#001 Welcome to Straight From the Source's Mouth Podcast

#001  We tell you why we started this needed, in our opinion and others, podcast where we will get real about sex and dating.  We will share lots of information on online dating, sex how-tos and don'ts.  Enjoy and...I do stand-up and my link is below for even more content on the subject.  Subscribe and like please!

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCmbyisXzOpuAY9Kv9UQINCQ

https://www.buymeacoffee.com/Straightfsmouth

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Welcome to the Straight from the Source's Mouth podcast, Frank talk about sex and dating.

SPEAKER_01 0:06

All right, so welcome everyone to our introduction episode of our podcast, Straight from the Source's Mouth, where we do Frank talk about sex and dating. And we're gonna start this episode by just saying why it's for starting it and introduce my name is Tamara, and it's gonna be Tamara and Friends. Today is Carissa. We'll be having a discussion about this. Hello, Carissa. Thank you for being here. And you helped me not be so monotone. I have someone to talk about. I did like two minutes by myself, and I'm like, all right, I need someone to join. So so yeah, we're gonna start with our um why we want to do this podcast or why I wanted to start us. Um so for me, I did a quiz a long time ago, um, via.org, Via.org, where you find out your top character strengths, and mine just happen to be creativity, love of learning, and bravery, which go pretty well with doing a podcast, especially on the topics. So I love to read books, and I I don't know, I find myself offering advice regularly, and it's usually a book I've read. Like someone will mention something like, oh, I read that book. That would be like, you know, that would totally help that situation. So I look at this podcast as yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:24

So I look at this podcast as mine is take. Yours as well. Uh yeah, mine is take the take my advice, I'm not using it. Uh yeah, you're good at giving it but not taking it yourself, is that you're saying learn from my experience because I didn't have advice beforehand.

SPEAKER_01 1:43

Okay, yeah, yeah. So I have done many bad things. Don't follow in my footsteps, learn from it instead. Yeah. But yeah, I just I find myself regularly just citing like random books that I've read, and just for some reason it stays in there. So rather than having to read an entire book, you can listen to this podcast and you can hear straight from the source's mouth, and I will recommend books on various topics about sex dating and relationships too. And I started doing stand-up comedy like three years ago, and I um talk about sex and dating on there, so no wonder that I would talk about a pot have a podcast with the same topic. So, and in my stand-up, I also basically have no boundaries. I call myself the Queen of TMI in in an open book, so TMI. Very much so, yes, and that's what I want this podcast really to be about. It's just like any questions you have, we're gonna have there's a um an email address you can contact us, Tamara at straightfronthesourcesmouth.co, and ask us any questions. I've every time I mention this podcast, people want to do an episode, they want to tell me about their ideas for different topics. So um that is what we're gonna do. And to start out with um about my sex life, just real quick. I had my sex the first time at 17, but my boyfriend had had sex with someone right before him, so he knew what he was doing, and I learned to like it from day one. And that's a great way to do it. And I know a lot of other people yes, a lot of other people don't get that situation, you know, it's like two virgins just trying to lose their virginity, have no idea, so they never end up liking sex. I really enjoy it, and I like to talk about how to make it better and just interesting things. So, and what why did you want to get married?

SPEAKER_00 3:39

That's great, because I didn't have sex till I got married.

SPEAKER_01 3:42

Wow, and that's I mean, and that's there's that works too, because the connection is definitely there, I would assume. And or was that with yes?

SPEAKER_00 3:52

Uh ideally. Um everything but sex, um I not but not but sex. Yeah. Um, but um, yeah, so as a staunch Catholic, that was something that we well don't have sex until you get married, etc. etc. Um so but my now husband, we weren't I don't think that very very sexually compatible, let's put it that way.

SPEAKER_01 4:30

Um so which is a lot of people's argument for having premarital sex is like, are you sure you want to be with this person?

SPEAKER_00 4:38

But yeah, there's like the That was not why we got divorced though. Yeah, that's good. It may have added to it, but it was not why.

SPEAKER_01 4:46

Yeah. I yeah, I I actually feel that way. Like a lot of divorces could be fixed, or that is part of the problem of you know, definitely one of the factors in divorce. Because even if you're not getting along, if you have great sex, it'll probably last a little longer.

SPEAKER_00 5:02

Well, and it uh because of all of the chemical endorphins and things like that in the brain, it helps you work out things that you may not have otherwise been able to work out, yeah, without having you know, good sex. Um, and since I've gotten divorced, I have not dipped my toe back into sexual waters, but I have been dating.

SPEAKER_01 5:26

Yes, true. And yeah, we are definitely gonna talk about that, like all the dating apps out there, why people swipe or don't, why people get on them or don't get on them. And also the question of sex comes up during um online dating, dating in general. And some people I went on a date with a guy who talked about this, so I'm gonna see if he'll be on the show, which I'm sure he would love to, but um, just to talk about our different thoughts about why some you know how to talk about sex online or online dating while you're dating, talking about sex. Any thoughts on your end on that?

SPEAKER_00 6:00

Educational for me.

SPEAKER_01 6:02

Yes, because they yeah, and he was saying like a lot of women just assume if a guy mentions sex early on, like that's all they want, so you have to get rid of them because you're better than that, or you know, but to me it's a compatibility question. Two people that enjoy sex want to just know that, like, oh, you like sex too? Okay, good. And then you go on from there. It doesn't mean the second you see them, they're gonna try to jump your bones, you know, they just want to know they also like it. Because if people don't, then you know, I don't know, and that goes to me, that goes back to the you know, the double standard where women aren't supposed to like it or have as much sex. I mean, at least back in our generation, not saying ages or anything, but you know, the new the millennials are like all about it, maybe, but I'm not sure how much they're enjoying it because they're getting their sex education from porn, which is definitely not the way to go, just FYI. It does not give you a good idea. It's not reality. Yeah. I guess there's more amateur porn now, so maybe that's a little better for people, but it's definitely not like all the from what I understand, the millennial women want to act like porn stars and you know make it seem like they're all into it, and then the guys do all the tricks that they see on porn, and then none of them are having orgasms, so that cannot be fun. Right.

SPEAKER_00 7:18

But yeah, that's not the place, that's not what you do to stimulate women is porn, that's more for dudes, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 7:28

Exactly, and it can be fun to watch together, potentially, but then that goes to like we see like gorgeous men with really large members, I'll say that. And why do you want to compare yourself to that? Like when you're with a woman watching it, because I had one boyfriend do that, and it just was interesting. But yeah, so all the topics, you know, many books I've read, many topics, um, such as like one guy was talking about obsessive thoughts and delusions and fantasies, and how you know some people just um have those kind of thoughts. So, one book I read was Love Is Not Enough, where he talks about fantasies, um, like there's just a woman like fantasizing, and like I don't know. So that's one topic we will get into with him on the episode as well. What were we gonna say?

SPEAKER_00 8:18

Do you think with the um publications of you know 50 shades of gray and things like that, that has changed the way uh the interaction of sex between people now and during dating?

SPEAKER_01 8:35

I would I know for me it was definitely I mean that was some people don't like the writing or the movies or whatever, but I thought that was like I love that stuff. Like a lot of especially successful women, like we want a man to take charge. Like we might be the boss at at work, but we don't want to be the boss in the bedroom. And most women I talk to say that, but it's just a matter of how you do it. Because I guess right after it came out, some guys would try to just like tie up a woman and like do all this stuff, and it has to be you know respectful and mutual and stuff like that. And yeah, some people probably got a little and it because the the book is not just about all that kind of SM stuff, but it comes across, and that's what what we're gonna say about it.

SPEAKER_00 9:17

And it's about the the level of trust that it builds over time to when they before they get there.

SPEAKER_01 9:25

Yeah, true, yeah. And it and at the end, of course, it's it's more of how she gets him away from that because he doesn't have his feelings. So, but yeah, that I I mentioned that in my stand-up as well. And the other big topic is like the love languages. I'm sure everyone's heard about them by now, but you know, women really we we need that kind of stuff. We want you to, if you know our love languages and you do stuff, we will be that much happier when you try to have sex with us. So like it's just a given that you know, that to me that's like number one book for anyone is the the love languages.

SPEAKER_00 10:01

Well, and knowing and understanding that I am by doing what I am doing is I'm saying I love you, and I need to know and understand that what you are doing and saying that's how you're saying you love me. So it's not just knowing your own, but it's also knowing your partners and what they're doing. Yeah, and if it's different than yours. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 10:23

Yeah, if they're doing it and you're like you don't see it that way, you won't know that that's how you're but unless you know that's their act their love language. Yes, exactly. And then I have my list of books. Let me pull that up because um my the biggest one, like I I had a friend get married, she was never gonna get married, she was 40. I suggested three books, not that my sister mentioned a couple of them, so I won't take full credit, but you know, she um getting the love you want was one book, and she realized that she was obsessed with this guy and why she was obsessed with him, and she was finally able to get over him, and then she read the surrendered single, which is a Bible for singles, I'd highly recommend. And um she she's like, Oh, you're supposed to actually figure out if you like the guy, not try to impress him all the time on a date. So that was news for her and most people. And then um, there's all kinds of books out there, so that will definitely be some of the topics we talk about as well. And I know one friend wants to talk about how to date like a man. She thought that was very helpful. And yeah.

SPEAKER_00 11:30

So you think that that'll be helpful for women to know how to date like a man?

SPEAKER_01 11:37

Yes, yeah, and then there's topic of the yeah, because in like another book that covers that is I I suck at relationships, so you don't have to, which is interesting. Title Bethany Frankel, and then she does it with a doctor, like a therapist of hers. But um, it's the same kind of concept. Like guys date several people at once, usually, and I think this way too. Until you say you're exclusive, you're pretty much not. So unless you have the talk, you're probably not exclusive. And I didn't know that when I was younger in dating. This guy mentioned he was dating someone else, and I was like, What? And I like broke up with them. I was like, I can't date you, you're dating someone else. Like, what? And now I'm like, it's preferred, and I do it myself. And but she calls it the burner method, like you know, you have one person on simmer, one person on you know, higher levels, so you just and and you like each person for a different reason, go do different things with different people. So I always thought her method was cool.

SPEAKER_00 12:32

Yeah, that was my philosophy in my 20s is date as many people as often as possible, but I also was not having sex with all of them.

SPEAKER_01 12:40

So yes, yeah. And then and and then yeah, and I can see that, and that goes back to the double standard where if guys are probably having sex with all of them, maybe not, maybe not, maybe they're not, but if you choose to and you choose to be safe, then it shouldn't be a problem. But and that brings me to what I've always said about you know, guys marry, there's like the marrying kind and the kind you have fun with, but then the marrying kind are the ones that don't have sex with you, and then you when you have sex or when you get married, you're like, She never wants to have sex with me. And I'm like, that maybe that's because you know you should date the kinds that you actually have fun with, or marry the kind, but I know that's one way to look at it. Yes, and like I said, this is just the introduction episode, so hopefully there's enough interest, and it's gonna be frank talk about sex and dating. We're gonna have um two people at least per episode, you know, like two extra people, like a co-host and two people, a male-female perspective, older, younger, good daters, bad daters, good at sex, bad at sex, and that's the other thing. Um, there's lots to talk about oral sex, regular sex in general, um, you know, just all those kinds of topics. So hopefully you like what you hear, and you will join us, and each episode will be amazing. All right.

SPEAKER_00 14:04

Because we're amazing.

unknown 14:06

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 14:06

I mean, everyone I talk to about this podcast idea, I was like, oh my god, that's so needed. You know, I just I talk about people are just like everyone's pretty much going around clueless and fumbling around, and people think they're better than they are at sex, and people are afraid to say anything and hurt feelings, and not that everyone should feel like, oh my god, I must be bad at sex, but just you know, if you don't take the time to ask, like, do you like this or or you know, asking for what you want, then you're not gonna enjoy it as much. So just say what you need, or at least you know, maybe not talk about it while you're in the bedroom, but maybe afterwards or something. But and that's one of the topics too, to how to go about that. How to share with people when you're not getting and one of the ways, yeah. I was gonna say one of the ways is to go to my stand-up where I talk about what apparently a lot of people think but are afraid to say about sex and like the missing area for women that you should be aware of and hopefully are already, but but I definitely go there on my standup. So and it I got I got asked to do one show for that reason. She's like, You say what we're thinking, but none of us want to say it. And they're all like every all the girls are like nodding their heads, like, yep. So if that's like if that intrigues you too, I will have the one.

SPEAKER_00 15:28

Yes. Like when Harry met Sally.

SPEAKER_01 15:31

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 15:32

I can tell when she's faking it. Yeah, that was very interesting in the restaurant scene.

SPEAKER_01 15:38

Even the shaking the head around and everything, too. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 15:43

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 15:44

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 15:45

I'll have what she's having. Cool.

SPEAKER_01 15:46

All right. Well, hopefully, like I said, you guys find this interesting. And each episode will get better because the more you do it, you get better at it. And we will definitely have a variety, and I'll even have some experts. Um, I have a few friends that are sex experts and then life coaches and stuff like that. So we'll have get their perspective as well. And of course, I watch lots of um watch and read a lot of stuff. So plenty to share. And hopefully you will join us. Thank you, everyone. Thank you, Chris. Yes, thank you. Join us. Alrighty. Bye guys. Thanks. Thank you, Tamara. Thank you, Chris. All right, thanks everyone. Subscribe and like if you love the episode and look forward to the rest. Thank you.