Straight from the Source's Mouth: Frank Talk about Sex and Dating
Are you perpetually single? Do you want longer-lasting relationships? Tired of the miscommunication and misunderstandings? Wish you were better in bed? Advice from experts as well as real talk from real people so that you can see you are not alone in your thoughts and experiences. I talk about sex in my stand-up comedy and people often tell me that I say what they are thinking but are too afraid to say or admit it to their partners; too taboo they think. We'll talk about books we've read on dating, relationships and sex so that you can gain knowledge without having to read all the books yourself. I'll interview people on both sides of an issue: people who are great at dating and unsuccessful at dating...learn from the person who's great and also learn what not to do! We'll do the same with sex and relationships so that you can learn what works so you don't need to repeat others' past mistakes. I'll interview sex coaches and love coaches. We intend this to be a how-to guide. Hit subscribe and join us!
Straight from the Source's Mouth: Frank Talk about Sex and Dating
#82 Unlock Kundalini Energy: Spiritual Transformation and Emotional Healing Tom Bucsku
Unlock the mystical layers of Kundalini energy and Tantra with our fascinating guest, Tom Bushku, CEO and founder of Primal Divinity Coaching. This episode promises to redefine your understanding of these ancient spiritual philosophies, often shrouded in misconceptions. Tom recounts his captivating journey from a Reiki master to a pioneer in Kundalini activation, revealing how this powerful life force can transcend the physical realm to offer unparalleled ecstasy and consciousness elevation. Together, we unpack the profound nature of Kundalini, not just as a sexual element but as an integral part of our spiritual journey, deeply rooted in ancient Indian traditions.
Embark on a path of emotional healing and empowerment as we discuss the significance of self-awareness in recognizing and overcoming personal traumas. With Tom's insights, learn how fully experiencing emotions, even discomfort, can lead to profound healing and deeper connections. We also explore the transformative power of balancing spiritual and sexual energies, enhancing not just personal growth but enriching intimate relationships. As we conclude, we invite you to reflect on these insights and consider sharing this episode with others who may benefit from this enlightening conversation. Join us for more thought-provoking discussions.
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Welcome to the Straight from the Source's Mouth.
Speaker 2:Podcast Frank talk about sex and dating. Hello, tamara here, welcome to the show. Today's guest is back again, tom Bushku, ceo and founder of Primal Divinity Coaching, and this time we'll be talking about Kundalini energy and Tantra. Thanks for joining me again, tom.
Speaker 1:It's great to be back, Tamara.
Speaker 2:But yeah. So how did you get started with it, or how did you come to know about it?
Speaker 1:I had heard of the word kundalini just in terms of kundalini yoga. I remember I first read about it in some fiction book I don't remember what it was as this weird mystical thing where people can control their heart rate and all these crazy things, and so I knew that this thing existed, but I didn't know what it was. And I'm talking this is years ago, 10 or 15 years ago but I've been doing energy work for probably 25 years. I'm a Reiki master and I got attuned to Reiki just so that I could give the energy healing to myself without having to go find somebody else to do it for me, because I experienced it once. It made me feel better and I wanted more of it, and so I've been in the world of energy healing for a long time, but I never really did much with it. I didn't do it for other people other than my mom as she was getting older, or I would do some Reiki treatments on my kids when they were toddlers, trying to get them to go to sleep, which works, because it's just love. Healing energy that's what all forms of energy healing really are. That was really kind of it until I started to explore some other practices through some men's coaching that I did and we were doing some, some consciousness exercises is what we call them, and that is somatic work. It's that's about finding the emotions that are stored in our body and which is absolutely scientific and legitimate, and that we go off on a whole tangent on that. But that's what really kind of got me opened up to the idea of energy. And as I was doing that work, that somatic work, those consciousness exercises, I began to get in touch more with my own energy and the energy that's all around us. Some people will call it the quantum field or the universal subconscious. You know it's the same thing that people use when they're using psychic abilities or channeling like mediums. It's. You know, in Star Wars they called it the force. It's really all the same thing. And so I began to get familiar with this through just wanting to get better, wanting to heal myself.
Speaker 1:And I mentioned Kundalini at one point to one of the brothers in my community and, lo and behold, not a week later it pops up. I click on a real estate event on Eventbrite and then at the bottom you know how it suggests various things you might be interested, and one of the suggestions was a Kundalini activation. I'm like, hey, I was just talking about that, let me see what that's all about. And it was close by, it was like 45 minutes away. It was perfect because it was on what would have been my anniversary, having just gotten divorced that year, married for the first time to treat myself to something like this. So I went to my first Kundalini activation, not really knowing what to expect, just thinking this would be a nice addition to some of the things that I do, and I was absolutely blown away. I think I've shared this with you directly, but it was an experience beyond anything I've ever had in the 3D world, meaning that I experienced such pleasure and bliss and ecstasy that I honestly don't even care if I have sex again, because it was 10 times better and that doesn't even do it justice. Because it was 10 times better and that doesn't even do it justice. You know to describe the experience a little bit more Well, actually, let me.
Speaker 1:Let me back up a little bit, because your question is you know, around kundalini energy, what? What is it right? Because that kind of needs to be understood first. Kundalini energy is our life force, it's our chi, our prana, it's our spirit, it's our soul, it's that which animates us right, it's what gives our body life, it's our consciousness, it's all those different things.
Speaker 1:And this idea of kundalini energy actually comes from tantra philosophy, which is born from ancient India a thousand years ago. And people automatically hear the word tantra and they just think kinky sex. And it's yes, and it's so much more. Tantra got commercialized and westernized back in the late 60s, early 70s, because sex sells and they took that 1% of 1% of what tantra is, which is really everything. It's really a spiritual philosophy.
Speaker 1:But within that tantra philosophy is this idea of kundalini energy, this life force, energy that we all have inside of us.
Speaker 1:And in that philosophy the kundalini energy is dormant at the base of our spine and there's all these little details, that kind of don't matter Things like you know. It's coiled like a serpent three and a half times and it rises through these channels called nadis which crisscross at the chakras, and you can get into some serious woo-woo energy stuff if you want to. But the bottom line is that this is our life force, this is our energy, this is our consciousness, but in most of us it's resonating at a low vibration and it lies dormant and we're not tapping into it. So what we're doing in a kundalini activation, or the purpose of practices like kundalini yoga, is we're waking that up, we're raising that kundalini energy like we are uncoilingiling the serpent, and we're rising it from the root up to the higher chakras so that it literally raises the frequency that we're vibrating at as human beings and as spiritual beings and it changes our consciousness and it changes how we experience the world yeah, that's a lot.
Speaker 2:No, and and I I do think this stuff exists. I totally believe what you're saying. So, yeah, I know there's some skeptics out there, but I still think this is great information to have.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and I mean, this is all real whether somebody believes in it or not, right?
Speaker 1:I mean, you could tell somebody there's no such thing as gravity, but if you step off a building you're going to hit the pavement. I believe the same thing is true in this world of energy. You know, if you need to take it from a scientific mindset and say, well, it's just the quantum field, there's science that proves it's real. So explain it however you want. It's real. And there's no denying what my experience was and and what happened. And I'll tell you.
Speaker 1:What happened when I had that Kundalini activation is that because I had been doing so much work previous to that, I did a lot of shadow work. I got with all my wounds and my traumas and my all the things that are are are shadow right. All the, all the things that we we think happened to us, we think poor me, why was I abused? Why was I abandoned? And I felt all that stuff and I learned to see the gift in all those things through the men's work that I do and because I had done all of that work prior to doing a kundalini activation, when I went into the session I was already pretty open, like I'd cleared a lot of the blockages and I was ready to receive. And so when the facilitator came around the room and was working on everybody which I can explain how that works later my channels were clear and the energy was able to rise.
Speaker 1:And so when it rose, it rose big and hard to throw a sexual innuendo in there, right, and it was like I said. It was like a spiritual orgasm is how some people describe it and I was literally on the floor on a yoga mat, back arched, head thrown back, crying out. And yet it was not a physical sensation like a sexual orgasm when you ejaculate. It was so much beyond that, it was whole body and outside of the body, like I could tell you that for me it felt like this ecstatic experience was centered about a foot off of my heart chakra, and that was where I experienced this bliss and this pleasure, and it was new levels of pleasure than I ever knew was even possible, and I was absolutely blown away and I knew after the first session that I was going to have to learn this and bring this to more people.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I mean obviously it learn this and bring this to more people. Yeah, I mean, obviously it sounds like something people want to do and you're like, hey, let me tell more people about this.
Speaker 1:For sure. And then I had my second session and it was even beyond that, it exceeded the first session. You know, the first session, I thought I hit the limit of what pleasure could be. And then I had the first session. You know the first session, I thought I hit the limit of what what pleasure could be. And then I had the second session and it was like, oh my God, it blew it away and there was like a new ceiling of what I could feel, so much so that it actually triggered some feelings of, oh, am I actually worthy of feeling this?
Speaker 1:Good, right, and that's the shadow work that I talked about. Right, and I've. Fortunately, I had lots of experience feeling that, so I was able to dive into that and then come out of it and go back into the pleasure and the bliss, and it made me realize that, well, wait a minute, maybe this isn't really the ceiling of what's possible to experience. Maybe there's even more, and I just think this is the limit, just like it did the first time. And so it really opened my eyes to what we can experience as human beings, whether we're talking about sex or energy or anything else in life.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I mean I need to mention the shadow work. So I know I told you I had, I did it with you and then I also had done it previously and the only thing that happened really was my right arm kept hurting, like literally just kept shaking it because it just felt off. So I don't know what kind of blockage that is exactly, but I have not done as much shadow work. I'm aware of everything, but I don't know if I've done the work to rid it of whatever you do with it.
Speaker 1:Well, I'll tell you you don't rid yourself of it, you don't get free from it, you get free with it. And that's one of the things that my mentor had learned and shared with me that all suffering is really the avoidance of suffering. And when we can dive into the suffering and experience the beauty of it, it no longer owns us. And that's the work that needs to be done before we can open up to the other experiences that we want.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I've heard it said that you choose it. Is that kind of the same thing? Would you say, accepting it, choosing it like, instead of trying, like you said, trying to resist it?
Speaker 1:Absolutely.
Speaker 2:That would be another way of describing it All right, and do you want to talk about how you were able to get rid of this shot or not get rid of, how you're able to live with the stuff, or is that? Or is there more to say about kundalini itself, or well, I just want to give people an eye, a way of how they could do it.
Speaker 1:But then also you know the potential to work with you or someone like you I'd actually be curious to hear a little bit more about your experience with you know, whether it was with the previous time or with me because I, I think, can give some people an idea of what the other experiences they might have are or could be yeah, for mine it was during a retreat the first time, and it was all women and we were in a circle, like our heads were in the center and we were kind of fanned out.
Speaker 2:There was a, you know, energy healer, I'm guessing. Like you, I can't remember exactly, I just know we were doing like a ceremony around it and I think, and there was sound and, like I said, she was just and there's parts are breathing in it too, like do you do different breathing techniques or is that there? I did so many different things I can't remember which one was yeah, it depends.
Speaker 1:I like I'll actually bring in some breathing techniques, but most kundalini facilitators do not yes, because I can't remember if it was with that or not.
Speaker 2:But I'll, like I said, the main thing I remember is just like uncontrollably, my arm. I was just like pain, pain, and I would just shake it out because it was like hurting and that's I don't know. That's really I don't remember. And then other people are definitely like you were saying, they're making sounds and stuff and they were getting more out of it or different things out of it, and I guess she was explaining where you're feeling stuff is depends on different things, but I can't remember what she had said about it.
Speaker 2:So, I don't know if there's any specific thing about arms hurting or not.
Speaker 1:I'm sure it all has a meaning and I don't pretend to know it all. What was your experience last week working with me?
Speaker 2:Unfortunately, I turned down the sound, so I think that was part of it. It was too loud in the beginning when you were talking, only so then I turned it down and then when the music was on, I did not turn it up, so it wasn't getting the full immersive effect. That I think would have been more helpful. And, like I said, I have blockages and all this stuff. I know of my issues and traumas and stuff, but being aware of them and doing something about them are two different things and I have walls up pretty hard like defense mechanisms and stuff.
Speaker 2:So it might take a little more.
Speaker 1:Tamara, that's great awareness and just like they tell alcoholics, the first step is admitting that you have a problem. Recognizing that you have some traumas and some blocks and some walls is the first thing that needs to happen before you can start to do anything about it. So give yourself some credit for that. Yeah, I mean, I've definitely worked with people and, through this, stuff happen before you can start to do anything about it.
Speaker 2:So give yourself some credit for that. Yeah, I mean, I've definitely worked with people and through the stuff, but my follow through has always been the issue.
Speaker 1:Yeah, Well, it's not.
Speaker 2:I have. Yeah, I've been aware.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I'm sorry I cut you off, but it's not pleasant to go into those things and that's why we avoid it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I mean, for me it's more a defense mechanism of pushing people away and keeping people at arm's length and coming off across as aloof generally and, yeah, just protecting myself that way. But there were a few years where I was not doing that. I let my walls down and then they slowly went back up.
Speaker 1:I appreciate you sharing that and I think that's something a lot of people can relate to. And you know, ultimately, that all comes down to fear. You know, fear of losing love, fear of getting hurt. You know, in some variety, and you know you asked about the shadow work that I've done that's really the core of it is I have felt all of those things and I've allowed myself to go deeper and deeper and deeper into those feelings of feeling unlovable and unworthy and not good enough and can't get it right of people in my life will bring that back up right, they'll trigger those feelings and even to this day it's not like you do this once and you're good.
Speaker 1:It's like brushing your teeth you know you brush your teeth and you're great in the morning, but then by the time you're going to bed you've eaten all day and you've got to clean things out. It's the same thing, energetically and emotionally. Things happen and old things come up again and again and it's another opportunity to fully feel it and experience it. And that happened, actually, when I did my third Kundalini session. And I'll tell you what. I went in kind of cocky on the third one. I was like, oh man, this is going to be even better, right? No, it was pure shadow. It was feeling all the suffering, feeling all those things. But again, I have gotten to the point where I can see the beauty of all those emotions. So it was still a wonderful experience. It just wasn't what I was expecting.
Speaker 1:And that's really important.
Speaker 1:That when somebody is doing something like a Kundalini activation or, you know, a Reiki session or even a sound bath or breath work, is it's important to let go of having expectations of what your experience is going to be and I say this at the beginning of every session I do, whether it's in person or virtually, is you know, people hear my story of the experiences I've had and they're like oh well, sign me up, you know I'll do one of those.
Speaker 1:That may not be where you are, as you realize from doing the session, you will get exactly what you need to get out of it, and I've had people who have these energetic orgasms and I've had people who are wailing and crying because it's bringing up the trauma that they never allowed themselves to feel. And of the two, the latter is probably more healing because that is stuff that holds us back. Like you said, you've got walls up and you keep people at arm's length. When you have the opportunity to feel all of that stuff, as unpleasant as it might be in the moment, really that's going to allow you to heal and to begin to open up and that's going to lead to the bliss and the connection and the love that we all want.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I'm actually tearing up talking about or hearing that, but and that's, I'll do that, I'll cry. And then my, I guess it's the throat chakra. It literally will like stop and seize and like not let me cry, it'll just like get really dry so I can stop myself from crying. So I guess that's part of something too. I don't know exactly.
Speaker 1:but well, and my, my invitation for you would be stop stopping yourself and allow it to come up yeah, I feel like I can't.
Speaker 2:I'm not, I'm not person, I'm not actually stopping it, it just stops. But I'm sure there's some choice in there too. But I mean, I don't know. Literally my throat will just get really dry after crying for like 20 seconds. Yeah.
Speaker 1:And my suspicion, just based on having worked with a lot of people, is that when there's that kind of a blockage in the throat chakra, it's because we didn't have an opportunity to speak up, and usually that's with parents, sometimes that's in marriages or relationships, but it often goes back to a case of not feeling heard when you were a kid and I'm not saying this is true for you. I'm just saying that this is things that I've heard from many of my coaching clients is that they grew up in a household where children were seen and not heard and they didn't have a chance to voice their emotions, and it wasn't okay. They weren't validated, and so they carry this into their adult life and it literally is stored right here in our throat, where our voice is.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I would say, that fits for sure.
Speaker 1:In doing this work, I've actually begun to get a much better appreciation for how we store things in our body. Holding our voice back in our throats, or I can tell when somebody's been betrayed or had heartache in the last six months or a year. I can feel the energy around their heart chakra. Or if somebody's had sexual trauma, there's a different texture, let's say, to the energy around the root, and I can just especially if I'm in person but I can actually do this over Zoom as well is I can just energetically scan somebody from feet to head and find where there's some issue and where it is often relates to what it is.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I think I've heard that before, Cause I did do Reiki once over Zoom and I pretty much fell asleep immediately. So I don't know if that was working or not, but she and then she talked about crystals and stuff too.
Speaker 1:So yeah Well, like I said, reiki is is love. Right, it's love and healing, and it's a very peaceful experience for most people. So to fall asleep is actually wonderful, because it means you feel safe enough to do that, and that's what you needed. At the moment, we go through life so stressed out, in this parasympathetic tone of fight or flight or freeze, and we never drop the vigilance. So when we find ourself in a place where there's safety and comfort and we can just let our guard down and relax, it's so blissful. People just don't give themselves that opportunity often enough.
Speaker 2:Yeah, like people that just stay busy and don't ever allow themselves to take some time off to actually think and hear the voices and all the things going on.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and I know. I've been guilty of that myself.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I work where everyone else listens to music while they work and a couple people just recently said it because they want to drown out the sound or their voices in their heads. But I've always just not used the music and I don't know it helps me be present too. I feel like it's always a good thing, absolutely All right. Well, do you want to say more about how, if someone wanted to work with you, they could on this stuff, or in general.
Speaker 1:Well, in general, I am a coach. I work. I have worked primarily with men over the last five years, but I'm finding a lot of women are actually seeking me out because of the energy of work is, when you go to an energy session, it's it's 80 or 90% women, for, for whatever reason, they're just drawn to it, and I believe there's something especially healing for women to receive safety and healing and presence held by the masculine, and that's something that I offer in my sessions without even intending to. But what my real mission is is to work with men in the world so that they can be that beacon of light for the women around them, whether it's their romantic partner or their kids or their mom or whatever. I feel like that's part of my mission is to help empower other men to do the same thing. So you can certainly find me online.
Speaker 1:My energy website is tantratomcom and it's a very simple website. You'll have all my socials on there and then you'll find a way to connect with me. But there's also a link on there where you can find all of my events that I do Kundalini Activations. I sometimes collaborate with other practitioners, so we'll bring in divine, feminine and masculine healing together, which is always wonderful to work with. And they are live and in person in New Jersey, pennsylvania, sometimes New York. But I also do virtual sessions, typically once a week, and it does work virtually just as well as it does in person, because we're talking about that quantum field, so there is no time and space, so I can literally give you a healing right now. You know whether we're even on Zoom or not. I could actually turn the computer off and just think about it. It's all about intention.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's what the other person said too. And then years ago I was in a conference where they had the hangers and they were showing out energy, Like if you think positive thoughts, the hangers would move a certain way and if negative thoughts, they move a different way or didn't move, or something. I forget exactly, but you know what I'm talking about. I see you're shaking your head.
Speaker 1:Yes, absolutely, and there's tons of studies on this stuff where, for example, you could take two identical plants and put them in the same room with the same sunlight, the same water, and you could write the word love on a piece of paper and put it next to one plant. You could write the word love on a piece of paper and put it next to one plant. You could write the word hate and put it on a piece of paper next to the other plant, and the one with the word love will grow and flourish. The one with the word hate will wither and die every time.
Speaker 1:How is that even possible? It's because the written word on that piece of paper actually carries the energy of the meaning behind the word, and that energy has a vibration that is affecting all living things around it. So the words that we speak matter. The way you talk to your kids matters. When you complain about something that your spouse said, it matters. It's all about what we're focused on. So this energy stuff goes deep and it's a rabbit. All about what we're focused on.
Speaker 2:So this, this energy stuff goes deep and it's a rabbit hole that you can really follow a long ways yeah, I just um had an interview earlier and we were talking about that too, like the, what you say and the, and you have a choice to say what you want to say to yourself or about yourself. You can stop if you can be aware again of when you're having some saying something negative and then turn it around to a more positive spin.
Speaker 1:Definitely, like you're saying yeah, and the key to that is catching yourself right, catching those negative thoughts. Most of us are not even aware of our thoughts. Like you mentioned, your co-workers that put the earbuds in and listen to music so they don't even hear the thoughts. They're still thinking the thoughts. They still have that negative vibration. It's when you stop and listen and you catch yourself you're like, wow, I'm really talking to myself like a jerk that you can start to change that. And that's where you know a simple meditation practice is. Even if you did five minutes a day to just sit quietly and watch your thoughts, you would be amazed at the things you say to yourself that you would never allow somebody to say to your kid or your girlfriend or whatever. But we're saying it to ourselves all day long. So taking five minutes and just starting to create some mindfulness around that is the first step to changing it?
Speaker 2:Yeah, definitely, I started doing transcendental meditation. You like forget for like 10 minutes that you're even thinking things and then you're like, oh wait, I was doing that. And then you go back to meditating, which, with transcendental meditation, it's an actual mantra. So every time you remember you go back to your mantra. But yeah, it's interesting, when I do it less frequently it takes me a lot longer to get back to remembering to do my mantra instead of having my brain go.
Speaker 1:Sure, it's like anything. You just need to practice it to be good at it, tamara, the last thing I want to share about this whole kundalini energy thing you know we're talking about these energetic orgasms and these ecstatic experiences that are better than sex is the part that your listeners might be very interested in is when you combine the two things. When you bring this energy work and you combine it with actual physical sex with somebody that you're connected with, it's like they multiply each other, and that is the piece that got so popularized by tantric sex is people would bring the energy work in the rising of the kundalini into the bedroom and they marketed that, and it is an absolutely incredible experience. But I believe that to have truly the best experience you can have, it's got to be rooted in the spiritual aspect of this. We can go do a kundalini activation and hope to get off cosmically, or we can steal a part of it and bring it into the bedroom to feed our ego of being a better lover.
Speaker 2:We can really truly dive into it and experience the bliss of both. That multiplies each other. Yeah, I can definitely see that Having. The ideal, I would say, is to have both. Was that your final thoughts, or did you want to add another final thought?
Speaker 1:No, I think that's a good place to wrap it up.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I agree, all right. Well, thank you again for being on and if you love this episode, be sure to tell your friends about it and rate it as well, and thank you again. Thanks, tamara.
Speaker 1:Frank Talk. Frank Talk Sex and Dating Educates.
