A Dating Platform Built For Marriage #149

Swiping promised freedom, but a lot of us ended up with the same result: more chats, more dates, and fewer people willing to build something that lasts. That is why we brought on Jeremy Nelson, the founder of MarryingAmerica.com, a new dating platform for marriage-minded singles who are done playing the numbers game and ready to date with real intention.

We dig into Jeremy’s “feast and famine” view of modern online dating: a feast of casual options paired with a famine of commitment. Then we get practical. MarryingAmerica.com is web-based by design (no app to live on), and it limits how you behave.

From there, the conversation goes deeper: courtship, going slower, and the idea that love is something you do, not something you say. We also explore a surprising (and unsettling) angle: as AI chatbots and AI companions get easier to talk to than real humans, will people start opting out of human relationships entirely?

If you want an intentional dating approach that prioritizes long-term relationships and marriage, listen now, share this with a friend who is serious about commitment, and subscribe and leave a review so more people can find the show.

Transcript

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Welcome And Guest Introduction

Tamara 0:00

Hello, it's Tamara here. Welcome to the show. Today's guest is Jeremy Nelson, the founder of MarryingAmerica.com, a new dating platform built for people who are done with endless swiping and ready for something real. Thanks for joining me, Jeremy.

Jeremy 0:13

Thanks, Tamara, for having me. I appreciate it.

Tamara 0:15

Yes, I think I mean we all know the struggle out there in dating, so it looks like that's what you would like to help people with is have an alternative to the current situation and dating apps.

Jeremy 0:29

That's absolutely

Why Modern Dating Feels Broken

Jeremy 0:30

correct.

Tamara 0:30

Yeah. So what would you say is different about yours, or why did you want to create it?

Jeremy 0:34

Well, Tamara, long story short, I realized that we are now operating in a world where people have both a plethora of choices and a dearth of choices. The plethora of choices happen to be the number of people they can engage with, the number of people they can have hookups with, the number of people they can have short-term relationships with. Where the dearth comes in is that they're also operating in a world where there are a dearth of people who want to commit to a long-term relationship. So we're in a time of plenty and we're in a time of famine, feast and famine type situation. And I believe there's a cohort of people out there who don't want to operate anymore in an environment where people have so many choices in terms of people they think could make long-term partners. Because the reality of it, from my perspective, is that there really and truly are only a handful of people who are going to be willing to marry you, despite what social media might tell you, despite what you may see on social media, despite what you may hear otherwise. There are lots of people who will hook up with you, there are lots of people who will sleep with you, there are lots of people who will have short-term relationships with you. But there really and truly are only a couple of three people who are legitimately going to consider you for marriage. And these are the types of people I want to put together. Those who understand these dynamics and are willing to be constrained by these dynamics.

Tamara 2:20

Yeah, and I know what what moment was it that made you realize that?

Jeremy 2:25

Or you just Well, it wasn't a moment. It was a series of conversations over many years. And I'd go to you know events, functions, barbecues, get togethers, and the refrain would always be the same. You know, that um I just can't find somebody who seriously wants to get married. Do they want to have a good time? Do they want to hang out for a couple of weeks? Yes. Do they really want to consider me seriously for marriage? And that led me to having been married for almost 40 years myself, I can appreciate and understand the value of a long-term relationship. And I decided that, you know, something I think the way we are structured right now is this society is built for short-term relationships. There really is nowhere to find that person who wants to be in a long-term relationship. You know, a generation ago, you'd go to church on a Sunday. You know, you'd join church groups, take church trips, and you'd be around people who understood the value of being in a long-term relationship. You know, it doesn't happen like that anymore. For better or for worse, it doesn't happen like that anymore. And so what I'm trying to recreate is that type of environment. People coming together, like-minded people coming together, you know, with the hope and expectation that you can find their persons and build a lifelong relationship

Building A Marriage Focused Alternative

Jeremy 3:50

with them. So that's what we're trying to recreate.

Tamara 3:52

Okay. And how does it work? I know there's you want to share what the website is and how like the basics of it. Sure.

Jeremy 3:58

Um, the the website is marryingamerica.com. We have no app, and that's very intentional on our part because we don't want people to spend their weekends on the app swiping left and swiping right. No. So it's strictly web-based. And what we do is, Tamara, we only allow people to send out five match requests every 30 days. So if you go on the website and you see seven people as potentials in any 30-day period, you can only send requests to five of them. Okay, again, that's meant for people to be very intentional about who they send matches to. So if I were to send you a match timer, you would realize that you are only one of five people that I can be sending a match to that month. So our expectation is that the receiver of this match request is going to take that request far more seriously than if they think they could be one of 15, one of 45, because on the other sites, I mean, it could have 45, you know, um, you know, you could send out 45 requests in a weekend. So the receiver has no idea. Am I one of one or am I one of you know 99? Um, on our side, if you receive a request from me, you will know that I am that you are one of five for that 30-day period. And therefore, the expectation is you're going to take my request far more seriously. Um, now of course, the flip side is you can receive unlimited match requests. You can accept unlimited match requests. You just cannot send unlimited match requests. You can limit it to five every 30 days, and not only that, for you to send a match request, you have to have a credit, meaning you have to have a financial investment. So when I send you a match request, not only do you know you are one of five, but I am willing to make

Five Requests And Paid Intentions

Jeremy 6:05

a financial investment in you. Okay? I am willing to commit financially. And conversely, if you accept my match request, it's going to cost you a credit. So that I know as a sender that this receiver who accepted my request is also financially invested in making this thing work. Again, we are looking for intentionality. We're looking for people who are serious about getting the relationship off on the right foot. And and, you know, we believe that that's a a good way to do it. Is that everybody from day one, they're very intentional, they're very appreciative and understanding that okay, you know, this guy might not be as tall as I'd like, he might be a little bit, you know, lighter or heavier than I would like. But hey, this guy clearly wants to match with me because he's investing in me. So let me accept the match and see where it goes. So that's the that's the environment we're trying to follow.

Tamara 7:03

Okay.

The Seven Day Decision Window

Tamara 7:04

And I know there's a seven-day rule or seven-day.

Jeremy 7:08

Yes, there is a seven-day rule, meaning if I send you a match request, you have seven days in which to accept it, or it is automatically rescinded. And again, that's done because we don't want people sending match requests and then wondering has this person seen it? Has this person, you know, ignored it? Has this person, I mean, do they not want to match with me? So we did that to make people very deliberate. That I have gotten a match request, I have seven days to evaluate it and decide whether or not I want to accept it. Again, we want people to be very deliberate and very intentional. We don't want this to be another um another game of you know, whack-a-mo, you know, let me send a match request here, let me send a match request there, and let me see what happens. No, we want this to be a very deliberate and intentional. Because from where we sit, if the relationship starts out as being very deliberate and intentional, then our premise is that that is the best footing to get a relationship off on. Does it guarantee success? No. But if you're very intentional from day one and both parties understand that that is what this is all about, we're going to be intentional in trying to make this work. I think it just works best for everybody.

Tamara 8:32

Yeah. Do you want to talk about how the site works, like when they first

Profiles First Three Matches Free

Tamara 8:35

pull it up, or will it be obvious once they get there?

Jeremy 8:37

And it'll be obvious once they get there, they'll see the opportunity to register. Um, they'll fill out a profile, which in most cases will take 15 minutes. You know, you'll answer the questions, you'll upload a couple of pictures, you can upload your social media videos if you feel like it. Um, of course, you know, the more the better to better present, you know, who you are. And then you can start looking for people who you think you may match with, or you can do nothing. You can wait for somebody to come looking for you. You know what I mean? So you can be as involved or as disengaged as you will want. You can be as as aggressive or as passive. You know, if you just want to be out there and you know hope that a guy comes along that you know, match, sends you a match request, that's fine too. If you want to be a little bit more aggressive and to actually send you know some match requests to a couple of guys, you can do that too. So, you know, we advise anybody who has ever been on a dating app, who has ever been looking for their forever person, that there is no downside because as when once you sign up and register, you get your first three matches for free. They're included. So, you know, you get your first three at absolutely no cost. Um and we're hoping that you know you don't need more than three to find a serious relationship. But if you do, then you know there are credits available for purchase, but you get your first three free. And you have access to a hundred percent of the functionality, you know. So once you register sign up, you have access to a hundred percent of the features, and you also get your first three matches free. So you know, there's just no downside to it.

Tamara 10:16

And it's a fairly new site or it's been around?

Jeremy 10:19

No, it's a fairly new

Lowering The Checklist For Love

Jeremy 10:20

site, it's brand new. Yes. Okay, yes.

Tamara 10:23

Anything else I didn't ask that I should share.

Jeremy 10:28

The reception in the marketplace so far has been very positive. You know, um, everybody loves the concept. Um okay, everybody who's looking for a serious relationship loves the concept. Um, you know, they understand the nuances and the differences that that that that we're offering, you know, in terms of forcing people to be more selective, um, you know, forcing people to to to get over some of their their must-haves. You know, if he's not six foot or you know, or six figures, um, you know, we're forcing people to to evaluate those who like them. Let me take a hard look at this guy who seems to like me. You know, he may not be six feet, he might be five, nine, but okay, look, he says he likes me. So, you know, maybe I can get beyond those two inches. You know, so that's what we're trying to do, because that's how it's always been through you know human history. You know, we've always had to make concessions as to, you know, our ideal mate. You know, I mean, in many cultures, I mean, you know, they've arranged marriages. You don't get to pick your mate. It gets, you know, they get picked for you. So, um, you know, and you learn to love each other. You know, your parents put you together, and over the next 10, 15, 20 years, you learn to fall in love and you become a fantastic couple. So, um, you know, we're trying to force people to get back to the way it used to be. Is, you know, yeah. I mean, and and hopefully, you know, people will embrace it and appreciate it for what it is because that's what people want. You know, I hear people all the time. I want to get back to the days of my grandparents, of my parents, you know, where you dated your high school sweetheart and you know, you all rode off into the sunset together. You know, um, you know, but but you didn't have access to women in Miami and women in Chicago and men in London and you know, men in New York. You just didn't have that. You know, your pool of available, you know, options was you was your local town. You know, those are the guys you had to date. So you learned to love the guys that were in your local town. You learned to love the girls that were in your local town. Um and you overlooked some things. You know, I mean, you know, his hair might not be as thick as you would like, but hey, he's a nice guy, you know, he comes from a good family. Hey, you know, I can overlook that. Yeah, so I mean, um, you know, that's what we're trying to we're trying to keep take take people back to an era of courting where we're intentional because you know people are thirsty for that, people are hungry for that. They're burnt out on the you know the the short-term hookup type relationships because it's leaving him unfulfilled. Yeah, just not doing anything for them.

Tamara 13:00

Yeah, I've definitely I've had lots of episodes about the woes of dating out there right now. Yeah, yeah, right. Lots lots of people are definitely ready for something new.

Jeremy 13:11

Exactly. And you know, and starting off with intention, you know what I mean. This is what I'm all about. I'm not trying to to I'm not here for a short time, I'm hoping to be here for a long

Love As Daily Actions Not Talk

Jeremy 13:22

time. You know, which is what courting used to be all about. You know, and and that's where we're trying to get people back to.

Tamara 13:28

Because that's what they that's where they want to go. That's where people want to go. Yeah, definitely. Yeah, taking the time to actually get to know someone. And they they do say that like the the f the um the spark and the what you think is chemistry is not gonna be what sustains you long term. So if you go slower and be more methodical like yourself.

Jeremy 13:48

And be very intentional, you know, because you know I always tell people love is not something you say, love is something you do. You know, you get up every day and you do the little things, the actions, the tangible steps that that clearly indicate to whomever you're with, that I mean, this is an act of love. Whether it's making them breakfast, whether it's um, you know, giving them a massage when they're when they're when when your muscles are sore, you know, whether it's rubbing your feet, when they're tired, whether it's doing whatever it is that makes them happy, you know, that that shows them that this person really loves me. I mean, it's it's very intentional. You know, um, and you know, that's why everybody loves their mom. Because their mom does very intentional acts whenever, even when she doesn't want to. And, you know, we all take away from that that my mom really loves me because even when she didn't feel good, she still did it. Even when she didn't want to, she still did it. You know, so that's what love is. I mean, and and you know, we're trying to put people together who are willing to engage, you know, in those day-to-day, week-to-week intentional actions that convey to their partner that okay, this is what love looks like. It's not something I say, oh honey, I love you. No, it's something that you're willing to do.

Tamara 15:18

Yeah, yeah, definitely. All right, well, it's um if there's do you want to have just like a final comment? Kind of you've kind of been doing that. Like there's you know, bottom line is people that want to get married and join the site. But is there anything else you like like you want to leave?

Jeremy 15:33

I mean, you know, I again time or the you know. Um, I think what I want to leave your your listeners with is

AI Companions And The Future Of Dating

Jeremy 15:42

that we are now living in a time where a generation, no more than two generations from now, interpersonal relationships will have become a thing of the past. We're going to AI, we're going to AI robots, we're going to AI companions, and this is happening faster than people realize. And the reason why we're in a moment of inflection is because people are starting to realize that it's a lot easier to talk to an AI chatbot chat bot online than it is to talk to a real person. So give them a choice between talking to an AI chatbot who will engage in a legitimate conversation versus talking to somebody who has no conversational skills. People are choosing the AI chatbots today. As the technology evolves, these things are gonna come in the form of a real live-looking human being. And people are gonna make the decision: why would I deal with somebody who's gonna bring me grief and and angst, you know, as opposed to an AI robot who's going to do the things that they are programmed to do that they know that I like. You know, and and and you know, we're we're evolving to that because we no longer need each other to survive, Tamara. You know, in prior generations, relationships they were about survival. We needed each other to get through life. It was just that simple. We have evolved from a technology standpoint. You know, women are in the workplace now, they don't need a husband anymore to get through life. And our dating habits are starting to reflect that, you know. So, yeah, I mean, relationships are no something, no longer something that we have to have to survive, but we have to have it to have any quality of life. You know, and that's why so many of us end up in therapy, because we don't have these relationships, and we end up in therapy, thinking that therapy, um, you know, even though it has its merits, at the end of the day, if you don't have that healthy you know relationship with a significant other, therapy, you know, while it will help, it's not gonna solve the underlying fundamental problem. So I say get into that relationship with a sub with somebody who really likes you, who loves you, and try and make life with that.

Tamara 18:13

Okay. All right, well, thank you very much for being on and telling us about marryingamerica.com. And

Closing Thoughts And Share The Site

Tamara 18:21

thank you again, Jeremy, for being on.

Jeremy 18:22

Thanks, Tamara. I appreciate it. And you know, I will encourage all your listeners to you know tell their friends who are serious about a relationship, and you know, get on there, um, register, and then you know, you decide what you want to do from there. Do I want to actively engage or do I want to wait for that person to come send me a match request? But tell your friends, tell everybody, get on there. There's no cost to doing so. You have access to 100% of the features, and your first three matches are free.

Tamara 18:49

Okay. All right, well, thank you again. And like you said, if you love if you love this episode too, be sure to tell your friends about it. Um, same thing. Absolutely. Absolutely. All right, well, thank you again, and thanks everyone. Bye.

Jeremy 19:01

Thanks, everyone. Appreciate it.