Why Most Relationships Fail And How A Simple Happiness Formula Can Save Yours #130

Most people gamble on love. We make big promises on small information, then wonder why chemistry fizzles into conflict. Today we pull the curtain back with Anil Gupta—TEDx speaker, triple best-selling author, and the “Love Doctor”—to share a clear framework for happiness and a practical method to choose partners who are truly safe for your heart.

We start with G³, a simple formula that compounds well-being. From there, we connect happiness to attraction: when your inner state shifts, so does the quality of people you draw in.

Then we dismantle the guesswork in dating. Anil introduces ABCD.

The heart of the conversation is forgiveness. Letting go of resentment toward parents, exes, and yourself clears the residue that distorts attraction and reactions. Love stops being a slot machine and becomes a craft you can learn.

If this conversation moves you, share it with a friend who needs clarity in love, hit follow, and leave a review with the one question you’ll ask on your next date. Your story might help someone else find the courage to choose better.

Transcript

Meet Anil Gupta And His Mission

Tamara 0:00

Hello, Dammer here. Welcome to the show. Today's guest is Anil Gupta. He's a triple best-selling international author and TEDx speaker, positively impacting very large audiences all over the world. Thanks for joining me, Anil.

SPEAKER_00 0:13

Thank you for inviting me. I'm very excited to help your audience.

Tamara 0:17

Yes, I think you have some good stuff, and you're also known as the Love Doctor. So I will pick your brain for sure.

SPEAKER_00 0:25

Absolutely. And the advice I'll be giving is practical, immediate, and proven.

The Happiness Formula: G³ Explained

Tamara 0:30

That's always helpful. Yeah, a lot of people like read about stuff, but they don't know how to do it. So that's definitely gonna be so what got you started in this, or like what is your main method wherever you want to start?

Gratitude In Crisis: The Wrist Story

SPEAKER_00 0:43

So really, um I've developed something called the happiness formula. You see, we were never told about any formula. So we're we're basically guessing. Once we have a formula, we can test it, we can double test it, we can backtest it. And the formula is this to live a richer, fulfilled life, a happier life, the formula is this happiness is equal to g times g times g. So basically g cubed. The first g is you have to give your time, your energy, your love, your commitment, your joy, your gift, your money. Give it away without wanting anything back. Now, when you give to someone, they feel good. You feel good. The person observing the giving feels good, the person sharing the act of giving feels good, the person receiving the sharing of the act of kindness feels good, and the person observing the sharing of the act of kindness feels good. So there's a huge ripple effect. The second G, you have to be grateful for what you have and not focus on what you don't have. So on August the 25th, 2025, I was playing pickleball like every morning, but I slipped and fell. And I felt badly, well, awkwardly, I would say, and I fractured my wrist. And I knew it was fractured immediately. And I was upset for ten seconds. Then I was filled with gratitude. Do you know why? Tamra?

Tamara 2:12

Um, because you uh it's you st can still function, live, measure.

SPEAKER_00 2:19

Well, I live for pickleball. And it was my left hand. I'm right-handed. And then in that moment, not only was I grateful, but I thanked the people around me. So in that moment, I did the second G, which is uh the first G is give. The second G is be grateful for what you have and don't focus on what you don't have. So focus on, you know, my right hand's good, my left hand isn't so good, but I don't play uh pivotal with it, and uh I will. And the third G is this is you have to grow emotionally, physically, spiritually, mentally, and financially. And in that moment, I asked myself, look, Anil, my score is a one for giving, it was a one for gratitude, and it was a one for grow in that moment. Then I asked myself, how could I grow? I said, you know what? You could change your mindset, you could think of the positive thoughts, you could, you know, um teach people lessons here, you you could share this with other people. So my score went from one one one to maybe five five five, which is five times five is twenty five times five is 125. So my level of happiness increased 125 times just in the space of a few minutes. And it's a muscle I've developed. Once you develop this muscle, everything gets easier.

Tamara 3:40

Yeah, it's funny because you said that I when I played pickleball, I actually did hurt my right wrist, which is my dominant one. So look, I didn't fracture it, luckily. So that was my I was grateful that I just had to put it in a brace for a couple days.

SPEAKER_00 3:52

Yeah. And you know, uh tomorrow I just bought a new paddle. And I think I didn't want to uh hurt it or break it, so I protected that, which is a good thing because uh protected my right hand.

Spotting The Lowest Bucket And Resetting

Tamara 4:04

Yeah. Yeah, no, I love the 3Gs. That's like that it's exactly what you need to do. Yeah, it's very once once you say it, it's obvious, but not many people think to do it, like especially as quickly as you did.

SPEAKER_00 4:18

Yeah, it's very powerful and it's very practical. You know, if something happens in your life and all of a sudden you don't feel good, ask yourself this question which of those three G buckets has fallen down? And then just work on the lowest one. Keep on, always work on the lowest one. You know, someone says something to you, you know, uh, you're stupid, you're a failure, you're not good enough. Okay, you're gonna react maybe, and then it's gonna go down. And then you say, hey, what am I reacting to? Which bucket has dropped? It's the emotional bucket bucket. And then you you can respond and not react. And then you say, you know what, the truth is I am kind, I am generous, I am playful, I am fun, people love me. And then you can raise that level immediately.

From Happiness To Dating Energy

Tamara 5:02

Yeah, yeah, it makes sense. And then how do you um parlay this into the like dating atmosphere, dating sex relationship um realm?

SPEAKER_00 5:14

So when you become a happier person, your vibrational energy changes. When your vibrational energy changes, you will start attracting different people in your life. Now, the second part of this is this do you do you know why there's a at least a 90% fail rate in relationships? Did you know what that was? What it was that high?

Tamara 5:35

I mean, I know divorce rates are high, and I know a lot of people break up, so yeah. I mean I don't know 90% does seem high, but I definitely not.

SPEAKER_00 5:43

And I'll tell you why. So, how many relationships do people have before they get married?

Tamara 5:48

Many.

Why Relationships Fail: Lack Of Data

The Three Criteria: Integrity, Loving, Healthy

ABCD: Always Be Collecting Data

SPEAKER_00 5:49

Many. So let's say eight. Okay? They get married, the ninth one, and there's a 50% fail rate on the marriage. So when they get married, they've had eight failed relationships, they have a hundred percent fail record. What makes you think that the next one is gonna be the right one? It's guesswork, isn't it? And I'll tell you why it it doesn't work, and this is a game changer. Ladies and gentlemen, listen up. The reason relationships fail is this people say yes to a relationship without collecting data, without doing their due diligence. And they'll go into a relationship until they find out that it's a no, that it doesn't work. And then they'll go to the next one and the next one. But they're doing it the wrong way round. You know, if you were to buy a house or a car, you would do your due diligence. What's the right car for me? What's the valuation? How much is it worth? Where's the location? Any repairs, renewals, you know, amenities, how far from work, traffic. You do your due diligence. But people don't do that in relationships. They fall in love. They think, oh, she's the one. But every single one of those eight relationships that failed, you thought this was the one. So don't do that. Collect your data first. Make an informed decision. And the data you have to collect is under three criteria. Number one, any partner that you choose must have integrity. Must be their word, do what they say they're going to do, be kind, be generous, uh, not cheat, not lie, be honest, be on time. The second criteria is they must be loving, not just to you, but to everyone. You know, a lot of relationships are transactional. Oh, I'll be nice to you, but I want you to be nice back to me. I'll do that for you, but I want this back from you. And the third is that they they they have to be healthy, emotionally, physically, spiritually, mentally, and financially. You have to find out if they have passed a three-way test because you don't want to end up with a narcissist, an alcoholic, an addict, uh, an abuser. You don't want that because it it it creates baggage. Now, my my daughter used this formula tomorrow. First boyfriend she got, she married. I I honestly I wasn't happy with her choice. I she asked me, Dad, what's the score out of 10? You know, I said, Honey, I'm not happy. And she started tearing up. I said, Honey, I I don't know how you did this, but he's a 12. He's amazing. You can see the relief on her face. I I do that a lot to her. And no baggage, no trauma, nothing. They will be together for the rest of their lives because they're they're beautiful people. And it just saves so much aggravation, so much stress, so much worry when you don't bring all of that stuff to a relationship.

Tamara 9:07

Yeah. And are there certain questions you ask or you just observe in general, or like how do you make sure they don't have that stuff?

SPEAKER_00 9:17

So it's uh A B C D. Always be collecting data. Never believe what they tell you until you have confirmed it. So um, do you like dogs tomorrow? Yeah, yeah. Okay, do you like cats?

Tamara 9:31

Better, yes.

SPEAKER_00 9:33

Okay, um what um let me think of something else. Okay, so imagine uh that on my on my profile I I I like dogs, and you want to please me. So you're gonna say I like dogs, but I want you to lie to me. Okay? So you don't really like dogs, but you're just lying to me, okay? So we'll roleplay. Hey Tamara, do you like dogs?

Tamara 10:01

Yeah, yeah, really.

SPEAKER_00 10:03

What's your favorite dog?

Tamara 10:06

Uhers.

SPEAKER_00 10:08

Uh-huh. And uh, how many of them have you owned?

Tamara 10:12

Um, my parents owned one.

SPEAKER_00 10:15

Do you have a photo of it?

Tamara 10:17

No. Oh, I mean, yeah, no. Okay.

SPEAKER_00 10:21

So immediately I know you're lying. Can you see that? Because of your energy? You you you don't say, oh, I love dogs. Oh my god, my favorite dog is. That's what a normal person would do. So this is just a simple example. If they say, Oh, I'm going through a divorce, what does that mean? Have you just started? Is it uh, you know, is it controversial? Is it combative? Is how many kids are involved, how long is it going to take? What stage are you at? Don't believe them until you collect the data.

Tamara 10:53

Yeah.

Date Differently: Real-Life Observations

SPEAKER_00 10:55

You have to collect the data, and you can do it lovingly. Um, but you know, spending two, three hours and with someone and finding, oh, we like the same color, we like the same movies. No, that's not data. The important stuff is are they integrated, are they healthy, are they loving? So find out about their parents, about their previous girlfriends, if you say, hey, what was your last girlfriend like? And if if they start ranting off negatively about that person, you know that they're not really healthy. They're still holding on to something. Are you still in communication with all your exes? Oh, yeah, I get on really well with them. Again, that's gonna maybe cause some problems. You know? So it's always be collecting data. Yeah.

Tamara 11:43

Yeah, I can definitely see where that would have been helpful in the past.

Love Before Sex: Patience As A Test

SPEAKER_00 11:48

And then tomorrow, if you look at a failed relationship in the past, ask yourself, did they have integrity? Were they loving? Were they healthy? And it'll always be uh either a one out of three or a zero out of three. But nice people will tend to say, well, yeah, they were, but they really weren't. You you can't be letting people off the hook because it's too serious. This is about your life. This is about the quality of your life. So you're gonna be spending at least 50% of your time with your partner.

Tamara 12:18

Yeah. And what if if you're no, it's not long-term necessarily, but I guess either way, you probably want to have all that.

Fix Or Exit: Deal Breakers And Growth

SPEAKER_00 12:28

Really, it's it's it's because when you say no to that person, it allows you to say yes to the right person who may just be around the corner. You know, I I've been married um 37 years and 23 days. Every morning tomorrow, my wife and every evening, my wife puts toothpaste on my toothbrush for me. Every time I see that brush waiting for me in the morning, I'm just filled with love. And for the for the audience, the reason I'm saying she does that is because I can't. I've only got one hand. Every time I put try and put toothpaste on the toothbrush, it keeps on rolling over. Because I've got a fractured wrist. But it's a beautiful thing. And it's the small things that are the big things.

Tamara 13:10

Yeah. So in dating, like you said, you just ask those kind of questions, or like you said, always checking and verifying. And if they get offended that you're verifying, should that be a sign that they're probably doing something? Or is it more of the loving way that you would do it?

Forgiveness As A Path To Freedom

SPEAKER_00 13:27

It's got to be in a loving way, but also, you know, preempt it or say, hey, I hope you don't mind. But I ask a lot of questions. Does that bother you? And if they say no, it doesn't bother me, and it does bother them, you know they're not telling the truth. But there's there's easy ways to find out about a person, you know, ask them about their parents, how do they get on well with them, how often do they speak to them, what's amazing about their parents, who do they speak to most, what's your relationship like with your mom, with your dad, with your grandparents, with your brothers, with your siblings. And notice their tone and and physiology. So you have to be very alert and observant. Because people, you know, the the problem with dating tomorrow is this. When people date, they show up the best versions of themselves. So they want to get to the next date and the next date. So my my the secret is don't date. Go for a walk, go for a hike, go for a cycle run, a cycle or a run, or do something different and observe them in real life. When it's a dinner date, there's pressure, there's alcohol, it's late at night, and obviously you want to show up the best version. But if you're going for a coffee, you can see them in real life. Are they present to you? Are they listening to you? Are they distracted by other people? So this is all data.

Tamara 14:46

And then um, do you want to translate that to the sex side of things?

Applying G³ To Overcome Darkness

SPEAKER_00 14:51

I would much rather focus on love. And this the sex is the physical consummation of love. But again, uh, you know, ABCD, if if you're out with someone, don't have sex with them. And see how angry they get, how upset they get. If they get upset after two or three meetings, they're not right for you because that's all they want. And if they're willing to wait and they're they're patient, that tells you that they are loving and that they do care and that they are respectful. You know, because once you have sex, you've basically given up, you know, uh, you know, a lot of your rights, a lot uh a lot of the gameplay. And they win. Uh but if if you just take your time, and then it's sex will be a consummation of the love. And it'll be a natural process that there won't be like, you know, this angst uh upset over not not having that. It'll just naturally occur, and then you'll know because it'll be a beautiful situation. Everybody wings.

Tamara 15:55

Do you advise people to just get out of them, or is there a way for like if they don't have the three Gs, the relationship stuff, the integrity and the other two you mentioned?

SPEAKER_00 16:04

Loving and healthy. Yes, thank you.

How To Reach Anil And Final Mantra

Tamara 16:06

We don't have those three. Do you suggest they just get out of it if they're already like married to someone like that, or is there a way to overcome it or kind of grow those parts and like re you know?

Closing And Listener CTA

SPEAKER_00 16:18

So the number one thing I always advise people work on yourself first. Be the best version of you. Uh, you know, do the do a score. How integral are they, how loving are they, how healthy are they, and see if that you can bring up their score. You know, because if you've invested time in the other person, it it would only be fair that you try and bring them up and bring yourself up. And ask yourself, is this a game changer? Is this a deal breaker? So if they're cheating on you and you know it, and they've done it more than once, is it a game game changer? Is this a deal breaker? It is. Okay, great. What's stopping you from breaking up? Well, I'll be alone. Uh what if no one wants me and blah, blah, blah? But is that what you want in life? You know, are they an addict? Are they a narcissist? Are they um treating you well? Are they abusing you? Yeah, is is this a game changer? Is this a deal breaker? And you you've got to make that decision because this is your life. You can't be stuck in a mediocre life. It's just horrible.

Tamara 17:26

Yeah. Yeah. And it, like I said, it it sounds so easy, but easier said than done.

SPEAKER_00 17:32

I mean, once you're already in it. Well, it's uh it's simple, but it's not easy.

Tamara 17:38

Yeah, yeah, good point.

SPEAKER_00 17:39

I know how to lose weight. It's simple, but it's not easy.

Tamara 17:42

Yeah, great point. Do you want to give examples of some people you've coached on dating and love?

SPEAKER_00 17:48

Or yeah, so uh one of the biggest things that I do in my coaching practice is uh is is a forgiveness exercise. Forgiveness is the express pathway to freedom. The quality of your life is dependent on the death and authenticity of the forgiveness you extend to yourself and to others. You know, we beat ourselves up. I was suicidal in 2008, and I would beat myself up because I thought I was a failure, I wasn't good enough, I wasn't deserving. You know, quite frankly, I shouldn't be on the planet. And I had these suicidal thoughts. Forgiveness is everything. You need to forgive your parents, your previous relationships, forgive yourself, and that is uh that will allow you to show up in a different vibrational energy. And when you show up in different vibrational energy, you'll be a lot more attractive to other people. You'll be uh more uh peaceful, more joyful, and a lot happier too.

Tamara 18:46

Yeah. Yeah. And did you apply the three Gs when you were suicidal back in 2008? Or what was your like how did you overcome that?

SPEAKER_00 18:56

I did I didn't know about the three G's, but I I did it by accident. Um I remember I I started to give. In the moment you give authentically, all the pain and suffering that you're experiencing disappears. You cannot be unhappy in the moment you give. So I started giving, I felt good. So I started doing events, five, ten, fifteen, hundred, five hundred, ten thousand people, and I felt good. I read a book, a bestseller book. TEDx, Fox News, Sky TV, ABC, NBC, iHeartRadio, Harvard felt good. Because I was serving people. And I was grateful that I still had a place to live, that I had my wife was still with me, my kids were still with me. Gratitude played a part. And then I grew emotionally, physically, spiritually, mentally, and financially. But I didn't know about the formula until I wrote the book. And then after writing the book, I said, Daniel, what did you do? Then I thought, oh, I did this, this. I thought, oh my God, I have a formula. So it I did it unintentionally. And this is what people do, but they they can't work it out. But now we have a formula. This formula will work every single time.

Tamara 20:09

Yeah, yeah, I can see that. Yeah. And do you want to talk about how people can reach you with reach you or work with you or find out more information? Sure.

SPEAKER_00 20:18

You know, I'm on a mission to move, touch, and inspire a billion people. And the best way to find out more about me and my work, which is, you know, very powerful, very practical, and you've experienced that today, is my website is meetanil.com. And my email is anil at meetanil.com. I'm on Instagram, I'm on Facebook, I'm on TikTok, and LinkedIn. And please just go on my website, enjoy the content. It's life-changing.

Tamara 20:48

Yeah, I can see that. Yeah. Do you have uh final thoughts or closing comments you want to make?

SPEAKER_00 20:54

Yeah. So there's one thing that I did that changed my life, and I would encourage all the listeners to do this one thing, which is this be so amazing that you cannot be ignored. And if you are ignored, it doesn't matter because how you show up will be this magnificent soul. Be the best version of you, and your life will change. The people's lives around you will change.

Tamara 21:16

Well, amazing stuff. Thank you very much. Short and sweet to the point. Like I said, simple but not easy.

SPEAKER_00 21:23

So and that was the promise we made at the beginning that it's practical, powerful, and immediate effect.

Tamara 21:29

Yeah. Yeah, awesome. All right. Well, thank you very much for being on. And if you love this episode, be sure to tell your friends about it and rate it as well. And of course, follow the show. So thank you so much, Anil, for being on.

SPEAKER_00 21:41

Yeah. Thank you, Tamara, for having me on the show.

Tamara 21:44

All right. Thanks everyone. Bye.