the guys.

SPEAKER_00 26:19

Yeah, it's not just women, it's everybody. I mean, it's that it's that need to be accepted, it's that insecurity, it's um, and again, everyone's got different life experiences, so it shows up in different ways for everybody, but it's um it's repelling. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 26:33

And and I usually mention books. So there's the book Queen's Code, and it talks about how differently men and women think, and it it actually says like uh ideally women should go for people that aren't their type, so then they don't have all those expectations put on the relationship and the guy, and then they're actually more themselves and they're not as worried about it. So I think there's some merit in that. I don't know if it's more to practice and like get in that mindset of like it'll work out, or it's just something she said that that's you know, once you see someone as the one, that's when you start getting more needy because you're like, Oh, I can't re I can't mess this up.

SPEAKER_00 27:06

Yeah, yeah, totally. But but you can be with that person and just and you can shift that energy. It's a little challenging if you haven't done it, but you know that you know that you can, and and and hypnosis and some of the stuff that we do really helps with that. Um, but I you know, attraction for me is I attract someone that I need a lesson from. Like, you know, like all relationships are growth-based. And so if I'm consciously like, oh, this person makes sense on paper, I'm gonna date them for that. It never, you don't have that fire, you don't have that connection. Uh for me, that never works out. And so it's like I dating is a feeling. And I've had people that on paper and looks were amazing, and I'm like, I just I don't feel it, right? And so I don't even go down that pathway. But the but sometimes you just have this unexplainable feeling for someone. And sometimes it's because there's something that you need to work through and it may lead to some discomfort. Sometimes it's just because this person is meant to be in your life for for that time or or for a long time. Um, but I think those feelings are what's really important to follow.

SPEAKER_01 28:10

Yeah. Yeah. I I've I love the rapport connection thing, and that's that's what I go off of too. And like you said, it doesn't have to be forever, but it's there's like a reason that happened and a and a lesson. And I've I've definitely felt that um recently where the person you meet is like a really good lesson for you or both of you, and that's the best connection if you could both grow from each other.

SPEAKER_00 28:31

So yeah, and I've I dated a girl and we like it was like this fatal attraction almost, right? Like it was not a good relationship, and we'd be in and out of it, but like I would we'd break up and I'd be like, I just have this urge to like go back. And I'm like, what is this? And until we worked that through all the way and all the energy dissipated from that, and I think we both got the lessons, then we could both move on. And so I, you know, I wouldn't tell people to stay in a relationship that's not working, but you got to get that energy out of your system, and that's where those lessons come from, and you attract that to grow.

SPEAKER_01 29:04

Yeah, and they do say you're gonna keep repeating patterns until you learn the lesson. So why not learn it with the person you're with rather than have to go through two or three more to learn that lesson?

SPEAKER_00 29:13

Yeah, because you lose that relationship, that energy stays put. You don't, you know, you don't fully learn the lesson and you attract the same thing.

SPEAKER_01 29:19

Yeah. All right. Well, and is there any closing comments you want to make to just kind of sum up anything? Or I mean I we covered a lot of stuff and it I always say this, but it's like that was an awesome episode. People are gonna learn a lot. So thank you very much for and I I I I may have to try this resonance thing.

SPEAKER_00 29:37

I would we'd love to have you. Um, it's it's so fun. We spend, I mean, most of day three, we unpack all this stuff, we get deeper into how to create uh attraction. People feel it, people learn how to how to steer someone's emotions and and influence others, and it creates really deep relationships. And um, we have some really great connections and and all and a lot of fun. So we'd love to have you.

SPEAKER_01 30:00

Okay. All right. Well, uh that being said, I think that's a good stopping point. So thank you very much. And um hopefully if you loved it, be sure to tell your friends about it and rate and review the episode as well. All right, thanks, Snik.

SPEAKER_00 30:14

My pleasure.

SPEAKER_01 30:15

All right, bye. Frank's off, Frank Talk, sex and dating engine kids.