#94 Your Fighting is Actually a Sign You Care!

Ever noticed how the person you love most can trigger your worst reactions? That's no accident—it's attachment in action.

Couples therapist Figs O'Sullivan joins us to reveal the surprising truth behind relationship conflicts: we don't fight because we don't care, but because we care deeply. Drawing from his journey from childhood dysfunction to creating a loving family, Figgs shares the three-pillar framework that guides his transformative approach to couples therapy.

At the heart of his method lies attachment theory—the understanding that humans need emotional connection from birth until death. When we perceive threats to our bond with a loved one, our nervous system goes into protection mode. Combined with systems theory, we see how couples create feedback loops where one person's defensive reaction triggers the other's fears, escalating conflicts despite their best intentions.

"We're not a threat to each other," Figs explains, "we're just two threatened people having a hard time." This perspective shift is revolutionary—transforming how we view our partner's annoying behaviors as fear responses rather than intentional attacks.

Ready to transform your relationship dynamics? Visit Empathi.com for free resources, including an app to identify your attachment patterns, or explore working with Figgs and his specialized team of couples therapists.

Chapters

• 0:00 Introduction to Relationship Healing
• 8:52 Personal Journey to Couples Therapy
• 15:55 The Three Pillars Approach
• 18:54 Breaking the Negative Feedback Loop
• 23:09 Accepting Your "Dog from the Pound"
• 25:43 Finding Connection Through Vulnerability