Straight from the Source's Mouth: Frank Talk about Sex and Dating
Are you perpetually single? Do you want longer-lasting relationships? Tired of the miscommunication and misunderstandings? Wish you were better in bed? Advice from experts as well as real talk from real people so that you can see you are not alone in your thoughts and experiences. I talk about sex in my stand-up comedy and people often tell me that I say what they are thinking but are too afraid to say or admit it to their partners; too taboo they think. We'll talk about books we've read on dating, relationships and sex so that you can gain knowledge without having to read all the books yourself. I'll interview people on both sides of an issue: people who are great at dating and unsuccessful at dating...learn from the person who's great and also learn what not to do! We'll do the same with sex and relationships so that you can learn what works so you don't need to repeat others' past mistakes. I'll interview sex coaches and love coaches. We intend this to be a how-to guide. Hit follow and join us!
Straight from the Source's Mouth: Frank Talk about Sex and Dating
#103 From Tech Executive to Dating App Creator: One Woman's Journey
We explore modern dating challenges with guest Padmini Pandya, who shares her unique perspective from working in tech, creating a dating app, and dating across different countries and cultures.
• From organizational psychologist to tech executive in Asia for a decade
• Dating internationally after divorce at 31 compared to dating in America
• Looked into creating a dating app based on empathy and charitable causes
• Why dating apps often fail to create meaningful matches
• The irreplaceable aspects of in-person chemistry that technology can't replicate
• How pitch-a-friend events and other in-person alternatives are gaining popularity
• Why post-breakup periods can be the most serendipitous and growth-oriented times
• The problem with "situationships" and half-relationships that waste time
• Padmini's YouTube channel "Pieces of Miss Mini" sharing life lessons through personal stories
If you liked or loved this episode, be sure to tell your friends about it, rate it, and follow the show.
Thanks for listening!
Check out this site for everthing to know about women's pleasure including video tutorials and great suggestions for bedroom time!!
https://for-goodness-sake-omgyes.sjv.io/c/5059274/1463336/17315
Take the happiness quiz from Oprah and Arthur Brooks here: https://arthurbrooks.com/build
NEW: Subscribe monthly: https://www.buzzsprout.com/1805181/support
Email questions/comments/feeback to tamara@straightfromthesourcesmouth.co
Website: https://straightfromthesourcesmouthpod.net/
Instagram: @fromthesourcesmouth_franktalk
Twitter: @tamarapodcast
YouTube and IG: Tamara_Schoon_comic
Welcome to the Straight from the Source's Mouth podcast, frank talk about sex and dating. Hello, tamara here. Welcome to the show. Today's guest is Padmini Pandya, who has the YouTube channel Pieces of Miss Mini, and we'll be talking about all things dating, including the apps. Thanks for joining me, padmini.
Speaker 2:Thank you so much for having me.
Speaker 1:Thank you. Yes, I love to. We've had a lot of relationship and sex stuff lately, so this will be more just just like regular old dating topics, Okay cool, cool. Yeah, and do you want to just start out how you or why you started your channel, like what? Yeah?
Speaker 2:you know, I had such a eclectic, very surprising, unique life that you know whether it's been, you know my family background and also you know the places that I've lived, which have been. You know multiple countries and continents and you know the things that I've done, that I had. I had so many crazy stories in me that you know. A lot of people encouraged me to write and I will. I I'm dabbling in it. I'm not naturally a writer, but I really gravitated towards actually telling the stories from my mouth and from my voice, with you know the expressions and the animations that only that can convey. And so I very surprisingly, especially to myself, decided to start a YouTube channel, and it's named Pieces of Miss Minnie, and Minnie is the second half of my name, padmini, which means lotus flower, or it's named Pieces of Miss Minnie and Minnie is the second half of my name, padmini, which means lotus flower, or it's another name for the goddess Lakshmi.
Speaker 2:And I decided to do this channel basically as a way for me to just tell my stories. It was really like an art form for me. It was not a monetization strategy, it was really somehow a way for me to take all these stories that I have had so deeply in me for so many years and really bring them to light. And it's really. It's good, bad and ugly, it's embarrassing moments, it's heartbreak, it's disrespect, it's accomplishment and all of the above. And so, yeah, it's really been, um, it's really been how I've been expressing myself and I will. I will see where it goes from here.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, I did. Well, I used to do standup, so I had a YouTube channel for it just to post my videos, and then I transferred all that to the podcast stuff.
Speaker 2:But yeah so yeah, it's.
Speaker 1:A lot of people have their expressions nowadays, just no matter which channel.
Speaker 2:Yeah, no, and I think it's actually fascinating the way we're allowed to express ourselves these days. I mean, it wouldn't have even been, wouldn't have even been thought of. You know, even 20 years ago, especially 30, 40 years ago, these technologies weren't even available. So I think that's actually, you know, it's the age of Aquarius, so it is the age of communication and technology, and I think being able to express ourselves in different modalities is actually like such an interesting art form, form yeah, and I know you used to work in tech and then also, you had a dating app at one point.
Speaker 1:So yes which where you want to go from here, which which?
Speaker 2:um direction. I mean, so I can tell like. So I had. I guess I'll tell it chronologically. So I worked in tech for, um, like corporate tech, for substantially about a decade give or take. I lived in Asia for about a decade and that was on the heels of my divorce at 31. And I moved to Asia and I lived in Thailand for two and a half years and Singapore for about seven and I kind of like that's where my career really grew and I started off my background as an organizational psychologist and corporate strategist. And you know, I started off with smaller companies to begin with and then I joined a digital agency and then when I went to Singapore, I was running corporate strategy and from there I had about three you know, decent sized jobs with some pretty big like multinational tech companies.
Speaker 2:Um, I burned out in, uh, you know, when I was about, uh, just approaching 40, I really I just I had been in Asia for almost a decade. I, you know I was by myself, I had, I had dated, you know, men from around the world because these are very international markets and, you know, learned a lot and also, you know, made some weird mistakes. I think some of them would have been inevitable since I was married during my twenties. I really only started dating as an adult in my thirties. So that was also like a steep learning curve and I didn't do it in America, I did it in Asia. So that was its own, also like reality show, like I hadn't been. You know, I hadn't been single in my thirties, let alone, you know, waking up in Bangkok my 30s. Let alone, you know, waking up in Bangkok. Like that, that was its own. You know, that could be a miniseries right there, but you know I I figured it out and then again in Singapore. But you know, and I have a multinational background, so one respect, it suited me well. But like there was a lot to also learn. And you know, while I don't regret leaving my marriage, I think you know the man I married was a substantial, respectable man and very, very few men, actually none of them thus far have ever compared to him, which is why I've never been remarried again thus far have ever compared to him, which is why I've never been remarried again.
Speaker 2:And so, anyway, when I moved back to the States, which was around COVID, I also very impulsively. Well, there were two impulses. One was coming back to the States and trying to date on dating apps was utterly bizarre. I realized that actually dating in Asia was far more dignified and dating in America was really quite rough around the edges. And you know, I had been matched with a number of men who I would, you know, philosophically, intellectually, politically, have nothing in common with. And I realized, like how ridiculous a lot of these dating apps were, that they only really matched people literally based on you are breathing and have a beating heart, they are breathing and have a beating heart, you are within, you know, a five mile radius meet and it's like under what circumstance would that be an occasion to really like meet somebody Like that's not enough in common.
Speaker 2:And so, after being matched with some utterly ridiculous men you know, like in their muscle tees at the gym, taking selfies and just thinking like what on earth is going on, I had an idea with a friend of mine to basically start a dating app and really we were thinking like what is the common denominator? And I had known him well in Singapore he was the MD of China while I was running corporate strategy for one of the tech companies and we had become very good friends and he is South African, and so he moved back to Cape Town about six months before I moved back to America. So we were both going through our own um reverse culture shock, and we were both single and really having a hard time figuring out where our place was in technically our home country, but largely unrecognizable once you've been an expat for so long. And so that was where the idea came up, and so it was a dating app for empathetic people who care about charitable causes, because when we really looked at it, it felt like, you know, dating, a solid relationship, has to be built on shared values, and while there are a number of values that are, you know, relevant and applicable, we felt like empathy was a very good indication of having a lot in common, because a lack of empathy has been, you know, to the detriment of a number of relationships I've been in and, I bet, a number of relationships we've all been in, and so, and then we thought, you know, charity is a good proxy for empathy, and so it was a dating app that basically, like we were going to raise money for charities, host kind of like singles events for people who care about charitable causes, and parties and fundraisers and also connect people romantically and hopefully even just you know, platonically and friendship wise, and start building communities between like-minded people.
Speaker 2:A lot happened in LA when and I also decided to move to LA, which was not one of my best decisions that I've ever made During the time I was there, not only was it a brutal learning curve, because I was new to America, and when I left for Asia I was in South Florida. I really didn't know the West Coast, let alone California and let alone LA, which is its own entire beast, and so that I bit off more than I could chew for a number of reasons. And then also my ex-husband passed away while I was there and that really knocked my knees out from under me and I realized, you know, while I cared about the cause, I couldn't. You know, I needed more time for myself before I tried to attempt something so substantial.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that makes sense. I know I was going to say it's similar to when I had an ex that was going to get married to someone else and that was like kind of rocked me at first, you know, because you're like it was finally like really over. I mean, obviously death is even more severe and over. Yeah, yeah, just like losing someone like that. But yeah, and then, um so yeah, I'm my, my sister and her friends all used to live in LA, never met guys till they moved away and then they all got married after.
Speaker 2:Yeah, la is cursed for a hundred reasons, that being towards the top of the list.
Speaker 1:Yeah, but then you have thoughts on dating in general, like dating over 40, like you said, just the apps. Did you ever find a way to go about it a little more, you know?
Speaker 2:ironically, I have been off of apps, even though I'm technically on them, I'm really not participating. I've actually this past year I have really been by myself and it's been an incredibly healthy, productive, happy, like social year. Like I started as a hermit but like actually, you know, I really went into hermit mode, probably like last summer, but and now I'm coming, you know I'm certainly very much, you know, have come out of it, but I don't know if I have the appetite or the stamina for that nonsense anymore. And and I say that understanding that I am probably passing up some pretty interesting men who I might meet on them, but at the same time, I have met plenty of interesting men and and I have, I have been there and done that.
Speaker 2:And you know it all comes to time, the amount of time you want to allot to something like that, and the dates and everything which, just like I have stuff to do, I have things to accomplish. So like that is obviously a tradeoff that you have to be like particularly mindful and picky about, particularly mindful and picky about. And also at this point I'm just like I'm leaving this up to God in the universe. I am like clearly my participation has not been necessary or productive. You know, like, clearly, like I have not like. So I'm like you know what. So I'm like you know what God in the universe will bring my man, my champion, to me, and he will say he was sent by them and it will work out.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I know a lot of people have taken like breaks and or just stopped altogether and everyone's so sick of the apps they're saying like apps are like going to go away.
Speaker 2:And I don't know if that's true, I don't think they're growing, they're definitely not like they're until that model, and that's why I wanted to host, like, the fundraising parties for charities, because I was like until that model. Because you're just, you're forced to have this very insipid, personal, yet impersonal conversation with a complete stranger, just because you both happen to be single and within a certain like mile radius of each other. And it's so awkward and it's so exhausting and also, like you know the intentions, like in built into the business models of those companies. There was actually no incentive for them to really put that much technology or science or data and analysis. It was not in their best interest to put the effort into really figuring out compatibility and, to be fair, I'm not even sure it can be figured out, let alone for a meeting in person.
Speaker 2:I think there's too much looks-wise, hormonally communication-wise mannerisms, whatever, like until you meet someone in person and then you can read their energy, you can read their auras, you can read the vibration, you know, depending on, like, your psychic abilities, you can, you know, do a bunch of other things. Then I think, but like until you actually meet that person in person. So, unless the business model of those apps is to basically drive in person meetings and to be somewhat at least, like you know, have some foot in the door. As far as like really figuring out compatibility, which is super hard, I don't. I don't see them growing and I think actually a number of them are going to be, shrinking.
Speaker 2:I think their best days are behind them.
Speaker 1:Yeah, have you heard of pitch a friend? It's a new thing, fairly new. It's like you literally do a PowerPoint presentation for a friend of yours that's single and all the single people are in a bar together and you like give the presentation while they're there and people can know who they are and go up to them later if they want.
Speaker 2:I've heard of it. I've never been to one. I'm going to have to look for one here. It looks hysterical and fabulous.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I've seen them. There's definitely here in the DC area, and I've seen other cities obviously too. But yeah, I mean it's and more stuff like that is coming on just in meetups, of course, or just you're just out and about with people doing the same stuff you like yeah, it really it needs to be in person.
Speaker 2:Like this is the point where, like, we think technology bridged us and to a certain extent, yes, maybe it opened up the sample size, but actually the real human interaction, the real chemistry, the flirtation, the eyes, the pheromones, you know, like the wit, the charm that is not to be replicated on the phone and really, like you know it when it's there and you only know it in person, like as much as technology has like exponentially evolved and we have, you know, we are, we have lost our breath trying to keep up. This is the part of human interaction that is still not evolved away or been replaced by technology. It cannot be replaced.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and one technique I did here you just get your hair done, get all dressed up and then have the guys come to you like wait at one restaurant. Do it like on the hour where different ones come in.
Speaker 2:Be dating, but longer yeah.
Speaker 1:But you're just, or even like you know, just say only like 30 minutes or something. But yeah, like you, let them come to you and you only dress up once and get your outfit done.
Speaker 2:Yeah, do all that once no, there, and I think there have been. The thing is it's not that there haven't been better ideas, it's actually just the barrier of entry. Like the dominant players right now are just like they have such and they have had such enormous war chests just for marketing dollars really. And the thing is that for any of these apps to be really effective in any given city, in any given radius, you have to have a critical mass of I hate to say, users, but customers, potential people who are using the app. So it's like it's not something it really needs to scale very, very quickly and quite dramatically to. That takes like a lot of dollars.
Speaker 2:And so there are like some very, you know, even if they're a bit antiquated, they're, you know, dominant players and they just have like the war chest of finances. They're like newer players, like I think there are actually a lot of really good ideas out there, but this is one of those things that it's. It doesn't. You know, if you're using like a project management, you know, app, it doesn't really matter if you're the only user. As long as the functionality is there to service your needs, you're fine. You don't care if they have 10 customers or 10 million customers. But for a dating app it's actually quite difficult because, like you need the critical mass of people to make it broad enough, to make it valid enough, to service a large enough market, and that's tough.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I used to joke that if we had like a national breakup day where everyone you know a lot of people are not happy in their relationships but they just stay. So I don't want to be alone, but if everyone would just break up, like we could pick one day, and then everyone would be there, be able to build a bigger pool for everyone to pick from.
Speaker 2:That is genius. I love that. I love that.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I called it National Breakup Day, and every like two years.
Speaker 2:there should be like a national divorce day so they have more time to think about it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and they do say actually like when you're in a relationship you could be like all right, let's do this until this date and we'll talk again if we want to make sure we keep going or something.
Speaker 2:So oh, I think I think you know I would have objected to that in the past and now I'm like actually, that is that. That saves everybody a lot of time.
Speaker 1:Yeah, like we're gonna revisit it and we both have to agree or both disagree.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I love it.
Speaker 1:One of the questions is what's the best part of a breakup? I know we haven't talked really about that, but like what is what?
Speaker 2:haveed up after a breakup, which is hilarious, and I don't expect to, but it's happened enough now that I'm not surprised when it happens. I feel like by the time you're breaking up, that person has already acted a fool. You're not missing out on anything, if anything. Probably the past couple months have been exhausting and you've been trying to make something work that shouldn't work, never should have worked and is never going to work, and it's like, once you actually get that kind of toxicity and just exhaustion out of your life, there's so much more time for yourself and just exhaustion out of your life. There's so much more time for yourself.
Speaker 2:And so, like I have, often, like I'm in better shape, I'm more social, I have new friends, I'm trying, I'm always trying something new. I actually feel like when I'm single is like the most serendipitous time of my life, when really like stuff starts to move and happen. So like now I, you know I got out of a relationship a year ago, but prior to that I really hadn't been in a really like a solid, really normal, you know relationship for years, years and yeah, so I actually feel like I get more time for myself and usually that's where, like, I level up professionally, spiritually, you know, like psychologically, like it's always a good time for me, Like I had three relationships over a 10-year period of three different guys and then after that I started actually dating dating and then I started doing stand-up too, because I always wanted to try it.
Speaker 1:I was too scared and finally took a class and started doing it.
Speaker 2:Nice.
Speaker 1:And then, of course, all my stand-up was about dating that I had just started doing and my sex life and all that.
Speaker 2:Oh, that's fabulous. Yeah.
Speaker 1:And that's why all the women in the class were single. All the guys were married. So we all talked about sex and they all talked about just relationship stuff, yeah, different stuff, but yeah, it's definitely. Yeah, it's like that's another. Like a lot of people get very upset but, like you said it could be, it's just another door opening and do all the stuff you wish you would have been doing all along, and there's always more efficiency and all that stuff.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah and frankly, like, since I got a divorce, I have spent more time single than in a relationship. The relationships have been some more significant than others, some more disruptive than others, some more emotionally relevant than others, and you know so it. But actually, if you look at the time I have really been single, like if you add up my, you know sometimes dating is just takes up a lot of time because you're sort of dating half dating sort of, and then you start dating too many people at once, and because you're sort of dating half dating and then you start dating too many people at once and it's just sort of like you could end up in years of sort of like half relationships and situationships and sort of popping in and out and it's just like it's an enormous waste of time. So I certainly do not entertain that. Now I am, I am very much like binary, I'm like it's on or it's off, that's it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and I know we talked about your YouTube channel earlier. Do you want to? Is there anything you want?
Speaker 2:I tell a lot of different stories, so the tagline is, I'm sharing the lessons of my life one memory at a time and so, and each episode is very different. They're not chronological and, you know, some are embarrassing moments, some are breakups, but awesome new skills learned at the same time. Some are really you know how, you know, certain people behaved quite poorly. It is really quite an eclectic channel and, frankly, like more an art than a science at this point. But please check it out. If you have some time, scroll through it. They're all very different, but but, uh, you know, the titles sort of say what they are and and I would actually really love and welcome some feedback as well, as I kind of experiment with this sort of, uh, new type of storytelling okay, well, I think that is a good place to wrap, unless you had like a final closing.
Speaker 2:No, no, I really know, I. I really appreciate you having me on.
Speaker 1:I'm flattered yeah, it's good to just, you know, talk a lot. Lots of women are having this discussion how, and people in general. Just dating is like how it is nowadays. We're all looking for something new and it is bizarre. Yeah, yeah, absolutely we're all enduring it, all right. Well, thank you again for being on, and if you liked or loved this episode, be sure to tell your friends about it and rate it as well, and, of course, follow the show too. And thank you again, padmini.
Speaker 2:Thank you so much for having me.
Speaker 1:All right, Thanks everyone. Bye.
Speaker 2:Frank Talk. Frank Talk Sex and Dating Educ.
