Breaking Porn’s Grip #143

Porn can be “occasional” and still run your life. If you’ve ever said “I’ll stop” and then found yourself right back in the same loop, this conversation puts language to what’s happening and gives you a grounded path forward.

We’re joined by GT Tan, a mental and sexual wellness coach and executive reboot strategist, to talk about porn addiction recovery in a way that goes beyond shame and willpower. We unpack what addiction really means when frequency varies, why porn is often a symptom of something deeper, and how stress, anxiety, loneliness, and unresolved pain can turn porn into a default coping tool. GT also explains porn-induced erectile dysfunction (PIED), including how ED can show up as partial or inconsistent erections, and why it matters to look at the full picture, from relationship dynamics to bloodwork, hormones, sleep, and diet.

From there we get practical: identifying triggers, setting boundaries in a culture where sexual content is everywhere, and building long-term sobriety rather than short-term abstinence. We also touch on dating and intimacy, including why authenticity matters and why rejection can be a major relapse trigger if you don’t have a solid foundation first.

If you want a healthier relationship with sex, confidence, and connection, listen through and then subscribe, share the episode with a friend, and leave a quick review so more people can find it.

Transcript

Welcome And Guest Introduction

Tamara 0:00

Hello, it's Tamara here. Welcome to the show. Today's guest is GT Tan, a mental and sexual wellness coach who helps men break free from porn and sex addiction and rebuild emotional connection and desire the healthy way. Thanks for joining me, GT.

GT 0:14

Yes, thank you. Thank you for having me. How are you doing?

Tamara 0:18

I am great and I love this episode or this topic. So I know I was I unknowingly dated a guy who was addicted the entire time we were together and I had no idea. So I I know one of the questions is gonna be symptoms or how you can tell, but like this we can get with start with how you got into this, your background, wherever you want to start to sure, yeah.

GT’s Story From Struggle To Coach

GT 0:40

Well, I um first of all, uh full transparency, you know, I used to struggle with pornography addiction as well when I was younger. And um yeah, and then I I was able to actually um get the right mentor, you know, to help me through it. But it is it's more of a first of all, more of a having the right person to recogn like to let me know that give me the idea of like, oh, maybe I should be aware of this being not, you know, something that I should do, right? You know, because I think the most common misconception a lot of guys have, or in general, oh, porn is just what guys do, right? But I don't think that enough people are actually seeing it as a real problem, right? You know, when I say real problem, I don't mean like you're actually watching it all day long. I mean like it actually affects your life in a way that uh either consciously or unconsciously, right? Or directly or indirectly. Does that make sense?

Tamara 1:48

Yeah, definitely. Like you might not be you only do it once in a while, but if it affects how you are with actual people.

GT 1:55

Yeah, how you are, actual people, or even how you are with yourself, right? You know, how you feel about yourself and your self-image, right? So anyway, uh for me, you know, it was something that I definitely struggled uh to quit when I tried to quit for the first time in my life. I think most guys, you know, they never really under they underestimate how hard it is to quit porn. They just think that, oh, you know what? Yeah, I I I got it in control, it's not a big deal. Right? That's just a lot of the limiting beliefs that a lot of guys have. They think that it's easy to control, but it's not. And um, you know, and for me, you know, I I was really fortunate to go through the program before it was even called the Pawn Reboot, you know, program or Pawn Reboot System. Uh that's the name of our program, right? Essentially, and uh the name of the company is LR Recovery. So yeah, the the guy who actually, you know, JK Maisie, he's the founder and head coach of the system. And uh I was Grayfoot actually pretty much went under his wing, you know, and learn and be aware and understand how to reboot. And and here I am, I'm actually helping that, you know, quick porn for the last seven, eight years now, actually, full-time. So Okay.

Tamara 3:17

Yeah, that's awesome. Yeah, you had an issue, got it fixed, and then you're like, all right, I know more people need this.

GT 3:22

So Absolutely. Absolutely. Yeah.

Tamara 3:25

Do you want to talk about the system itself or some like generalizations or stuff about addiction in general, or how like which how do you usually what's best you've found to share the information?

What Addiction Really Means

GT 3:37

Well, I guess I guess the first thing it's like recognizing the symptoms that you might have an addiction, right? You know, I think the definition of addiction, it's not about how many times you actually act out uh per week, per month, per day, right? It's more about how it makes you feel and you try to quit it, and you're not able to do it, right? If you have something that you rather end, but you're not able to do it on your own, or you're not able to do it with like just really simple basic stuff that you do in life, and we improve the different parts of your life, and you still struggle to quit, and and like whenever there's a certain trigger, whenever a certain stress level, you use it to cope, well, that's that's an addiction, right? Because it goes back to the cope.

Tamara 4:33

Yeah,

Relationship Clues And PIED Signs

Tamara 4:34

and if you have a partner who seems to be, or how could you recognize um signs if someone you were with was like, how would you know they had one without them telling you?

GT 4:45

Yeah, that's a great question. Yeah. So we we we do get a lot of questions from partners as well, you know, who might suspect uh suspect their husbands or their boyfriend, you know, partners, you know, who actually might struggle with this in silence. Uh is first of all, you gotta a lot of times they might be less present, right? You know, I think that's the first thing that I'm not saying that you know, anyone, any man who's not present, you know, with a partner, right? There might be some other issues as well, rather than strictly like you know, you decide conclude is porn addiction. That's not it. You know, that's just one part of it. And I think another thing, the most common one that most partners they start to find out, it's when their uh partner has PIED, porn-induced erectile dysfunction, right? So I think that's a more apparent one. Unfortunately, when you find out about that, uh it's a little bit like on a serious end now, because it's already presented in the physical level rather than just in the mental level.

Tamara 5:56

Yeah, and is it can they never do it or sometimes not be able to get erect, or how does that how do you know it's um an issue?

GT 6:05

Oh, you mean like the point in news? Yeah, if it's point in news or if it's something else, yeah. That's a good question. So if someone has symptoms, if you you or your or your partner have certain level of like symptoms of erectile dysfunction, erectile dysfunction doesn't mean that you cannot get up at all. It could mean like you have like lack of um you know blood flow, you know, uh in your penis, right? And you like in terms of like erection is not as full, right? Maybe like you know, you're supposed to be super excited, but you know, it's like 80% there or 50% there, you know. I hope this is not TMI. You know, this is something that's important just to be aware of, yeah, and uh and um and it could also be a combination of like performance and uh anxiety as well, sometimes, right? Or even stress that could actually contribute it. But if you're able to actually have a full interaction with porn, but not with your partner, right? There then there's uh there's a two different labels. One that that is a sign that you might have porn addiction. Another thing is also it's also a possibility that you're no longer like you know sexually attracted to your partner as well. So that is also possible, Deanna, but I think it's important to be aware of and actually understand and and ask those questions first, then you can actually you know go a little bit deeper or like, okay, you know what? Do I actually have porn news about dial dysfunction, or do I have a rectal dysfunction? Having a blood uh work done, right? I think is very important so that we actually know exactly your biochemistry if there's anything that is misaligned, you know, there's missing. Uh, and we actually have a uh protocol that we actually do do blood work. We able to actually look at it or know exactly, okay, these are the things that you need to fix. We may need to actually like fix your diet, your sleep, or even certain protocols, you know, that you have to get on uh for you to optimize your horns.

Tamara 8:20

So yeah, that's great.

GT 8:22

Because then yeah, it's and then the other upside of it from the partner is if they don't want to, and you're like you take you know, take it personally potentially, or so yeah, yeah, like where where you feel like a little bit of like lack of confidence, you know, on your sexuality, on how you feel about yourself, you know, especially when your partner is no longer, you know, excited or sexually aroused, you know, with you. But but I think it's not just a one, like there's no one specific data that's gonna suggest, oh yeah, you definitely have pornadavis rectile dysfunction. I think the best thing is to for you to uh actually, yeah, just reach out to us, you know, we'll actually go through an interview process and find out, okay, let's really pieces the different pieces of data together. But I think the simplest thing is like if you're able to have a full erection with porn, but you're not able to actually do that with your real partner, that that's a pretty clear sign that this is something that you know uh that you might struggle with. But that being said, it's like you are still sexually attracted to your partner, but you're not able to actually perform. Right? And I think that is a condition right there.

Tamara 9:39

So yeah, that makes sense. Yeah. And then um what how do you either take people through coaching or do you want to talk about the system or some more of the symptoms?

GT 9:49

Um

A Holistic Reboot Instead Of Willpower

GT 9:50

I I would say actually, porn addiction in itself is the symptom of something deeper that I like think a lot of guys have not addressed. I think that's the first thing that I think most men and women have to recognize. We strictly work with men. Um and in terms of the system, in terms of the I would say not just system, it's actually a whole entire ecosystem that we do provide, right, is to put you through an um immersive protocol, you know, and a process that is systematic, structured, that is data-driven, to look at uh your life, look at your habits, look at your lifestyle, and look at your self-image. And once we actually understand where you are now, we're able to actually find out the gap of like, okay, this is where you are right now and today, you know, maybe this is where you were a few months ago. Let's really make sure that we colle collect all of that stuff so that we really find out what is the gap towards where you really want to be as a human being, as a man, as a husband, as a father, as a leader of your community, right? And uh whatever that is, you know, whatever identity that you uh you aspire to be, right? Uh it's important for us to remove these pieces of it so you can actually really change your habits, your lifestyle, and your self-image. That's the most important thing. It's not about just quitting porn, it's not about just focusing on like, ah, I don't want this anymore in my life. Like you just like, oh, I hate porn, right? No, uh-uh. When you do that, you're only adding more emotion energy, emotional energy, which means that what and instead of like you're able to actually let go of it, right? You know, or push porn away, you're actually adding energy into it, right? I think that's what most people try to do. And especially now with no fat November or no not November, I think that's like a really common um thing that a lot of guys they actually found out that they cannot quit porn is this month. This is one of the more popular months, right? You know, in terms of November, right? So uh if one of you are listening right now, you are going to maybe you found No Not November because of whatever reason, and you're like, oh shit, I I I I have a lot of urge to act, I have a lot of urge to masturbate, I have a lot of urge to watch porn, I have a lot of urge to like scratch the edge, and you're not able to actually really control that. Well, it that means that there's probably a lot of certain parts of your life that you're not really addressing. So we need to really help you to address, be aware of the actual problem first that is lacking. Once we figure out that problem, it just becomes so easy for you to actually fix it. Um and all in all, the whole process has to be holistic. It cannot be just one size fits all, it cannot be just oh, let's just read more Bible, oh let's just like talk about your feelings, oh let's just um talk like like let's address all of the trauma, right? Oh, just work out harder, you know, just just be more disciplined, right? Just try harder, just install all the apps, the blockers, right? The filters for you to like restrict yourself. Oh, check yourself into a rehab center where you spend like 10, 15, 20,000 dollars a week, right? And well, a lot of those are very short-term, they don't really teach you the skill. How do you actually maintain long-term sobriety, not just abstinence, sobriety, you know, towards being a man who doesn't import that make sense? And camera?

Tamara 14:02

Yeah, yeah. And what happens if they do are able to be sober from it? Is do they

Dopamine, Escape Patterns, And Healing

Tamara 14:08

usually, I'm guessing, excel in life, and is that part of what you do as well, like coach them to the next level kind of thing, or is it more just helping them not be addicted?

GT 14:17

Well, I like I think the fact that they have to become a new human being to actually end their addiction completely, right? I think that in itself it's it's a given, right? It's it's it's just part of the process. You actually have to be the better version of yourself to maintain that sobriety in itself, right? You know, so yes, uh, men who actually went through this reboot process, right? Um, they they have to improve themselves, right? You know, it could be um their career, it could be their financial discipline, it could be uh their relationship, right? You know, if they're in a relationship or if they are uh they're single, right? It could be just like the way that actually interact with women, especially attractive women, women they are actually you know attracted to and aroused, right, by and so on. And and it could also be just like your self-image. Maybe there are some certain levels of like past trauma that you haven't really resolved, right? Self-confidence issue, right, that you may have, right? Or even like body image issues, if you are not as fit as you like hope to be, you know, and if you're feeling uh self-judgmental about like how you look physically, you know, if you have a gut, if you're overweight, right, you know, whatever the case is, and so on, right? Uh that's that could be a lot of different combinations. Or if you have a lot of stress that you don't know how to cope, and you're using pornography to cope, right? Essentially, you are not, I think a lot of guys are not um addicted to porn per se. They're addicted to how it makes them feel, they're addicted to how it makes you feel, essentially, right? You know, because it is a sensation of the you know, watching something, you know, that is sexually aroused arousing, and uh, or um when you match the big, you know, you feel good and all that stuff, just the physicality of it, that's a sensation that you're attached to. All right, and and you use it to just feel good about yourself temporarily, other you are using it to run away from stuff. That's the most common one. You have a pain in your life, whatever that is, you want to avoid it, you want to run away from the reality, right? And you use that as an escape route, an escape part, right? You know, and temporarily, whatever the case is, you know, so you feel good about yourself and you forget about things, you know, and then or you use it to go to bed, you know, sleep better, right? You know, you can't sleep. That's a that's a really common justification a lot of guys make. Uh, and that's why the recovery um the recovery model, right, does not work with porn addiction specifically.

Tamara 17:24

Yeah, I I read the book The Truth, and he had um porn addiction. It was the guy that wrote the game. I talked about this a few times, but yeah, he went to therapy for it, and yeah, they've he was struggled with the whole process and how it all works for the game.

GT 17:38

Yeah, Neil Strauss. Neil Strauss.

Tamara 17:40

Yes, right, yeah, yeah.

GT 17:42

Yeah, I think a lot of guys, you know, who uh are dating coaches, right, you know, themselves, or even like guys who actually appeal to dating coaches, there is a huge high possibility that they also struggle with porn addiction as well. Yes, like I think a a good portion of them, they will, you know, improve their self-image, you know, with women and things like that, and able to actually attract the right woman in their life. And some of them they're actually able to quit porn because of that, right? You know, just having hot girlfriends, right? You know, or but I think one thing that I think a lot of these dating coaches, you know, and and and I think back then, you know, with Neil Strauss, his identity was with pick up artists, right? You know, what they miss is that they don't address the attachment, the actual attachment, uh, for even the sensation of having sex with a beautiful woman or with porn, right? Acting out, like sexually acting out, right? I think there is just still a certain level of like yearning, craving, right? And the truth is you cannot just like having like experience orgasm all day long 24-7. That is just not physically um sustainable. Okay, it's not sustainable because what you're gonna do, you're gonna drive up your dopamine and just the tolerance level to a certain level, and you get to a point that you you are not gonna be happy with the norm, with just yourself, with just being, with just living, with just the simple stuff, which is being able to actually speak, walk, read, talk, you know, just as a human being, right? You know, it's it's not just porn, it's about like letting go of like the attachment of even like having something so pleasurable. Right, you know, and it's it is it easy? No, it's not, you know, but I think it's important to recognize that and and and for guys who struggle with uh dating, yeah. I I highly recommend you know um you to improve your dating life. We do have a dating review program as well, you know, that we do help men to connect and build genuine intimacy and genuine desire from woman, you know. I think that's way more attractive and way more sustainable compared to just like the surface. You know?

Tamara 20:19

Yeah. And do you want to talk more about that, like what either what it means or how how you help people or help men get there?

GT 20:27

Yeah.

Reboot Stages And Better Dating Skills

GT 20:28

Uh well, first of all, we we we actually go through different phases of the reboot process. You know, phase one is to actually get you control first, get you more aware, become more of a master of yourself, you understand what are the things and different parts of your life that is important, what are things that is not really as important, actually have a priority because if you have ten different priorities, you don't have a priority. Yeah, every single day you need to have one priority. There's maybe a handful of things that you would prioritize, but every man also has a season of their life, like this season, this next four or eight, you know, a short period of time, I'm gonna prioritize this thing, right? And I think that's really important. Uh, and once you really recognize to a point of like you actually stop beating yourself up from relapsing and slipping, it's not about that. We actually don't even count days. I think the typical recovery model they count days. So once you get to a certain level of, I would say uh we have the five stages of reboot, and right, you know, the pre reboot stage, the early reboot stage, middle reboot stage, late reboot stage, and maintenance reboot stage, right? You know, it's uh that's actually uh a protocol within the born reboot system. Um, we highly recommend all guys before they actually start prioritizing like their. Dating and attracting the right woman in their life to get through the early reboot stage first have a strong foundation. Why is that important? Because when you go out and date, okay, it's very likely that you are going to get triggered by rejection. Right? Because, you know, like not every woman that you approach is gonna be, you know, accepting your invitation or accepting your offer, right? So, or you, you know, or even want to talk to you, right? You know, and then there's different ones you actually in the dating reprogram, we actually help you to look at your style, look at the way that you speak, how you speak, how you lead your life, how you communicate with women, with beautiful women, not just like one woman, you know, that you're not really that attracted to, you know. Um, how do you really communicate yourself that effectively and authentically without like trying to be someone you're not?

Tamara 23:02

Yeah. Yeah, it's definitely there. I had a few guests who talked about how women can sniff that out when you're not being yourself, being authentic.

GT 23:10

Absolutely, absolutely, right? You know, like no matter what, I think woman, most women, like, you know, doesn't it it's already built in in the psychology? You know, like you you, you know uh have a lot more in in general, right? Women have a lot more social calibration than men, period. Right? You know, especially beautiful women because you know, from like a very young age after puberty, they are they have way more social interaction with someone who's attracted to them and actually try to pursue them than most men.

Tamara 23:50

You know, so yeah, I can see that for sure. Yeah, and then do you want to talk about how to get to like find out about the program, where to where to go, which the sites and the social media and stuff?

GT 24:03

Sure,

Programs, Bloodwork, And Support Options

GT 24:04

yeah. So uh if you're just interested in like learning more about us, you know, as an organization as a whole, you can go to elevatedrecovery.org. Elevatedrecovery.org. Uh or you can also check out uh our YouTube if you are a YouTube person, right? You know, um porn reboot, porn reboot YouTube channel. Uh we just you know cross uh over 150,000 subscribers, right? So I'm really happy about that. Uh despite of being a shadow bat, just because of the subject matter in all social media, we are shadow band. Uh and uh also uh you know uh podcasts. We have we have like over 600, probably close to 700 episodes by now, right? Podcast episodes that is produced uh mostly by uh JK Maisie, our head coach and founder of the system. Uh, and of course, uh we also have a whole amazing coaches and team member actually have um certain snippets of things. You know, we have a lot of testimonials, it's like so many, it's probably over a hundred by now. Video testimonials, actually, real human beings, real clients, you know, couple testimonials sharing their transformation, you know, in terms of like their lives being better, uh, the wives, you know, actually regaining trust, them actually um pretty much become um like two, three X, you know, improve their income, a lot of them, you know, we because we work with a lot of business owners, right? You know, and entrepreneurs as well, right? Uh and yeah, or or people even transforming their body. We we have we have also another program called Optimum You, right? Just to plug in here, you know, it's it's actually helping, you know, men uh transform their body and get to their dream body, you know, and we look at the hormone, we look at everything, right? You know, uh and and if you have any trauma at all, we do have a uh trauma reboot protocol that we help you to really let go of the trauma, right? Or we have a neuro reprogramming protocol as well to help you identify certain level of limiting beliefs to really help you to reinstall your unconscious mind so that you no longer have these limited beliefs holding back from achieving your goals, right? Or like letting go of um the addiction in itself, right? You know, yeah. So so we we cover a lot of things.

Tamara 26:45

Yeah, I was just gonna ask real quick, what what did you say the last one was called? Uh reinstall.

GT 26:50

Yeah, it's a um reprogramming, you know, repro neuro reprogramming, you know, protocol, right?

Tamara 26:56

Neural reprogramming, right?

GT 26:57

Neuro reprogramming, right? Because that's where like the rewiring really happens. And the rewiring is not just this elusive like thought process of like, oh, how do I rewire my addiction? It's not about re just rewiring addiction, it's about understanding and questioning all of the things that you thought that is that were true. As you can see, the language is really important and what you use and talk to yourself. They were true, but they do they have to be true, and we help you to identify them, or pieces of them, because some of them might be partially true, and we help to remove the ones that is not true or no longer serving your life, or no longer congruent with your values, right? You know, uh as a as an ambitious, you know, man, right, or even as a religious leader. We have a lot of religious leaders who work with two pastors, ministers, and so on. So yeah.

Tamara 28:00

Yeah, sounds awesome. Yeah, definitely lots needed.

GT 28:04

Yeah, lots, lots, lots

Boundaries, Triggers, Contact Info, Closing

GT 28:06

are needed. Yeah, it's really get to a point that you you have to become a man who doesn't need porn. It's not about even where you watch porn or not, right? You know, as a matter of fact, you know, we have guys that like, yeah, occasionally like let's just be true to the matter, right? You know, but realistically, like even after you quit porn, you are gonna be exposed to porn, like whether you like it or not. Because this is part of our culture, and it's also nothing wrong with exposed to like some certain sex scenes here and there when you're watching a movie, it's part of life, it's part of human being, it's about being human, it's but it's about understanding yourself so well that you decide what are the boundaries that you'll want to accept in your life and you want to keep. It goes back to the boundaries, right? You know, if you know certain things trigger you into something that is out of control, that is compulsive. Compulsive means that uh you ideally don't want to do it, but you're doing it anyway. That is a compulsion, that means that it is out of control. You could be doing it once a year, it doesn't matter. Yeah, but if it's but if you say you don't want to and you're doing it, yeah, but you're doing it, and so we have to really look at okay, what are the triggers? Why do you have that trigger? Is it that part of your life you're not really like practicing what you know you need to practice, right? If there's certain routine and certain things that you need to understand in your biochemistry, you need to address it, right? You know, and you might not necessarily need a coach, right? But for those men, you know, who it'd be you've been trying it so many years, trying to create on your own, and you've improved your dating skills, you've you've slowed beautiful women, right? You know, you're able to actually have that confidence within yourself, but you're still like once in a while still acting over, but there's a part of you're like, I don't, this is not really me. Uh you might need a reboot coach. You know?

Tamara 30:05

And do you want to talk about how to work with you specifically? Like what's your social media, or is it more the system and you're part of the one of the coaches available?

GT 30:13

Yeah, people can reach out to me directly if like you like the way I speak, you know, personally. We have different team members, but I am the executive reboot strategist, right, and a certified reboot coach as well, right? We do actually have a reboot coaching certification, right? To help uh a lot of guys, they they they want to help other men. We do certified uh professionals, including um therapists and counselor, we do work with them and certify them so if they can help their clients because most therapists and counselors they're not trained to help with you know men who are addicted to porn because unfortunately, porn addicts are liars, an amazing liar, and because of that, it's so important to uh make sure that you actually work with someone who knows how to call them out. You know, yeah, yeah. So uh yeah, if you want to reach out to me directly, you can go to g uh guanting.com, g u a n t y n g-o t c o m, right? You spell it out on Instagram. I'm also on Facebook. Facebook is I I actually just use the pronunciation of my name is G-E-E-T-E-E-T-A-N. Uh that is my account that I'm actually more active at. I have a personal account, it's just my name, GT Tan, but I hardly ever use it. You're not gonna get any response from me if you want to go there. Uh and yeah, I'm all over social media. You can also email me if you're like, you know what, I don't want to be like sending you a DM or anything like that. You know, I I'm I'm not sure if I should reach out. I'm afraid of like me, my identity being exposed, right? You want a discrete help, you can always email me at g uh gt at elevaterecovery.org, right?

Tamara 32:08

Yeah, that sounds good. Makes sense. All right, well, thank you very much for being on. And if you love this episode, sorry, and if you love this episode, be sure to tell your friends about it and share it as well, or um rate it as well. All right, well, thank you again, GT Tan, for being on. All right, thanks everyone. Bye.