Straight from the Source's Mouth: Frank Talk about Sex and Dating
Are you perpetually single? Do you want longer-lasting relationships? Tired of the miscommunication and misunderstandings? Wish you were better in bed? Advice from experts as well as real talk from real people so that you can see you are not alone in your thoughts and experiences. I talk about sex in my stand-up comedy and people often tell me that I say what they are thinking but are too afraid to say or admit it to their partners; too taboo they think. We'll talk about books we've read on dating, relationships and sex so that you can gain knowledge without having to read all the books yourself. I'll interview people on both sides of an issue: people who are great at dating and unsuccessful at dating...learn from the person who's great and also learn what not to do! We'll do the same with sex and relationships so that you can learn what works so you don't need to repeat others' past mistakes. I'll interview sex coaches and love coaches. We intend this to be a how-to guide. Hit follow and join us!
Straight from the Source's Mouth: Frank Talk about Sex and Dating
#102 The Love Language Translator: Breaking Down Relationship Barriers
Communication is a skill that requires practice, and effective communication can transform personal relationships. Corine LaFont, communications specialist and podcaster, shares insights on navigating communication challenges in everyday life.
• Everyone can improve their communication skills with practice
• Authentic communication starts with discovering your personal strengths
• Understanding your audience is crucial for effective communication
• People communicate through their preferred love languages
• Frame sensitive conversations within your partner's love language
• Walking away from conflict temporarily can prevent regrettable words
• Maintaining calm during conflict helps defuse tense situations
• Our intuition serves as an internal warning system and is never wrong
• We often ignore our intuition because we're drawn to familiar patterns
• "Between the Lines" podcast helps decode hidden meanings in communication
• Building a relationship with your intuition leads to more authentic connections
Find Corine on LinkedIn or visit her website at beyondthelineslearningstore.com for courses, resources, and more information on her podcast "Between the Lines."
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Welcome to the Straight from the Source's Mouth.
Speaker 2:Podcast Frank talk about sex and dating. Hello, tamara here, welcome to the show. Today's guest is Corinne LaFont communications specialist and consultant, podcaster and publisher, and we'll be talking about navigating the communication terrain in life and personal relationships. Thanks for joining me, corinne.
Speaker 1:You're welcome, Maydea. It's a pleasure to be here. Thanks for having me.
Speaker 2:Yes, communication is very important. A lot of people think they're good at it and not. I'm guessing you would agree that not everyone does.
Speaker 1:I'm not perfect. It's a work in progress. It's something that everybody could work at, just like everything else. It's a skill, like everything else, and with practice you can get better. Not perfect, but you could get better.
Speaker 2:All right, Well, so to get started. What are some of the biggest misconceptions people have about effective communication?
Speaker 1:How do they impact? Well, I don't know. They would probably think, because I can't think for them, but I'm thinking that they're not a speaker that they can't go out in, which is typically what we would say with everything else. If somebody's jumping out of a plane and you're like, no, I can't do that. If somebody's writing a book, you're like, oh, I can't do that until you actually do it and you realize you are actually doing the things every day, because we talk every day.
Speaker 1:Some people take that talk on a stage. Some people take that talk like what we're doing on a podcast. Some people take that talk on a stage. Some people take that talk like what we're doing on a podcast. Some people take that talk in front of a class, and we have all been in front of a class. We have all been called by the teacher. We have all been called to stand up and explain or go up in front of the board when it was a board before and work out that math problem or whatever it is.
Speaker 1:So we are doing it. It's just that the environment in which we may have to do it may not be as big as some people's you know environment but we are doing it every day. We are talking to our kids, we're talking to our friends, we're talking to some business asking for some help. You know so we are doing it. So it's really just, uh, what you call that, an imposter syndrome that you're feeding, telling yourself that I can't do it, but you are actually doing it every day yeah, I guess the key word is the effective part.
Speaker 2:Like I know, I struggle sometimes. I guess there's internal um internal and external people that process internally and externally. Like I kind of just think out loud so it doesn't always come across as like exactly how I would like to say it.
Speaker 1:That's all right, and there's no panacea for effective. So effective to me will be different effective to you. Your effective way to process things is to talk it out loud, like if you're talking to yourself and discussing it and rationalizing it. Some people will internally do that, you know, and that's okay too. Whatever, or your audience requires that you end up stumbling and fumbling, so just be yourself. If that's what works for you, you go right ahead. That is what works for you. Your audience will accept you because that's what you want. You want your audience to accept you for who you are. If there are people who are stutterers and it has to be that they want to improve in terms of stuttering they don't want to be going in front of a crowd and stuttering. But there is, I'm telling you, at least one person in that audience who went through stuttering or have a family member or a child that stuttered. So they know the struggle, they know the challenge. No-transcript.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, definitely. And I know you talk about like five steps for communication. Do you want to talk about that?
Speaker 1:Yeah, if you remind me what they are.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it says step one is discover your strengths.
Speaker 1:Yeah, Well, it comes back to what I was just saying. You know you must be authentic to yourself because your strengths are really in your authenticity. If you talk through everything like what you were just saying, you talk it out like you're talking to a friend. Hey, that works for you, that's your strength, that's how you process. You know it will work for different environments where you talk things through.
Speaker 1:Sometimes you just need to tell persons just give me a minute. You go into a space where there's a bathroom or a room by yourself and you have that conversation. You come back out with clarity Some people because you see you might be in a pressured environment and people are watching you, staring at you, and you can't work under pressure that way. You just need a little space to really talk things out, hear yourself, think it through and come back with clarity, and you deserve to ask for that one minute. You deserve to say hey, you know, just give me some time and I will come back to you. There's no need to rush. So know what your strengths are and work on them. You know, keep building on them. But it doesn't mean that if you know there are things you want and, I stress on, you want to improve, then do that. If you feel you don't want to improve it, that's fine too.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, for sure. And I would say it says step two is understanding your audience, so like in a relationship to or the audience if you're a speaker but of course and again it comes back to what we were saying earlier you know your audience.
Speaker 1:If you understand what your audience wants and your audience understand you, they're going to work with you. You know it comes just like when you're having a client. You want a client that is could relate to you, just like how a client wants you to relate to them. It must be a mutual, synergistic kind of relationship, not one where one person is giving more and the other one is. You know it has to be a yin yang sort of a relationship, you know. So we have to understand each other. It's not just you understanding your audience, they must be able to understand you. And that takes time, because nobody knows everybody in one interaction. It takes time. So, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2:Do you have tips for like within a relationship itself, Like if one person struggles, or like how to approach subjects. Do you have a different like a way to approach people? Or? Just as long as you know what you want to say, you're good.
Speaker 1:Well, all of that is applicable depending on the circumstance and with who you're talking with, but it requires again coming back to understanding your audience. So in personal relationships, you're with someone you know, a significant person in your life you would have hopefully taken the time to know. And I call them and it's understood love languages. People communicate in their love language. So for me, one of my main love languages is quality time or acts of service, which is a major thing for me. Those are the two main ones for me. If somebody decides they want to do affirmations, tell me, oh, how pretty I am, how brilliant I am, that's not really doing anything for me. It might do something for somebody else, but it's not. If you decide, hey, corinne, I'm going to cook for you today, save you some time, I'll give you the space to really rest, do some self-care. You know that kind of thing. Hey, you're talking love to me, and so if you're able to take the time to understand the person's love language, how they communicate, what matters to them, you are able to know, whatever that situation that might be tense or sensitive that you want to come to them with, you're going to come to them with an understanding of that love language and you put it within the context of that. You know you frame it within that context so when they receive it, they know that it's coming from a place where you have taken them into consideration. When you are coming, not in an attack, defensive or any other mode, you're framing it and it's not. It might sound manipulative, it isn't. It is really to attack.
Speaker 1:Know the person that you're talking to, know your audience and you know that, hey, this is what matters to them. I can't be coming to the person with just what I want. This has to matter for the other person and they must be able to hear it. So you speak their language. I'm English. I know very little Spanish, but if I make the effort to learn your language Spanish it breaks down some language barriers. It breaks down that communication. You see me making the attempt to learn your language because that's how you natively speak, as opposed to keep speaking in English and you're frustrated trying to understand me. It makes no sense. It's like we're butting heads, which is what happens in a lot of personal relationships. We're just coming from our perspective, as opposed to trying to understand the other person's perspective and meeting them or making the attempt. I don't need to be fluent in Spanish, I just need to you know, make the attempt, show the effort that I am trying, and so I can explain, you know and come across in a way that you would understand.
Speaker 2:Yeah, definitely. And how is there a certain way you handle conflict, or is that something you cover or like?
Speaker 1:Walk away. Walk away Again. You have to understand the situation. Who you're talking to? It could be your children. It could be somebody personal in your life. It could be your supervisor, it could be an employee of yours or a staff member.
Speaker 1:Take the time, don't be ready to shoot from the hip. I like to use the Western movies you shoot first and then ask questions. No, you know, you shoot first and then ask questions. No, you know, sometimes that might be relevant, you know.
Speaker 1:But generally you walk away and take the time to clear because in the moment when the emotions and all of the things, the hormones, are kicking up in your system, you're not thinking clearly. You think you're thinking clearly, but you're thinking emotionally and the things that would come out of your mouth. You really don't want to regret having to say it or having to apologize. So it is best if you take the time and if the person is coming at you in a conflict mode, you deserve to say I am not ready to discuss this now and stand firm on that. I am not ready, this is not the time nor the place. We will come back to it. I am not ready, this is not the time nor the place we will come back to it. But people will still antagonize you because they want to vent, they want to get at you, but you are not prepared for that.
Speaker 1:And most of the times persons can't survive and when I say survive, that sort of anger cannot survive in a space where the other person is very peaceful, has a very controlled tone, very calm. They cannot survive. They have to meet you in that space. They have to you stand there. You keep saying the same thing. I'm not ready to discuss this right now and I'm asking you to be respectful of that. And if you keep saying that they have to and they will eventually walk away until it's time, and if they are not ready at that time, that's okay. There will come a time when it will be discussed.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, definitely. I've seen that before where, and it's hard if they're getting angry. A lot of people want to get angry with them. But yeah, like you said, if you stay calm, stay calm, yeah. Stay calm, Nothing gets done in anger you know, yeah, and I was going to ask do you have any suggestions for people that are afraid, like in a dating situation they see someone that they think is attractive and they want to go talk to them, but they're scared, like what pointers would you give them or how would you talk them?
Speaker 1:It depends. Why are you scared? That's the question you need to ask yourself. Why are you scared? I don't know. It's hard to answer that question because they may think that person is out of my league.
Speaker 1:Then that's an insecurity issue. Somebody, you either think they're out of your league or I don't know, or you don't deserve to talk to them, or they carry this particular title, and why would they want to talk to you? All of it is coming from insecurity and that has nothing to do with the person that you want to approach. That has to do with you. So you need to take the time to work on yourself and make the decision either to approach or not. I mean, think about it. What's the worst that could happen? Really? What's the worst? What's the worst, especially if it's in a public area? You say hi, everybody says hi, hi.
Speaker 1:You know I've approached many people, but I don't have an insecurity problem, so I would walk up to people. People would walk up to me, or some people might be afraid to talk to me, and when they do, if somebody brings them up, you know, like a mommy-daddy situation, let me take you to Korea, you know. I say hey, why are you so? Why are you scared? Sit down, have a drink, you know let's have something to eat, or whatever it is. Or join. Have a drink, you know let's have something to eat, or whatever it is, or join me it's not a problem.
Speaker 1:Come you know. Yeah, so it's your insecurity. It has nothing to do with the other person, it's you need to work on yourself and ask yourself why. Where is that coming from? You know?
Speaker 2:Yeah, I'm sure All right, and you have your own podcast as well. Do you want to talk about that?
Speaker 1:Of course.
Speaker 2:Anything else you want to share how people can?
Speaker 1:Yeah, well, I can't share how people think I mean, everybody thinks differently but I can share about my podcast. It's called Between the Lines. It's focused on decoding hidden meanings in communication. It's targeted to persons that we are talking about, persons who are, let's call them empaths, people who are people pleasers, people who are highly sensitive, people who are compassionate, but it's also for persons who are in negotiation situations, who are once you're interacting with another human being and you could tell when something is off, but you're not sure what that off is. You're dealing in a workplace situation and a teammate or your supervisor may have said something to you and you know the words coming out of their mouth is one thing, but you're feeling something different. So the podcast helps you to be empowered. It helps you to be discerning, more discerning. So your level of discern able to help you to improve that relationship with your intuition, to follow it to a T, because it never, never guides you wrong. Your friends, your family will guide you wrong, but you see, your intuition, that is your barometer, that's your little you warning you that something is off and you need to follow it. Take the chance and follow it, because it never guides you wrong and you have proven that to yourself time and time again. So the podcast helps to bring up a lot of everyday situations, context scenarios that we address.
Speaker 1:And I go deeper into my podcast. So it's not just having a conversation. I'm doing solo episodes as well as having guests. So besides the discussion I also go deeper into that particular topic. I would have had with a guest to dive deeper into yourself. You know reflections as well as some worksheets, you know, to get you going and I have ebook courses. That helps to support that as well.
Speaker 1:I try not to do the coaching unless, of course, persons have a group and they say hey, corinne, I want you to come and you know you must have a group in order for me to do it. But I don't do one-on-one coaching. I prefer to have my courses where you could take it, do it on your own time and if you feel to reach out to me and probably I can assist you. You know if you need to reach out once you're willing to pay the consultancy fee. But if you have a coaching session or training workshops at a corporate level, I do workshops, seminars, I do panel discussions, I do paid speaking engagements. All of these things I will do, but I try to avoid a one-on-one coaching. It's not very efficient use of my time.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and how can they reach you if they wanted to reach you for that?
Speaker 1:Of course, people can easily get me on LinkedIn. It's a popular platform, so you just put in my name, corrine Laffont, and, of course, when you see this cute face, you'll obviously not miss it. And my website is Beyond the Lines Learning. That's similar to Between the Lines, which is my podcast. So you go to beyondthelineslearningstore S-T-O-R-E and you'll be able to find me, or just Google my name, corrine Laffont. It's quite popular in France because it's a popular name. It's French, but you will be able to pick me out from the group.
Speaker 2:Okay, and I just want to go back to your intuition thing. I hear the voice and I'll not do it anyways. Or, like just yesterday or two days ago, I was like thinking to myself don't turn off the light as you walk. And then, sure enough, I decided to turn it off anyways and I stubbed my toe when I walked and I was like, and I it told me I ignore it.
Speaker 1:I don't know why I do that and you hit your toe and would you do it again if you hear it?
Speaker 2:I know.
Speaker 1:How many toes?
Speaker 2:do you need to stub? Yeah, yeah, I mean, like you said, said it's always right. So it's always right, it's never, never wrong.
Speaker 1:We know this. So we need to be able to build that relationship with our intuition. And you know it's. It's amazing, even job interviews you go in. Sometimes you're into it even before you reach a job interview. You see the ad. Your intuition says don't't, but what is the voices you're hearing otherwise?
Speaker 2:Oh.
Speaker 1:I need a job, I have mortgage, my kids, they're going to school, dah, dah, dah. But you know you're not supposed to apply for that job. You know you reach a point of the job interview. Let's say they call you, they shortlist you and you're going in. You could feel it I'm not supposed to be here, I'm not supposed to be here, I'm not supposed to be here. And you have such a horrible experience in the interview, right, and you just know I'm not supposed to be here.
Speaker 1:You don't have any proof yet. I think that is where the issue comes in. You don't have any visual, solid, tangible proof. It's just a voice telling you don't, don't, don't. But that voice is there to protect you. That voice is there to protect you. Hey, hey, you know tomorrow, hey, corey, don't go, don't go, don't, don't, don't, don't. And it gets real loud after a while and we hear it. But we just don't go on that date, don't answer that phone, don't take that taxi, and all of these things are things that actually happened to me. You know, don't, and you still do, and I could end up dead.
Speaker 1:You understand what I'm saying. I tell you it's just God. I'm a firm believer in God. So you know, we have to follow that voice. We have to follow that voice and I put all different scenarios, discussions or red flags we see with guys and for guys. When you see it with women, it's flaring, the thing is burning red and you're still going towards it. You know it, you're still running towards it.
Speaker 1:But, as I said, these things are deep-seated issues. It's not just surface level. When you see those red flags and you're going towards it, whether it's a relationship delicious, but he's not good for you. You know why. Because it's familiar. But you are saying to yourself how could it be familiar to me?
Speaker 1:Because it's normalized in your life, from a child growing up, it has become normalized and you feel this is normal, it's familiar. We move to the familiar and you feel this is normal, it's familiar, we move to the familiar. So we have to be able to recognize these things. So between the lines is, as it suggests, reading between the lines, being able to see what really is. You know, even though the words coming out, even though the guy's telling you all the things you want to hear, you're like you're a little bit too perfect. You know you're saying all the right stuff, come on. You know no, but you know something is off. You know so Between the Lines helps you to understand what's happening between the lines, and then we take you beyond the lines by helping you to move beyond that point, get out of the normalized, familiar and move beyond the lines.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's awesome, thank you, yeah, definitely, yeah, definitely needed. Yeah, and is there anything else you wanted to add or like? If not, there's a like, a final takeaway Well.
Speaker 1:Final takeaways Thank you so much for having me on, tamara, and I encourage persons to, of course, follow me, get to know me and, of course, listen to Between the Lines. We are building out an ecosystem in terms of my podcast. It is more than a podcast. It is a content-driven educational platform that helps persons to take it to the next level. So when I mentioned I don't want to have an interest in really doing one-on-one coaching, my podcast allows me to level up or move beyond that, to help persons out there, and I know people need help. People are in marriages, people are in jobs, people are doing things that are hurting themselves. They're not really living the authentic, joyful, blissful life that they want. So we have to be able to dive deeper into what's going on there, and that's what Between the Lines is for.
Speaker 2:All right, well, thank you very much. That was great stuff, short and to the point, and if you love this episode, be sure to tell your friends about it and rate it as well. And thank you again for being on. You're welcome, alrighty. Thanks everyone. Bye.
