Online Dating After 50 #138

A five hour date, nonstop texting, plans for coffee, then total silence. That’s not a one-off story anymore, it’s a snapshot of modern online dating, especially if you’re dating over 50 and trying to make sense of the swipe-first culture.

We sit down with Cathy Berra, author of “These Stories Are True, I Shit You Not,” to talk about what really happens when an older woman jumps into dating apps. Cathy shares how her friends helped her create her first profile, how the most ridiculous situations kept stacking up, and why those moments became a humor-filled book and a surprisingly big TikTok presence. Along the way, we unpack the bigger patterns.

The conversation takes a serious turn with romance scams and catfishing. Cathy breaks down the scammer scripts that target older women, why people fall for them, and the red flags that can protect you on dating apps and platforms like WhatsApp. We also get into profile language, mixed signals around modern gender roles, age-gap dating expectations, and how social media has shrunk attention spans and weakened real face-to-face conversation skills.

If you’ve ever thought, “Is it just me?” you’re going to feel seen, and you’ll probably laugh, too. Subscribe to Straight From The Source’s Mouth, share this episode with a friend who’s dating online, and leave a review with your biggest dating app red flag or your funniest story.

Transcript

Welcome And Guest Introduction

Intro 0:00

Welcome to the Straight from the Source's Mouth podcast. Frank talk about sex and dating.

Tamara 0:05

Hello, Tamara here. Welcome to the show. Today's guest is Cathy Berra, the author of a book about her online dating life as an older woman. Thanks for joining me, Cathy. Hi, how are you? I am good. How are you?

Cathy 0:18

Great. Yes, the book is called These Stories Are True, I Shit You Not. Uh in, you know, asterisks. And it's a humorous look at online dating for the unsuspecting older human. And it's on Amazon.

Tamara 0:33

Awesome. Yeah, and a great, great title and great information because I was in a Facebook group with older daters, and yeah, they were just they seem to struggle and just like not get this new world.

Cathy 0:43

It is definitely a new world, yes. Yeah.

How The Book Started

Tamara 0:47

So what how'd you get started with the book or back to dating, or wherever you want to start the story to make sense?

Cathy 0:54

Oh, well, um, so basically I have a 32-year-old son, and when I was a single mom for a long time, and so it was uh, you know, quite a quite a while ago, but um when he went off to college, my friends decided to help me write a profile for online dating. And you know, I was really excited, and they helped me write it. And you know, I had a couple friends who actually got married on online, you know, online matches. And um what transpired after that was just a series of the most ridiculous stories, and you know, you're almost mortified because it's like this is not happening to me. I was in my you know early 50s, and um you just can't believe it because you're thinking, okay, this is odd, this is a weird one, you know. But then what happened was I it just it was not every single date, of course, but um it just was a series of these ridiculous, ridiculous situations. Um and I ha I was working in Tysons in DC, you know, in McLean, Virginia, and my the woman that was in the office next to me when I would come in and tell these stories, she would come into my office and sit there and listen to these stories, and she's like, Oh my god, you have got to write a book. This is too freaking hilarious. And I I would say, you know, I I'm mortified that this happened, that these things are happening to me. Is it just me? And um again, you know, it was just stories uh story after story, and then time passed, and then COVID came, and she said, This is the perfect time to write that book. You know, you're you're all they were all sitting around, uh although I have horses, so I ride my hor I was lucky to get outside and ride my horse a lot. Um so I thought, you know, I have nothing to lose. So I just started putting together the stories, and um she was so funny because she remembered a lot of the stories I didn't remember, and I would I blocked out sort of. And so she send me this list and I was like, oh my god, I forgot about that one, you know. So um and it's a compilation of stories from myself and about other all the names are changed, of course. Um, but also from men that when I would go on these and they would tell me their stories about what the heck happened to them. So yeah, and it's just you know, it's had a life of its own. And um I was, you know, initially I I released it over a Valentine Day weekend. So I was on the radio a lot in Denver, just on these funny shows that, okay, here's a person talking about dating and blah, blah. So that really went well. And then the same person decided she she said, Have you heard of book talk? And I said, I I you know, I mean, during COVID I do know what TikTok was because my friend always r asked me to record her doing these goofy dances with her horse and all this. I'm like, I kind of know what that is. I wasn't really engaged in it, and then she recommended I get on TikTok st to start passively promoting. And I we used to work in TV, you know, I I'm not uncomfortable doing these little videos, but uh a couple of my videos and in my book I have a whole chapter on scammers because this guy tried to scam me. And that video to this day is like a seven second video, has over a million views, you know, ten thousand thousand tens of thousands of comments, and um so you know, and it's just been a study in the human condition. Uh you know, and I still like with you, you know, I'm talking about it because it's just a a topic that is interesting and it's also a modern day weird um dynamic of how people actually date. So Yeah.

Swipe Culture Kills Anticipation

Tamara 4:40

And is there do you think there's a reason or like what is the prevalent d dynamic that's going on or what's going on when you were doing all this?

Cathy 4:48

Well, I mean uh because I'm older, you know, uh although the book also I I touch on topics like there was a twenty-seven-year-old girl that I was at my barn, barn, not a bar, barn in um Colorado in Denver, and she had been dating a guy for two years, and at dinner one night, you know, he says, I think I want to break up, I'm I'm gonna go back to my husband, and she said, What did you say? What? She had no idea that he was bi and that he was married, and then he was on you know, so for two years she dated this. So anyway, it's just the modern day and also the hookup culture and all that kind of weird stuff, the autonomy of being online and the swiping. You know, one of the things I mention is that back in the day, I mean, I you know, in the 80s they had that video dating, which was hysterical because I I'm Bob and I like walks on the beach, all that kind of funny stuff. But my fr a friend of mine who's older than me said she met her husband um through the personal ads. You know, back in the day, you actually got a newspaper, saw an ad, you had to write a letter, you know, put it in the mail, put your phone number, wait for them to call you back. So that I think one of the things I really know is true is that the art of anticipation is dead. We have no anticipation, no waiting for someone, no, you know, it's just like swipe, swipe, swipe, swipe, you know, and um it's just become so impersonal in in a lot of ways. I don't know if there's a running theme in it, but I I do know the ghosting is real for everybody. Um and which I find to be uh almost juvenile in a way for older men to do that. Um although I think I older women do it too, but yeah, it's just become real aut autonomous and I think just impersonal, you know. And people don't care, you know, they don't care. And uh they don't have to care because they're behind a screen, you know.

Tamara 6:48

Yeah. So it also seems like they want to care, but they're been jaded and bitter and hurt that everyone just kind of gave up and like assumes the worst about the whole thing, so everyone's just reacting like it's the worst thing.

Cathy 6:59

And well, I've had men also that find out that I wrote this book and I had one guy, I talked to him probably for a week or so, you know, we were gonna get ready to go do something together, and then I told him about the book, and he wrote me and says, I don't want to be the next chapter. I'm like, well, then don't make yourself the next chapter, you know. So now he's also a comment that I'm making because that that happened. But um you know, and I I'm not negative about it at all. I just find it to be so comical. Like, oh my god, what the heck are we doing in this world? What are we doing? And um, you know, one of my chapters talks about these guys who uh and you know, I was at the advent of all the online, like the really beginning of match and all that kind of stuff, and just the fact that now, you know, it's like a Hallmark card, they send you a, you know, dick pic. Um, you know, here I am, here's what I've got, and it's almost like, what are you doing? Like, am I shopping for you know, it's it's comical, but it's also like, what in the world?

Scammers And Dating App Red Flags

Cathy 8:00

Um so yeah, it's it's just a funny kind of world that we live in with regard to and I think it's also kind of sad because one of the the chapter on the scammers it started out really funny because all these women, you know, basically these guys, and you everyone knows this, you know, because I think it's a $1.3 billion industry, the scamming. But they target older women, you know, widows, things like that. And um I had, I don't know, 5,000 comments about the script they use. You know, oh I'm I'm in the military, I'm on a boat in the middle of the ocean, we just got attacked, I have a kid that lives with my parents, and I my wife died in a tragic accident, and I need iTunes cards so I can keep talking to you. I mean, and people fall for it. But then it got to a point where all these women and and men were responding saying, Oh, I I got scammed for thirty thousand dollars, or I got scammed for ten, you know, I didn't get scammed, I caught it really fast. But um it's just really kind of a sad that's the sad part of it, you know. Um the more I looked into that, of course, we see it all the time now, these guys in Nigeria, you know, uh in the call centers, you know.

Tamara 9:16

Yeah, I was gonna say I actually heard it was they were like held hostage as in call centers and it's it's in other like a lot of other countries now too. And they just try to get them to seduce people online, like it starts it with I guess they use WhatsApp a lot too, or those kinds of things.

Cathy 9:31

Yes. And they ask you to get off of the main app to, you know. But one of the things that was so funny is this woman one of the comments was, um I have heard the same story so many times. She said the next time one of these guys said this, says this, I'm going to tell him that they should all start a support group because all of them have lost a wife in a tragic accident. But I mean you have to you have to use levity about it, but I do feel sorry. I mean I've had a couple friends not my friends, but like sisters of friends who have been, you know, um ripped off and um they just although I don't really understand the concept, and that's another thing about the psychology of all this, right? How anyone can believe somebody that they've never met in person, they've never seen literally physically on a FaceTime or something, they just have seen the pictures and um send them money, you know, send them blindly send them money. Now the guy that I was trying to scam me, um uh uh sadly, I found out had used the pictures on his profile that I was seeing from a military obituary site. He had pulled all these pictures into a profile, um, and of course in Northern Virginia, you know, everyone's military, or there's a ton of military so I thought, oh well, he's at Fort Belvoir, you know. Then two weeks later he's in Afghanistan taking a hot bath after training. I'm like, okay, this doesn't make sense, you know. So you you know, i I caught on really fast, but it's it's uh it's just a modern day, weird, um sad thing for a lot of people that are they prey on, you know. But you have to, like I said, you have to keep a sense of humor, and these people that respond are oh my god, they're just so funny because it's it's you know, and then of course you have the how many Johnny Depps have tried to friend you and how many Jason Momoas, you know, oh I love you, you're so beautiful, and then so you know, we all kind of know now, but a lot of older people don't.

Tamara 11:34

So Yeah. And yeah, like four-star generals too, like you're saying military, so like trying to friend you. Yes.

The Funniest And Weirdest Dates

Tamara 11:42

But yeah, so what are some of like what's the one of the funniest like what um like categories of funny? Are they like just like weird or they like do like they're just like bad daters and or you know, like some like manners, or like what are there categories of funneless?

Cathy 11:57

Oh god, well, men that don't stop talking about their ex-wives, of course, and then you're like, oh my god, shut up, you know. Um men who won't leave. I have a chapter in there about a guy who I like I was at my barn, he wanted he was a horse person, he wanted to come see my horse. I couldn't get him to leave. It was like six hours later, and all my friends were trying to help me to get him, you know, to leave. Um, people that just um well I had one guy, here it was a funny story. Uh it's called Cairo Johnson in my book, and um I met him, he was a chiropractor, and um, you know, one day, it was I don't know, a week or so after I met him, he kept sending me on this one day pictures of things with eight in it. And I thought, am I missing a holiday? Like, is it a holiday? Like he put, you know, he did a screenshot of it was November 8th or something, and then he sent me a I don't know, something else with eight. I'm like, what? Uh I said, Am I missing a holiday? And he's like, No, that's how big I am. I'm like, oh my god. You know, but he was on his way. The sad thing about that one is that he was on his way to his grandson's house to help him put together a Thomas the train bed, and he's telling me that. In the meantime, he's sending me these pictures. I'm like, oh my God. Yeah, so um that kind of thing. And then I had um just inappropriate, weird stories that they told me. You know, um there's one in here about this guy that told me I don't even know, it's so inappropriate. And I I I tell people it's the worst story I have, and it's about him telling me this girl he dated got really drunk and tried to um, you know, when they were leaving the restaurant, she she she tried to um hump the uh you know, stick shift and all that kind of you know, it's like, why would you tell me that on a date? Why, why, why you know? So it's that kind of thing. And you're just sitting there going, What? you know, um so again, you just have to back away and say, Good God, you know. But I think that's my if there's a theme in all this, it's just the stories that I've been told by others. And I there was another who was a college professor who told me a story about a woman he dated for I think about four months. So he thought they were kind of a thing. But this woman, I think she was a pharmacist and she had been married three times already or something. She had three different kids by three different guys, whatever. And um thought they were monogamous and went to her house one day to surprise her. And now this is a story from him, so this is happens to men too, right? Um and she said that he uh he got to the house and of course she didn't know he was coming, he had a thing of flowers, she opens the door and she's in a cheerleading outfit. And you know, they're he's like what what's going on? And honestly, she was in there having a threesome with two of her ex-husbands, okay? And and that's and I say, Well uh and they didn't invite you in? And he said, No, they didn't. But I mean it's just that kind of stuff. You can't believe it. You just can't believe it. And that's the title of the book. These stories are true, I shit you not, because they happen, and it's not just you. I think that's the other thing I want people to understand is it is not just you that this happens because I was really kind of mortified for a while, you know. Like I mean, I can't imagine what my son thinks of this book, but he yeah. But um it's uh it's you're not alone in the nuttiness, is the other thing I want to make sure people understand, you know.

Ghosting And The Energy Cost

Tamara 15:30

Yeah. And I know this obviously your book is about the bad stuff, but like you said, there are good ones out there. Would you say it was like 10% decent dates or 20%?

Cathy 15:40

Yeah, I mean and again, you know, I was divorced and I really wasn't sure what I was looking for during all this time. But even honest to God, um you know, there are good dates and they're not always nutty. You know, sometimes you just don't connect. And I still haven't really, you know, I I dated somebody for a while and it just didn't work out. And as you get older, you kind of, you know, as independent women, we're kind of like, hmm, what's what's the benefit of the you know? And a companionship, of course, is great. But um I think really the the f the the part that I I don't know, I think is a good thing is that um you just have to keep practicing. And I love meeting people and hearing their stories. Of course, I as a writer I'm always like, oh, that's a good chapter, you know, and of course that's bad because then I'm gonna turn it into a chapter. But um, yeah, there's good stuff too. But you know, honest to God, I just literally three weeks ago my cousin she lost her husband last year and she convinced me to go on this Facebook dating. I thought, okay, I'm local, I'll just see what happens. And so I literally did. I went on a date, what, two Fridays ago, five hours, you know, sitting there talking. We texted all the next day, and then he said, Well, let's have coffee on Sunday. I have never heard from him since. You know, that's the kind of stuff I'm saying. It's like, it's just so odd. Like, I thought we connected pretty well, and I kind of reached out and I said, Let's, you know, you're gonna do we're gonna do the coffee. I didn't hear from him all day, and he said, Sorry, I got busy today. And then I never heard from him again. So in reality, it's like it's not worth the energy sometimes, you know, when you think. Even even that was just a couple weeks ago. So I'm just kind of like, this is why I hang out with my horses, you know. So, you know, I just I ride out in the countryside and I I do my thing and I write my books, and um it's you know, it's hard for women, I think, too, because a lot of us are independent, and um of course coming from an older generation, I have a comment in the book that one of my friends made. Nowadays, he said, you know, you get yelled at if you don't open the door for women, and you get yelled at if you do open the door for women. So it's confusing for men too, I think. Um you know, and I don't know, our roles are so mixed up now. Um, it's just really hard for us to kind of decipher what we really want and and what we're willing to compromise. Yeah.

Profile Language And Mixed Signals

Tamara 18:08

Have you heard of burned haystack at all? No. It's a Facebook group and uh she has Instagram as well, but she kind of deciphers the wording of profiles to help to help you understand like what they really mean when they say stuff, so you can burn the stack to get to your needle. Right. And some people say, I mean, it's definitely good, but then it kind of turns almost into like anti-men-ish thing. But I mean she does is she's a professor who does like linguistics stuff, so she can literally like decide. Interesting. And then she she's writing a book and she has you know, she it's grown into a huge following and articles and stuff.

Cathy 18:43

Oh, I'll have to look that up. No, and again, you know, the one thing that I don't know if there's a phrase that you see that you're like, oh my god, you know, but the one for me is no drama. I'm thinking, life is drama. What are you talking? You know, and I think when men say that, it's just ah swipe. You know, because it's just it's a phrase that you know you can't I don't know, that that one really bothers me.

Tamara 19:08

I think she would say that's like him not wanting to be challenged. Yeah, you know, like it's like no, I it's my way or the highway. Yep. So like I don't want to hear it.

Cathy 19:17

Absolutely, absolutely. Yeah, I think um, you know, it's just really a stud. It's been a study in the human condition, and so I'm still on TikTok. I'm writing another book. I I wrote a poetry book also, so that's on my Amazon. Uh and my website's Katherineberra.com. But um that's that book is also a humor book, you know, and it's gonna be it's a tough one to write because it's about the irony and humor in the before, during, and after of death. And that came about when my father was dying, and um just a weird, crazy, bizarre stuff. You know, d death is tragic. I lost someone I love dearly. Um I was madly in love with him twenty years ago, and um to cancer, and you know, uh you have to find the good in it, the the the positive what happened since then. And I think that situation taught me, you know, always tell people you love them. No, uh you know, who cares? Like, what do you got to lose? Nothing. Um but yeah, it's it's human beings are crazy the crazy creatures, man. We are a nutty. We are nutty.

Tamara 20:21

Yeah, definitely. And I have an episode about that too, like the grief of that. I don't it it's not out yet, it's coming out, but yeah, she said it's it it's like a tr it's basically trauma or can be, and you have to like actually there's a she says a five-step process to help you get to the other side. Most people kind of stay at the s at level three, she says, where it's good enough.

Cathy 20:42

But you know, I saw I heard a really interesting analogy. Someone said grief is like a box with a big red ball in it, and over time the ball takes up all the space, but over time the ball loses some of its air, and so when it bounces around, it's not so suffocating. It just kind of s gets smaller, but it's still there, you know. And I thought, oh, that's an interesting way to look at that. Because yeah, I mean, y that it's true, and I think that's the other thing about dating. You know, you you are so tentative a lot of times because if you've been burned or if you've been cheated on or if you have been ghosted or whatever. Um you know, and I keep seeing all these weird videos of these women who um their husbands have a tinder on the side and they're like meeting with you know, and I'm thinking, you know, I can't even get a one good date, and these people are out there, you know, dating other I I don't know. Yeah, it's it's a crazy, it's a crazy world, you know. So we just have to look at it and step back and say, Oh my lord. So I almost did do a sequel to this dating book based on all the comments from the people about the scammer. I'm still I'm trying to put that together because it's just like, oh my lord. But um, you know, life. gets in the way sometimes. So yeah, I mean that's uh why I wrote the book and um I think it's turned out pretty well and I still, you know, I'm I'm still on there doing videos about it because I just keep getting comments um and stories from people and that they can relate and um so it's all good. It's a good thing. Yeah as I say what's your um social media stuff for TikTok is it the same your first and last name or uh TikTok is Catherine R Author and then I ha I don't do much on Instagram with my book but I have a my website is Katherine C A T H E R I N E Barra B-E-R-R-A dot com and that has you know a link to all my socials and then also the podcasts you know I I do so people can listen to those and see those because you know I love I love talking to people about this because um we're all in it together shall we say so yeah yeah because the big thing for my podcast is just reading books like I've read all the you know the dating like Logan Uri who's she's the um kind of like matchmaker or expert on Hinge but she also has the book how to not die alone which I thought was really helpful and uh like you said it's definitely about practice and going into it not like you know you can't help but be a little jaded but if you don't if both people could actually not be jaded I was talking to a friend I knew in New York when I was writing it and um she said oh my friend Lori Graff wrote a book about all that in the 90s I said what so I contacted Lori and she's like because she did it all this dating stuff before any social media existed so it was more like the ads and the video thing and but she wrote an entire book called You Have to Kiss a Lot of Frogs. So I talked to her and was telling her about my book and she gave me an endorsement on the back of my book and she's like it's just never ending nuttiness you know no matter what avenue you go down to you know participate um it is it is crazy. So I thought that was pretty ironic you know that I had a friend who had a friend who wrote a book you know years ago about the same thing. So and unfortunately the same yeah well nuttiness I think it's worse now I hate to say that but I just think it's just so um easy to you know have thirty five swipes in a day and you know instead of one ad that you've sent in the mail that you know waiting anxiously but I do think that's one of the things I've noticed about the dating world and the online apps and all that it's there's zero uh need for anticipation and I thought I think that always added a little bit of hope and a little more effort on the part of everyone involved in a relationship. I mean even back in the day when I was a kid, you know, if a boy was gonna call you they had to call your home phone and God forbid your dad answer the phone because God it's mortifying you know or you're on the phone and your brother picks the up the other end, you know. So that was a whole different world too. Um but yeah it's it's a crazy, crazy world.

Tamara 25:12

Yeah especially the anticipation like you said if if one doesn't reply you just start with another person and and then another person and and men do the same of course too and then you never know if if they're hitting it off with someone quicker faster.

Cathy 25:25

Right, right. And I think one of the other terms that people use nowadays um for meeting someone it's meeting someone organically, you know, like through a friend or through your your hobbies and things like that. And I've tried that too but you know as again as an older person and also as a woman that is independent and financially independent you know you it's like the needs for you are mostly companionship and a and somebody to share your life with but um there's you know and one of the things I say in my book, you know you just have to be willing to say, okay, I have this big huge wagon full of baggage and I just need to be able to say yes I'm willing to uh have you walk beside me with your big huge wagon full of baggage also right and then we'll just figure it all out when we get home you know so uh yeah and again the compromise part of it is big and as you get older it's just kind of like eh you know so the pros have to outweigh the cons.

Dating Younger And Age Expectations

Tamara 26:25

Yeah to even get started. Have you d have you tried dating younger?

Cathy 26:29

Has that been Oh yeah I usually do ch you know because um I don't know I just have a lot of energy and a lot and again that's the other thing right now you know being um I'm 62 so this you know so I'm older but um a lot of people say oh you don't look 62. I'm like well it doesn't matter because I am and uh you know usually if you do date young and one of the things I found so interesting is that a lot of younger men want to date older women mainly for the sexual part of it right but um what I've this is from all my friends I've talked about this but older men want to date younger women because they don't you know that have you ever seen the movie Moonstruck when she's like why do men chase women she says because they don't want they don't want to die. They don't want to admit that they're older and that they're gonna die, right? But I think the younger men want a more free sort of relationship that they're not worried about the woman getting pregnant or you know all that kind of stuff. And then the the older men want the younger women just for their egos and their you know um basically because they're they're not willing to admit and accept the fact that they're at this stage in their life kind of you know I mean I did date guys who oh God I dated a guy who I asked on the profile if he had kids and he had said no. Well then I get to the date and he says oh by the way I I do have a kid but I didn't know about him until about a year ago because she never told me then I've had men say they have the 30 year old 20 year old kids and then they did the rebound marriage and so they're in their 50s and they have a two year old. So it's like oh my God what are you thinking pal? So um it's just all sorts of situations, you know, all sorts of weird um mixes of stuff that goes on. So um and I do think I have dated younger men and I usually are they usually are younger but at this point you know I'm kind of looking someone for the say in the same age range. I mean I'm in a very rural area here. I'm in Durango Colorado and I moved down here to get out of the big city you know like we were talking I lived in the DC area for almost 20 years and now I just kind of hang out with my horses and I work at a little radio station here and um so I like to travel.

Tamara 28:49

I think that's the one thing I would say that is a big plus for me if someone does that but otherwise I don't know what about you are you on any apps or I was I mean I have a boyfriend and I was in six months ago I was definitely on all that all the books talked about all the time and then w we talked about stand up comedy too I used to do that and I it was newly dating at the time so all of my stand up was like kind of like your your book all the dating that was going on and all the the stories and the stuff and the stories are endless.

Cathy 29:27

I mean you know you think like I said ever since I wrote this I could give you a whole stand up routine. I mean it's like you know you don't you think yours are bad and that's what I do on TikTok too. It's like you think I I thought my stories were bad and crazy and then you hear other people's stories and you're like oh my God. So um we're just nutty.

Social Media And Lost Conversation Skills

Cathy 29:46

Our human beings are just nutty nutty creatures and I think too it's just so it's a different world with social media because we're just inundated nonstop. Um and I think that's the other thing I was talking to someone about the other day is and I think it's been purposeful with social media, but our attention spans are so diminished from social media. Like everyone is getting it's stories and they're ten seconds long or twenty seconds long and that's what we consume in our brains. So the concept of a you know a long what do you call what what was it even called just like you know dating and uh you know trying to do that couple weeks of let's see how it goes or months even is you know now diminished to like two days. So uh if you don't you know and it's an instant although there's that book what is it called five second rule or is that tipping point or something where it's like a five second you know you can assess something in five seconds you know based on your environmental history and and your life and what you perceive so you see somebody in five seconds you're like oh okay yeah although I just had an interview with someone that's he it took him like ten dates to well actually the very first date they were both neutral but they talked about on the phone like yeah I'm like kind of neutral like I'm not sure what I think and but then they talked for five hours and then by the tenth date then they kissed and then it was like more to sparks so I don't know I think there's hope out there.

Tamara 31:19

It's not all terrible I I do think like an idea for your book because of the burned haystack if you read that and compare some of your stories you can see like the thread of how how the um what she talks about the linguistic stuff of all those the profiles and my features absolutely absolutely I think people have unlearned how to communicate face to face.

Cathy 31:41

In fact I belong to a group here and it's just a group about conversation. It's called common ground. It's just interesting um and one of the people in my at my table it's basically a group we're trying to learn how to have better conversations in this current world and he's a professor at the local college here and he said the most disturbing thing to him and he's probably in his mid thirties, late thirties, is that uh and may this might have had something to do with COVID and the shutdowns and people just kind of not communicating face to face but he said the hardest thing he is dealing with most difficult thing is his younger kids that have no concept or have lost the concept of how to interact personally. How to interact face to face, have a conversation, talk on the phone because all they're doing is texting and they'll be sitting at the same table texting each other. So it's just it's just bizarre. So I feel for the younger kids because you know that all they know is the swiping and and that sort of thing. So um but that was a fascinating fascinating comment because I said what are you talking about? Like and he said well when they come to class and I say we have to do you know a pr a presentation or and they just freeze and they're mortified that they have to actually get up in front. Now again that might just be here who knows but uh I just thought that was very interesting.

Tamara 33:08

Yeah. Yeah my my friend brought her son and then I brought my niece and nephew to an event and I just assumed the three kids would talk. Yeah yeah but that didn't happen. Like my niece and nephew talked to themselves and then he just they didn't even try or acknowledge each other.

Cathy 33:22

Yeah so that's unfortunate but so yeah with regard to dating I mean this like I said this has been just an adventure and it's been really fun in a lot of ways other than the scamming thing where the people told me that they got scammed. Uh it's just been a lot of fun and I do I still you know like go on TikTok and I I it's fun for me to do that. As an older person it's it's just been interesting too because I think I have 17,000 followers. I don't know it's it that doesn't really I don't get on there and say I want followers. I just want to engage with people that are in my same boat sort of thing. And it's it's people of all ages so that's been a lot of

Final Takeaways And Where To Follow

Cathy 34:00

fun.

Tamara 34:00

So very cool.

Cathy 34:02

Yeah I was gonna say do you have kind of a final thoughts but I guess that's kind of unless you want to see those as your final thoughts or no just that I would just want to repeat the name of my book it's these stories are true I shit you not a humorous look at online dating for the unsuspecting older human.

Tamara 34:17

And again it's on uh Amazon and it's also on my website Kathrynberra.com awesome all right well thank you very much thanks for good luck everybody good luck out there make good choices yes and if you love this episode be sure to tell your friends about it and read it as well and thank you again Kathy you're welcome thank you all right thanks everyone bye Frank talk frank talk sex and dating and two kids