#101 Why Having Sex Too Early Ruins Your Chances at Love

The chemical dance between testosterone and oxytocin might be the most overlooked factor in your dating life. Andre Paradis returns to the podcast to unveil the biological realities that shape our romantic interactions, particularly around sex and intimacy.

Andre explains how men and women operate on fundamentally different chemical systems. Men, fueled by testosterone, thrive on competition and challenge, receiving dopamine and endorphins that regulate their nervous systems when they accomplish goals. Women, however, are primarily oxytocin-driven, finding balance through connection, touch, and communication.

This distinction becomes critical when examining modern dating patterns. Women working in competitive environments experience approximately six times the stress men do in identical situations. Without testosterone to fuel them, these "boss babes" operate on adrenaline, which creates cortisol—depleting their energy, femininity, and emotional resources. The resulting oxytocin deficiency makes maintaining healthy boundaries around physical intimacy exceptionally difficult.

Ready to understand the chemical dynamics affecting your relationships? Contact Andre at andrecoaching1@gmail.com for a free consultation or to receive his workbook "The Five Feminine Qualities High Value Men Find Absolutely Irresistible."

Chapters

• 0:00 Welcome and Introduction
• 3:30 How Men and Women Differ Chemically
• 6:14 Why Sex Too Early Ruins Relationships
• 9:13 Work Stress and Female Chemistry
• 14:28 Setting Healthy Boundaries in Dating
• 16:08 Offers and Closing Thoughts

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

Welcome to the Straight from the Source's Mouth podcast. Frank talk about sex and dating.

Speaker 2: 0:06

Hello Tamara here, Welcome to the show. Today's guest is Andre Parody. He's back another time because he offers great stuff. He is a relationship coach, NLP coach, educator in effective communication strategies, workshop leader and public speaker, and today we'll be talking about sex. Thanks for joining me, Andre.

Speaker 1: 0:25

Good morning, good afternoon. I think your East Coast was afternoon for you. It's just turning afternoon for me, so good to see you.

Speaker 2: 0:33

Yes, good to see you as well, and I'm glad we're. We've talked a lot about men and women and how different we are. For sure, and that's a given, A lot of people I of people think they know it, but they don't really know they don't really know. They have issues but they don't know. It's just because men and women are so different.

Speaker 1: 0:52

Right, because we can't conceive what we don't know. I told you my story in 2006 when I ended up in a workshop understanding women. This is a guy that always has an ease with the ladies. What I mean by that is always attracted sweet, sweet women like my wife. You might think, oh my god, so that was always my story.

Speaker 1: 1:09

So I saw my friends fight and collide and yell that I might like, wow, that's weird, so I've never had that. So I thought I knew something. I thought I was. You know, I I'm artistic, I'm easygoing, right, whatever but I thought I knew something about women just because of my ease with what I attracted, until that workshop when I realized I knew nothing about women and it freaked me out. And that's how I started this work, because I was married at the time with two little kids and I realized I knew nothing about women, which meant I knew nothing about my wife and I saw the danger in that All my siblings I have four, four or like second and third divorce. Do you know what I mean like we're doing fine.

Speaker 1: 1:50

I have two little kids at a time. I'm not looking for this information, but when I finally I realized I didn't know anything about my wife houston, we have a problem. And that's when I went in to study for us, you know. And five years later I'm full-on teaching this stuff because the more I discovered, the more I discovered, the more I realized how much I didn't know, and just for the sake of us anyway. So it became a full-on, full-on. But like again, and what I see is people don't, you know, women know we're different than them, but they have no idea to which extent. The same way, I had no idea the extent of how women are different than us until that workshop and the work, and it's not. You know, mars and Venus, it's two different galaxies, it's like completely at the end. But in the world of equality, 50-50, and you know, like we actually start believing that we're more of the same or we should be more of the same, and it's what's not working. So you know, you know my story.

Speaker 2: 2:45

Yeah, definitely seen this in women and how they approach sex or something about that.

Speaker 1: 2:53

So well, this is, yeah, this is. This is like the, the scientific part of it. You understand that. You know, chemistry is, is, is, is chemistry, which is, you know, chemical reaction, reaction to the body. Understand, every time you have an emotion it creates a chemistry. Do I mean? Like with a laugh, cry, like, so we, we don't tend to focus on these things, but in my research, because I watched some of my ladies, who's super smart, right, go girl boss, babe, fine, um, there's a cost to pay for that if you go too far. But they want a relationship, they want to, they want to be right.

Speaker 1: 3:32

So, and you know, for me, the idea of and I say this all the time, yeah, if you get a man by his penis, you never get his heart. So having sex too early often destroys the relationship, even though for the feminine, it seems that all intimacy will start something and it doesn't. Now, that's not my opinion. This is the work. That's nothing to do with why. I believe this is the work where we know chemically, you know, when you have sex with a man before you get this heart invested, he cannot get, he will get this. This is crazy. If he's known you like six weeks, right, he likes you, you like him. You decide to cross the line, thinking you're starting something. He cannot emotionally like you more than he did at that six week mark. His emotional investment stops if his heart's not invested in it and you become the thing to play with as opposed to the thing to build with. It's tragic because it's not in our culture, like you know. If men want to have sex, so give him sex so he doesn't walk away. What if the guy just wants sex or he's gonna walk away, good for you, let him freaking walk away. If Well, if a guy just wants sex or is going to walk away, good for you, let him freaking walk away. If you want to build something anyway, if you want to have fun, then who cares? But if you want to build something, understand nature and chemistry and the chemistry of men, so get this. So if we're going to understand men and women so differently chemically right, testosterone-driven, estrogen-driven, right, with everything else plus. But the big, the big drivers, so men, normal masculine men, not boys, those are different beings, right?

Speaker 1: 5:04

But masculine men get a lot of good hormones release when they push, they compete, they fight, right, they in the world, they like working for us competing with us. It's actually tantalizing. Right, there's like, okay, let's go, guys, we're out. There's like you know, it's like you know this, if you've been on stage right Before you get on stage, you get that whoa, okay, ready to perform. Right, that's how men respond to work. Right, like whoa, let's go, just get it done. And if you push through the day and get the contract, get the game, get the whatever, the 5-5, wow, fantastic.

Speaker 1: 5:37

We use our testosterone to compete and when it does, it gives us dopamine, hormone in our bodies and endorphins following up. So we go, ah, with the jet fuel that's called testosterone and at the end of the day we're like day right, so now I feel good. Right, I got dopamine in my in my system and endorphins. That kind of brings me on the curve and I had to go home and relax so I could do it again the next day. Right, so our testosterone driven bodies that creates dopamine and endorphins regulates our nervous system, regulates our nervous system.

Speaker 1: 6:12

So men who don't work are stressed out, anxious, often emotional, unstable, right, that kind of stuff. Even a man who's a man, when he loses his job, he can't be in that space for so long. He goes crazy Because there's no. It dysregulates his nervous system, do you get it? So here it goes, right. So some of my ladies are super smart, but they're boss babes, right. So they compete in the world like men. They have these high-demanding, stressful jobs.

Speaker 1: 6:41

Now, this is the work of Dr John Gray, mars and Venus. I studied with him, chemically, physiologically, the same energy that I use to do a regular work week as a man, but fuel by jet fuel, right, like supported by jet fuel. The same work, normal work week, cost a woman six times the stress we experience. Upgrade and you know, kind of excitement on some level by competition tantalizing, you just get stressed out six times more, right. So being in your masculine, being a boss, is costing you your energy, right. And that energy comes because you don't have testosterone. You're six times stress level through the same week because you don't have testosterone is actually driving is being driven by adrenaline that creates cortisol. So adrenaline is a fight-and-flight mode.

Speaker 1: 7:37

So women competing in the world are like every time you have to do something, squirt, squirt adrenaline in your bloodstream, squirt, squirt adrenaline in your bloodstream, squirt, squirt, right, it's a fight-and-flight. It's very costly on your nervous system. It takes away your femininity, it kills your energy. It makes you anxious, stressed, overwhelmed, right, and are you ready for this? It dysregulates your nervous system. So what happened is, as much as men love dopamine, the drug of choice of the female body, the hormone is oxytocin. This is a normal for women.

Speaker 1: 8:10

For the physical female body, oxytocin is the go-to, the feel-good hormone. You get oxytocin by touching, talking to your friends, talking to anybody, right? The connection that you get into being social and in community makes a woman feel safe and connected, right? We don't need that as men. So get this. When you work like men, man, six times the stress, right, adrenaline burning you from the inside, right, you've become. Get this. And I'm saying this because I see my clients doing. I'm like what is this? So it's another layer of research, because there's a lack of oxytocin in your day all day long and you're overwhelmed. There's a need to hunt it on some level. So one of my clients said you know, I talked to my mother every day for an hour and I'm like, okay, I get it right, you're stressed all day and then somehow just a conversation and just blah, blah, blah makes you feel better. But what's dangerous that, I see, is that being dysregulated hormonally because you don't get it, the oxytocin that you need to calm down and feel good, because that's how you feel good and calm down.

Speaker 1: 9:20

I've had ladies who are so needy of oxytocin. They can't hold sexual boundaries around them, which means they need to be touched, they need to be desired, they need affection, they need somebody to find them pretty right. There's such a need for connection in a world where yours is a boss babe and burnt out right, that even when I say to them don't have sex too early because it's going to ruin it for the guy who wants to build something because that's how it goes for men they can't hold the boundary and they end up crossing the line in a week and in a first date in two weeks. And I'm like these are smart women, why? Why aren't they getting the fact right? Because it's not my opinion.

Speaker 1: 10:04

Again, it's all the data and I realized the lifestyle has you so needy and you're dysregulated and you can't literally control what you need, which is keeping you from getting in healthy relationships, because men need to be. It takes time, you know. If you have sex too early, he'll just play with you. He'll never see you as to build with and if you want to build with this is where it all goes to hell. So that's, that's the dance of the chemistry of our bodies and how chemistry drives us, each one of us. So you know, there it is. It's explained a couple of things for a lot of women. Oh my God, really. So what should I do? Work less.

Speaker 2: 10:44

Yeah, yeah, it's funny you say that because I've been off work for the last two months and I've been much more calm and much like everything you're saying, and I'm supposed to start a new job, not supposed I'm starting a new Bad timing. I've been so, yeah, like much calmer, more patient, like all the things.

Speaker 1: 11:03

Because you're not fighting all day long.

Speaker 1: 11:05

And it's costing you all the goodies your femininity, your warmth, your glow, your radiance. All of this goes away when you're stressed out and you wonder why men don't notice you. You can be beautiful, it doesn't matter, it's like energetically. Because when you're stressed out, I'm going to say this, and it's just that you should never be stressed out. You can't even control it, but living like a man will put you in that space and that energy right, and understand that as men, we connect so much into your energy, like like to a point we can't, you can't, you don't really get it right.

Speaker 1: 11:39

But if my wife comes home and she's not good, I instantly go right, oh, oh, oh, and what it does is pushes me back when she actually probably needs me to put her arms around her right, but like, until she says I've had a bad day, could you push your arm right? Like, like, energetically. I'm like I don't want to be near that because it could blow up if I say what's wrong, it could be me right, I've had a full day. So when you're burnt out, you disappear from us. We don't see you or we walk away from you. We don't be around that energy, it's just so. See what the lifestyle could cost you. So for you to be off for two months, I totally get it. It's nature so good stuff, good awareness.

Speaker 2: 12:23

Yeah, for sure, and I can see how in the past you know that was probably true to what you said earlier. And, like you said, yeah, like yeah, just knowing makes no difference. Like knowing you shouldn't do it, but then you're like no, but I just want the connection.

Speaker 1: 12:38

You're so needy of you know literally the chemistry Street to make you relax and to be desired to be touched to be made love to. The biggest shot of oxytocin you get is through lovemaking except that's not what's happening for him. That's the problem, right yeah.

Speaker 2: 12:55

But I'd say, if a woman can speak up and say I don't need sex, I just want to really like cuddle and be close and like lay together. But a lot of times, since they're unable to say that, they just go through with the whole thing when really they would have been perfectly fine just to cuddle and yeah and yeah, no, totally.

Speaker 1: 13:15

men love making out. You know what I mean, and and and making out is sexuality. Right, you don't have to literally penetrate anybody for it to be sexual over the top, with a sweater, under the sweater, all that beautiful stuff. But if you understand, men who are looking to build with a woman, love that boundary. It makes you safe, it makes you a woman who knows who she is and can say no, I'd love to, I'd love to, I'd love to, I'd love to bravish the hell out of you. Except I don't know where this is going yet. I don't know where the plans are for me, like in your life, yet we don't know each other that much and I don't have casual sex.

Speaker 1: 14:04

Now, a man who wants to build a life with a woman, woman that doesn't make you look work, no, like down on it. He puts you like, oh shit, like this woman knows who she is, she has boundaries, she, and then she could address them and present them kindly, respectfully, as opposed to I'm not sleeping, but you know what I mean like, just, I don't have casual sex and I don't know where this is going. So you know again, you can make out, you do all kinds of beautiful stuff except penetration three. You have three holes right intercourses into the body. So you have three holes. Ladies, don't let his dick into the three holes. And you've not crossed the line that compromises you and him, because he's going to say I got her. You know he's going to just play with you and you know he may just play with you and you've been gotten. You know what I mean. So it's, and understand that the guy who's going to you know, shame you because you don't want to sleep with him, right, and that's, that's all he wants. So you know, if you set the boundaries respectfully and he's like, well, I need to let him go, good, he's not a guy who's trying to build with you in the first place, right, he's the guy who wants to play with you and get you all twisted and, you know, addicted to him with the oxytocin and six months later, nine months later, you know he just moves on and there you are, devastated and hurt and heartbreak and just, it's not worth it. So understand if the man is going to make you feel bad for not having sex with him and leave, good for you, good for you.

Speaker 1: 15:29

Next, right, find a guy who wants to build and, by the way, men want to build. The idea that men don't want to be married is ridiculous. Masculine men who build themselves up, conquer their their fears, are successful, are looking for wives and they want to have children and build a legacy and a kingdom. And men are still traditional Not the boys, as you understand, but the idea that men don't want to get married is ridiculous. Everybody I know, all my friends, all married with children In Los Angeles. Interesting, the boys are playing around.

Speaker 2: 16:03

All right. So if people want to work with you, how can they work with you and how do they find you?

Speaker 1: 16:08

Okay.

Speaker 1: 16:09

So my website is projectequinoxnet and if you go under contact tab up above, or appointments, you can actually book a call with me. And while the conversation is on me it's a gift to me, listeners you can just book a call and I'll talk to you about what's not working, because people call when they're stuck in the loop. Like same result, same result, men or women, like same result. What's wrong with me? Oh, nothing wrong with you. You're a product of your past and I always say I can't get anybody in a healthy relationship until we clean up your baggage. So we come with the baggage. If you understand when the wheels came off in childhood, it's always the same and you understand there's nothing wrong with you. You can be fixed. That's what I do. And then that means you know what's the dream life, is it? You know, long-term companionship, as in marriage and kids, if you're young, right, like da-da-da-da-da. So, and I have this. So if the people want to take action, if you want to get a hold of me, talk to me. I get no pressure right. Go to the website under contact projectequinoxnet. But actually I'll send it directly. Even Andre, coaching A-N-D-R-E, coaching C-O-A-C-H-I-N-G the number one in Gmail and right in the box, the subject box talk now and I'll send you a link to my calendar and you'll find yourself an hour. Just open and click and we'll have a conversation Again, no pressure.

Speaker 1: 17:35

It's a gift for showing up, because I always say that people show up, who win, who dig, who push forward. You know, we understand. So I have a second gift for people who are not ready to take action. I want to say you're just more curious. I call them information seekers. We'll let the audience qualify themselves. But if you're an information seeker lady, I will again andrecoaching1 at gmailcom, and in the subject box just write irresistible book.

Speaker 1: 18:08

I will send you a copy of my. It's a workbook called the Five Feminine Qualities High Value Men Find Absolutely Irresistible. This is my work with men. This is men speaking these. So you want to know what's going on with these creatures called men. This is men talking about the five things they find irresistible. It's a workbook. It's 30 pages. I sell it on my website. I'll make that a gift. Just, I'll be coaching one irresistible.

Speaker 1: 18:32

If you want both gifts, give me both gifts. I'll give you both gifts. If you want to ask me a question, ask me a question, right, I'm opening the channels If you want. If you think I'm full of crap, tell me I'm full of crap and I'm not, just come at me. But again, this is kind of you know. And, by the way, the five feminine qualities have nothing to do with what you think it is. It's not your butt, it's not your height, it's not your hair color, it's none of that. It's energetically how men receive you and what they find irresistible. It's good stuff. So you know, reach out, reach out, we'll have a conversation if you want, and no pressure.

Speaker 2: 19:08

All right, awesome as always, and if you love this episode, be sure to tell your friends about it and share it as well and also follow the show. That'd be awesome, all right. Well, thank you again, andre, for being on. Thank you, dan.

Speaker 1: 19:19

Anytime.

Speaker 2: 19:21

All right, yes, and thanks everyone. All right, thanks, bye.

Speaker 1: 19:26

Frank talk. Frank talk sex and dating educate.