#113 Love Is Harder Than Parking In LA

We dig into why dating feels so hard, especially in LA, and how personal clarity can change the outcome. Anna Yoo shares how journaling turned bad dates into insight, community, and a healthy relationship grounded in clear values.

• LA dating culture, trust gaps, and vulnerability 
• Journaling as a tool for patterns and clarity 
• Men’s commitment mindset as a relationship stabilizer 
• Women’s need for safety to access vulnerability 
• Shifting from looks to character and values 
• Faith, shared priorities, and compatibility tools 
• Practical reflection after dates to spot red flags 
• Taking a break to reset habits and standards 
• Building community to voice hard truths

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Chapters

• 0:00 Setting The Stage: Dating Today
• 0:45 Anna’s Origin Story And Meet-Cute
• 3:29 Root Causes: Trust And Trauma
• 6:06 Independence, Desire, And LA Culture
• 8:47 From Problems To Personal Solutions
• 9:54 Introducing “It Starts With You”
• 11:44 What Men Can Do Differently
• 13:34 What Women Need To Feel Safe
• 14:54 Better Dates Through Reflection
• 17:18 Shifting Priorities: Looks vs Character
• 19:47 Shared Values And Faith Alignment
• 21:50 Tools, Breaks, And Pattern Resets
• 22:58 Final Takeaway And Sign-Off

Transcript

SPEAKER_00: 0:00

Welcome to the Straight from the Source's Mouth Podcast. Frank talk about sex and dating. Hello, it's Tamara here. Welcome to the show. Today's guest is Anna Yu, former educator, two-time pageant winner, and podcast host. And we'll be talking about the different perspectives men and women have when it comes to dating and why it has become so difficult to find a good person, let alone the right one. Thanks for joining me, Anna.

SPEAKER_01: 0:25

Hello.

SPEAKER_00: 0:27

Hi. Yeah, I think we've have similar thoughts that men and women are very different. And what is your take on why it's so hard to date? And I know you're from LA, so you can talk about that as well. But just um, or we can even start with how you got into having a podcast, which wherever you want to start.

SPEAKER_01: 0:45

So originally um I got into starting my podcast through journaling, and um I went on some pretty strange dates, and um I started writing down like the problems I've had on these dates. And then I thought, okay, I might not be the only one having these issues. And so I started talking to some of my friends about the problems I was having. And then I also thought about, well, why don't we have like a support system or like a group for people to talk about these problems? But then, like, you know how um there's like mental health awareness groups and things like that where people talk about like personal problems. But um I also kind of thought about how um there could be a situation where like people kind of like still steal each other's partners and stuff, and maybe that's the reason why like people don't start these groups. But at the same time, it's kind of like maybe people do have like trust issues, but at the same time, like I kind of wanted to see like um what the problem really was um on why people don't support each other as much when it comes to dating and the dating culture in LA and why it was so bad, or why everyone says it's so bad, and so that's kind of um how it started. And the funny thing is that um I myself actually am dating, um, and I met my partner um when I started my podcast, and um I didn't know he was a podcaster, yeah. So um I went to an event and um I was like, oh um, I heard that um someone here has like a camera that I kind of wanted to ask some questions about, and um they had all of the answers and things like that. So they were kind of explaining to me like step by step on like kind of like how to become a better podcaster. So like it was like, okay, well, like you can help me, you know.

SPEAKER_00: 3:08

So yeah, and then you dated as well, or together now, yeah. Yeah, it's a good good story, good to meet cute, they call them, right? Yeah, so as in your findings of all the bad dating, what did you end up being true? Like that's pretty much what everyone says. And did you find out why, or some kind of the root causes?

SPEAKER_01: 3:29

Yeah, so some of the root causes I think is that um I feel like um, like I said, people don't really trust each other, like, and also um it could be because of like childhood traumas and stuff. Um, a lot of times I feel like um there's like unresolved childhood traumas that people just don't really want to talk about. Um, or like even if like people do want to get um vulnerable, like one person isn't ready to be vulnerable yet. And um sometimes that's just hard for both partners. Um and I think that like there's like a specific time where um it most of the time like it works if the guy is ready to like be in a relationship. Like if he if he's persistent and he's kind of like okay, like um, even if like you don't want to be in this relationship, I still want to be in this relationship, then it's gonna work out, you know.

SPEAKER_00: 4:36

Yeah, yeah, they definitely say that like women women dictate whether or not you're gonna have sex, and men dictate whether or not you're gonna have a relationship. Because it's like, you know, you yeah, women want usually want relationships, but it's the men that usually don't. So yeah, if you find the rare guy that wants a relationship, you're good. Yeah. Yeah. And in the in this your research or talking to everyone, what did you find was it mostly centered on men and women, like trying to figure each other out? Is that what you say is part of the issue as well?

SPEAKER_01: 5:06

Yeah, I think like a lot of times um it's kind of like um even like the most independent women, like I could kind of feel that like they still want to be in a relationship, you know, like it's it's just like um they talk about like all of the successes that that they've had and like what they're going towards and like all of the goals that they have for their future. But at the end of the day, like when I ask them about like, oh, so like um how has your dating life in LA been? Like, then they start talking about like oh this like the struggles that they've had, and like, you know, I'd rather be independent. Um, but you could still kind of feel it, you know, that they would, I mean, if they had a choice, they would prefer to be in a relationship, but it's not really the choice that they have at the moment, you know.

SPEAKER_00: 6:10

So yeah. Yeah, I've heard that about LA where it's just um well, everyone doesn't get married till much later. Like, I mean that's everywhere nowadays, but you know, everyone's just having such so much to do, and so you know, the culture and the I don't know that I don't even know what to call it. You could probably describe it better, but just like somewhat superficial to some people, yeah. Like more of the the looks and superficial stuff that seems to be more of the important stuff to people there, unless that's just a stereotype, but yeah.

SPEAKER_01: 6:45

I mean, like I I feel like um it's just like if you meet the right person, then like everything just works out. Like the the really strange thing is that me and my current partner, um, we had a lot of mutual friends. Um, even though like I I did not know who he was like in the beginning, like I knew his business partner, and um like I like I knew a lot of his mutual friends, it was so weird. Um and I like we ran into um one of his um cousins at downtown Disney, and he hadn't seen his cousin in like almost like 10 years. So it it was very strange.

SPEAKER_00: 7:34

Yeah. Yeah, they definitely I mean I've heard of stories like that where like you said, you you could have you probably would have run into each other at some point, but you like the one you met, because I've there was a couple that I've met that I knew before they met, they were both invited to the same wedding. Like had they not met where they did, they would have gone to this been at the same wedding to you know, like months later if they hadn't already met. So, you know, stuff like that, where just it seems like people are supposed to meet each other. But for the rest of the people that that's not happening to are there like what have have you come up with solutions of how people can improve it or like or was is it more of just discovering the problems?

SPEAKER_01: 8:30

I feel like um I don't really have like a solution for everybody else, you know, because like the journaling and all of the inner work that I did, it was for myself. And um like I was trying to figure out like how I could make myself better. Um, but I think that for everybody else, like if you know, they also like write down what has been going on in my life and like how could I make my life better? Or like, are there certain problems that are not being fixed? Um maybe there's a solution to that. Because ultimately, like um creating a podcast was trying to create a solution for the problem I was having, because I was trying to um create a community and create a voice or some kind of solution or some kind of community for the problem that was happening in LA, because um, like I wanted people to come and try to voice what the issue was um and try to create a solution for that.

SPEAKER_00: 9:41

Yeah, and do you want to talk about that now, like your podcast and how they can reach you and see what you're working on?

SPEAKER_01: 9:47

Yeah, so what we're working on um is a podcast called It Starts With You. And here is our um little flyer um and our um it's it starts with you. At it starts with you. And um, so it starts with you podcast with NIU is for ambitious people who know success isn't just about the hustle, it's about the lifestyle from the latest in luxury fashion and entertainment to real talk on wellness, personal growth, and life, living life's life on your terms. We're here to elevate every part of your journey. So basically, we kind of like broadened it a little bit out to um talking more um about like entertainment and um lifestyle and other things as well, because um keeping the topic just on relationships um could be a little bit too niche for some people. So we um on the flyer we put it put more topics to discuss.

SPEAKER_00: 10:56

Um but yeah, so basically. And are is it out now or you're like still creating it or oh yeah, yeah. We're on Apple and Spotify. Okay. And how many are you on a certain how many episodes are you doing, or is it weekly or uh? It's like we do two episodes um every week. Yeah, that's awesome. Congratulations on starting the podcast. And at least your niche is more just the LA people because everyone in LA gets it. So I'm sure that would be like cool to find that, yeah. And it obviously can affect it, can uh I'm in the DC area, so Virginia. Oh wow, yeah, East Coast. All right, so I know we talked about the differences between men and women. Is there any what kind of work is needed from both men and women? Would you say like I'm guessing more of what you did, like figuring out where where you're at, but is there any specific for men versus women the work they can do?

SPEAKER_01: 11:52

Or I think um for men, it's just more like um the mindset of like I want to be in a relationship. Um and of course, like maybe like helping out around the house and things like that, it like doing things like that will actually like physically help the woman, obviously. But just having a mindset of I want to be in a relationship, um, like that is like the ultimate like thing that actually keeps the relationship together, I think. Because I've had um I've been in relationships where the guy had a mindset where like I don't need to be in a relationship, like I can be in an open relationship if I want. And I think that was the ultimate relationship killer because um, like if the guy doesn't think that they're in a committed relationship, um, when they're sleeping with you, and it's then it's just kind of like downhill from there, you know. Like, what am I doing with him? You know, is like kind of the question.

SPEAKER_00: 13:07

Yeah. Yeah, and like we talked about earlier, it's not necessarily as common, but they probably do want one deep down. They're just not maybe admitting it. So maybe if they admit it to themselves, then they'll be more open. And then like you said, if to help having the right person helps for sure. Yeah, and then what about women? What do what kind of work do they do? What do you think?

SPEAKER_01: 13:28

I think um for women, like um like feeling that um safetiness or like feeling safe, um, or being able to feel safe around the guy um really helps because like for me, like being a place where um I can feel feminine and be um kind of be vulnerable, um like helps um keep the relationship alive. I think. Um because like I I feel like if I'm not able to bring out like the um yourself um on like the more feminine side, then um then he's not gonna be able to be a masculine guy in the relationship.

SPEAKER_00: 14:36

Yeah. So yeah, I definitely agree with that. And then I was gonna say um Logan Uri, she is like the kind of matchmaking expert for Hinge. She says, like, after a date, like you're talking about feeling safe, she says you should ask yourself eight questions after a date to see like how did he make you feel, and like different questions like that. So you like like immediately after each date, kind of like either write it down, that's the best way, so you can see how you feel, and then that helps you see red flags a little more clearly rather than give someone the benefit of the doubt that you probably shouldn't. And I wish I had all eight questions, that would be better, but at least check her out, Logan Erie. She has a newsletter, which is pretty good. And she just um was on Michelle Obama's podcast, and she was in a TV, a Netflix show, actually. She was a in a dating one of the a host for a dating show. It was like older older people on Netflix. I can't remember the name of that. That would be helpful too. But so yeah, so how like is there have you seen hope since you started this podcast and started this effort to for the culture in LA at all?

SPEAKER_01: 15:45

Or like simple Yeah, actually, like I think people are actually kind of like thinking about like um what the dating scene is actually like because I um when they come on the podcast, they want to talk about it, they want to um express how they feel about it. Um, and I think this is kind of like a common feeling um of how people in LA feel, like in general. Um, and I think that like sometimes like both men and women, and this is this is just kind of like a common thing here in LA, um, they're not able to express some of these thoughts to their friends, you know? And so I think that that has a huge um impact on like some of the things um they say on the podcast and also um like how they express it. Like sometimes like they come to the podcast and they say, Oh, I wasn't gonna say that, or like um, I shouldn't have said that, you know. And I'm like, Well, I mean, that's fine, you know, that's totally fine, you know.

SPEAKER_00: 17:00

Yeah, right. So yeah, unless they just do anonymous or something. I've had a few people change their name, so or just not have a name or have a different first name for that reason. But yeah. And then I know you talk about dating now versus in the past, like how would you say that's been different?

SPEAKER_01: 17:17

Or I think um in the past, like I really um I kind of considered appearance a lot, and also um like I also thought about like how smart like if a guy was really smart, then like he could make a lot of money, right? Like that was just how I thought. But um I also kind of considered like um, well, I mean, I didn't consider that if he was really smart, then he could also manipulate me, you know. Um, because it's easier for guys who are like, you know, who have like IQ points like 10 or 20 levels higher than you to like manipulate you, right? So yeah, I I just didn't think about that part. But now like I I do kind of consider um those points too. Like I do think um personality is a little bit more um like important than appearances. I mean, I'm not saying appearances are aren't important, it's just that I feel like um I want to be treated well, you know, um for long-term relationships. Um I I feel like I deserve it, you know. Um, especially if I'm going to commit this to this person. Um and also like I also consider like my parents into the factor as well. Um I think about like um I don't want um to keep having my parents to see um me in broken relationships.

SPEAKER_00: 19:31

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01: 19:32

Because like, yeah, like they're they've been married for like such a long time, and like I keep showing them that I'm I had been in, you know, all of these relationships, and um like I was actually engaged once, but like it it was just like toxic maybe or just not healthy, yeah. It was just not you know, it was like a high school romance engagement thing, and so like um yeah, I I just kind of factor my parents into that now too. Like I just kind of want um to show them like a long-term relationship too, you know, because I mean we're only gonna live for so long, you know. And um time has been moving by pretty quickly, yeah, you know, and um like I'm just like I I wake up and like it's already another day, you know.

SPEAKER_00: 20:38

Yeah, I was I was just looking at a calendar today, like it's already like half the month went by. It felt like two days. Yeah, I know what you mean. But yeah, and I was gonna say the best, I think the one of the more important indicators and a lot of people say is like shared core values. Like if you know what you value most, you know, like I know making a difference or helping people or family or whatever it is, like when you both have those things, you know, that that's the a good core. And then of course, like you said, treating you well and having similar or like personalities that you get along. So yeah, looks are looks are nice, but not everything. There can be a lot of attractive people that aren't so wonderful.

SPEAKER_01: 21:18

So yeah, no, I I agree with you on that. And the good thing is that um me and him are um both Christian, so um that's good. And we both go to church on Sunday, so that's good too.

SPEAKER_00: 21:35

Yeah, definitely. Yeah, I did an episode with a guy who wrote about 10 different shared values, and he has you um go through and order them separately, like you know, put one through ten for each of your values, and then you compare notes and kind of there's like a score he puts in that. So that's a good way to figure out. And if you have even if you have differences, it at least explains why you rated things differently. Like there's entertainment, finance, you know, sex, like all the different the main things in life, and like where how you value them compared to your partner can be even if it's different, like I said, it helps you understand each other better. You can see why they think a certain way. So I would definitely check out that episode if you haven't. And I wish I had the number. Maybe I'll insert the number for like for listeners. So yeah. Yeah, it's there's so many things like that out there. You know, there's plenty of help, you know, your podcast, my podcast, plenty of things to learn from. And then, like you said, just doing the inner work and journaling on if you have patterns that you always uh attract the same guy or always get treated the same way, you know, just kind of figure out what's going on. And I I think it's and several people have said taking a break from dating altogether is always helpful too when it's just not going well. Take like a good six-month break. So are there any final comments or like closing comments you want to make just to leave the listeners with about you and your podcast and your thoughts?

SPEAKER_01: 23:02

Um well, as always, it starts with you.

SPEAKER_00: 23:08

Awesome. That's the name of your show too, so it works out. All right, well, thank you very much for being on. I'm happy to talk about the LA scene, and I know there's lots of frustrated people out there, but it's good to know you met your person or potentially your person, so and enjoying it. So it can be done. I know a lot of people that left LA and met people and then moved back. So maybe you can do that too, if you're listening in LA. But all right, well, thank you much, or thank you again. And if you love this episode, be sure to tell your friends about it and rate it as well. And thanks for joining me again, Anna. Thank you.

SPEAKER_01: 23:43

Frank Dog! Frank Dog!